z

Young Writers Society



The Looking Glass

by Derek


I see you through the glass,
eyes glowing like fire.

Your love burns for me,
though we cannot reach each other.

Our hands we can see,
pressed upon the glass.

Our eyes meet,
this is the final time.

We try to read each others lips,
as we whisper goodbye.

As you fall to your death,
your hand print is left behind.

I turn around so I cannot see,
your body lying next to me.

And even though I will go,
I still have one last hope.

I turn around so I can see,
you still standing there in front of me.

Is it real or is it not?
I touch the glass awaiting your response.

Our eyes connect for one last time,
The Looking Glass has fooled me twice.


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Fri Jan 08, 2010 5:21 pm
AquaMarine wrote a review...



Hey there!

Wow! You've taken a pretty cool metaphor here and used it well throughout your poem. As people have obviously said before me, it was very nice.

I don't know, but you said in your comment that the love never existed at all. The last line kind of points towards that, but right up until then I was convinced it was a love who left or died. It's nice, but slightly confusing. Even with the last line I don't think I would have got that if not for your comment.

~Amy




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Wed Dec 30, 2009 9:37 pm
geebee says...



Wow! I really love this poem. It powerful and I like the way the wording is. It sure is beautiful! :D




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Sun Dec 27, 2009 6:21 pm
Derek says...



ozasatya wrote: Does that mean that the love is still living? Its a good poem though.:)


The meaning is really that the love never existed at all :]. The Looking Glass could be a number of different things depending on the person, though my choice was the glass represented separation obviously.

The ending line is also my favorite! It really ties the whole poem together, it simply means that what love was there in the first place, as I looked through the glass was a lie to begin with. So "The Looking Glass has fooled me twice." means it was never love in the first place. The first time(The second line) and the second time(The ninth line) it fooled me.

I might have over explained that a little :]. Thanks for all the great comments!




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Sun Dec 27, 2009 11:19 am
R3b3L wrote a review...



Nice, Nice, Nice :)

The poem was consistently good, though the ending was obviously the best. Your choice of words is impressive, and this is a very good topic. There's not much wrong with your poem.




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Sun Dec 27, 2009 11:16 am
ozasatya wrote a review...



An amazingly brilliant poem. The more I say about it, the less it seems. It really is a wonderful tragic poem. The ending was kind of strange. I think you could improvise on the lines

Our eyes connect for one last time,
The Looking Glass has fooled me twice.
Does that mean that the love is still living? Its a good poem though.:)




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Sun Dec 27, 2009 2:00 am
emoticon220 wrote a review...



This is great! i love the the wording. its great that it turns around inthe end. You should add sme commas and periods to make it flow better. but other than that its AWSOME! Pm me with any Q's u may have about Poetry. :)





A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity.
— Franz Kafka