Note: This is 2600 words, so be prepared for that. Little lengthy, but I'm proud of myself for making it so much longer then normal! This review will be a real challenge x].
Chapter 1
Somebody
We are all somebody. Feelings, experiences, genetics, they shape us into who we are. They try to define us. We try to defy them. Sins. We all commit them. It's in our nature. They control our thoughts and our actions. We blame our mistakes on them. They blame us for our mistakes. We try to defeat them only to realize that they make us who we are. Within destroying them we destroy ourselves. Instead we learn to live along side our sin, being as much in control as we possibly can. There in lies the question. Can someone defeat their sin and remain intact? Can we live along side our sin? There is only one way to find out.
"If you touch me one more time I'm going to rip your spray tanned arm off your body"
"He hasn't called me in three days! Should I be worried? Should I call him back?
"You know how boy's can be, just leave it alone. He isn't worth it."
"This field trip is going to be so lame. Who even likes haunted corn mazes?"
If you were there that day, you might have heard some of those things. The juniors who attended Alexander Wood High School had made a fatal mistake. It was only a week into their first week of school. Riley, captain of the football team, had planned a huge party to kick off the school year.
"Everyone is invited to the party to begin the party season!" Riley was standing at the front doors of the newly built Alexander Wood High School. His well-defined arms holding a mass amount of bright red flyer's.
"Party to start the parties.
Riley Langston hosting a party in the new school Gymnasium.
Tonight after school. Everyone is invited."
A few flyer's managed to break lose from the confines of Riley's arms and threw the air. Lydia was greeted by one of these flyer's right in the face. She scrambled to remove it from her face, tearing out a few of her natural blond hair's out in the process. After the war with the destroyed piece of paper was over Lydia's hair, which was always up, had become a tangled mess.
"Perfect." She said. Her voice as innocent as her appearance.
"Hey, you're one of the only girls at this school that can look like that" Annabeth looked at Lydia's hair then down her body and back up again "and still look beautiful." Annabeth reached into her pocketbook and pulled out a hair bow.
"What would I do without you and your hair bow stash Annabeth." Lydia leaned over to her best friend and gave her a gentle hug. Annabeth was the head cheerleader and you guessed it, Riley's girlfriend.
"Riley!" Annabeth screamed and ran over to her boyfriend who had just finished handing out the last flyer's.
"They disgust me." Emeth said as he stepped off the bus, Lucas trailing behind him.
"I think you just jealous, Lil' M." Lucas said as he messed up Emeth's jet black hair, almost knocking off his surprisingly stylish glasses.
"For the love of God, stop calling me that. We are not in 4th grade anymore." Emeth placed his glasses back atop his nose, and ran his fingers through his hair in a feeble attempt to fix it.
"Come on Emeth. Someone is in a bad mood today."
As Emeth stopped to regather himself, a black Porsche pulled up to the front of the school. Lucas caught the sound of the engine purring as it pulled to a stop. He turned around the examine the beast as the passenger door opened. Violet. He had seen her in the halls before. She was new to Alex Wood High.
Like straight out of movie, rock 'n roll music played as she stepped out of the vehicle. Her black hair blew in the wind in slow motion and as she walked away from the car her hips swayed like a tree in a wind storm. Lucas had no idea that his mouth was hanging open until he was reminded by the very person who caused it.
"If you are going to stare at someone, you should make it a bit less obvious." Before he had realized it Violet was standing right in front of him. Using her index finger she gently closed his mouth shut.
"I'll be seeing you around, Lucas." She ran her fingers through his golden blond hair as a tease before walking past him and into the school.
"How is it that you always seems to get the hot girls?" Emeth scoffed and walked away from the stunned Lucas.
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The first bell had rung and now everyone was talking about the party. Kite sat alone in the corner of his last period class. He could overhear the conversations of his fellow students. He peered over his large book to see that familiar faces were ready to engage him in conversation.
"Why are you over here by yourself? You are always by yourself." A blond-haired girl was twirling her fingers in her hair. Two others stood beside her.
"I prefer to be left alone. Now, if you please. I'd like to get back to my book." Kite slipped back into his book only to be interrupted by the girls once again. His book was in his hands one second and on the floor the next. Kite just gave a irritable look and picked it up off the floor.
"Why don't you guys just leave him alone?" Annabeth had walked over from her seat to confront the girls.
"Annabeth you are sticking up for this loser?" The girl in the middle put her hands on her hips in defiance.
"Unless you want to lose your spot on the cheer squad, walk away Linda." Annabeth shooed her away with her hand. Linda walked away defeated.
"You didn't have to do that." Kite said monotone.
"I know." Annabeth smiled and walked away. Kite was a loner and never expected anyone to help him, especially not the likes of Annabeth, the most popular girl in school.
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The party had arrived. The kids poured in the gym, all ready to have a great time. A DJ was on the stage, playing hip-hop while the kids danced under the spot lights and smoke. It was the first party of the school year and it perfect. Lydia was attached to Annabeth's hip as usual, and Annabeth was attached to Riley's.
Riley was center stage. His parents had arranged for the school to let them use the gym. Being the Mayor's son has it's benefits. The night was going as planned, until Riley's surprised has finally arrived.
"Everyone, listen up. Head outside for a little show I'll be putting on! My treat." Riley stood on the stage, motioning for everyone to go out the gym doors and into the parking lot. Lucas and Emeth ran outside, excited to see what was in store.
They had always done everything together. Since their parents met when they were in Elementary School Lucas's mother died only a year after he had meet Emeth, and they became very close. You would rarely see them apart.
When they arrived outside the were meet with a multitude of fireworks spread across the parking lot. Riley stood in front of the huge crowd of students, megaphone in hand.
"That's right everyone! Fireworks! Get ready!" Riley through down the megaphone and walked over to the starting point for the fireworks show. He had connected them all to a single fuse which was supposed to allow them to go off in succession. He wasn't as smart as he thought he was. He bent down and picked up the box of matches.
"Lucas. Look at that setup. If he lights those fireworks."
"Oh crap." They had seen it before everyone else. Too bad they didn't get there in time. Riley had lit the fuse and before they had time to react the flame had reached the first firework. Then Riley saw it too. Each firework, one right after the other, would go off causing the other fireworks to fall over.
"Everyone get back!" Riley yelled at the large crowd of students. He looked down to see that he had broken the megaphone when he threw it earlier. He ran threw the crowd telling everyone to get as far away from the fireworks at possible. Then it happened.
The first firework went off and for a split second it was quiet and beautiful. The firework exploded and then the chaos began. The fuse the fireworks were attached to fell over and one after one the fireworks started to zoom in every direction that they could. The crowd panicked and kids were running to wherever they thought they could be safe from the explosions.
Lydia was attached to Annabeth's arm who was running toward the school. She turned around to look at the chaos and try to avoid any fireworks. Just as she did the biggest of the fireworks fell in their direction.
"Annabeth!" Lydia made a bold move and threw Annabeth on the ground. The large fireworks flew past them and straight for the gym. Busting threw windows and against walls, the school was starting to catch on fire from the bombardment of fireworks. Lydia and Annabeth could only look in shock as their brand new school was going up in flames.
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Violet was inside the building before the commotion. She didn't much care what surprise Riley had outside so she went back to her classroom to pick up some books she had left. She walked inside the classroom to find Kite sitting in one of the windowsills looking out at the crowd.
"Odd place to be alone at." Violet was standing in the doorway.
"I like to be alone. I can see over half the school right now. Observing them from afar. It's pretty interesting actually." Kite turned around to see who he had been talking too. "My name is Kite."
"You know what's interesting? That you are up here all alone. I am new here, but I'm guessing you are alone pretty often. The girls don't beg for your number? Ask you out on dates? You are the handsome mysterious guy. Am I right?"
"You are wrong." Kite looked back at the ground and saw the first firework go into the air. Violet was right behind him and saw as the fuse had tipped over.
"Crap, Kite move!" She pulled Kite out of the windowsill and into the floor. A large firework shattered through the windows and smashed into the wall sending embers everywhere. The curtains, posters, books, and other materials started to catch fire.
"We have to get out here!" Violet grabbed Kite's hand and ran for the door.
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Meanwhile Annabeth was lying under Lydia who had tackled her to the ground.
"Annabeth, we have to get out of here." Lydia's voice cracked in distress.
"Not yet. Kite was up there in that classroom. A firework went right inside. See it's on fire!"
"You want us to go up there and try to rescue him? Are you crazy!" Lydia protested.
"Do what you want Lydia but I am going up there." Annabeth ran for the gym doors and on her way to rescue Kite.
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Lucas and Emeth were trapped in a mob of kids who were trying to escape either the fireworks midair or the fires they were causing. Emeth dove threw a group of kids and could finally breath.
"This is crazy we have to get out of here!" Emeth said out of breath.
"And leave all our friends to burn in a fire? You're right. Let's go." Emeth gave the sarcastic Lucas a evil look but knew he was right. Firetrucks and Police has started to arrive on the scene and the fire was desperately trying to be controlled. Lucas and Emeth dodged them so they wouldn't be asked any questions. They took the path behind the football field which was rarely used to evade them.
Around the corner of the back of the football field they found Riley.
"Riley! Are you crazy? You caught the whole school on fire!" Emeth said storming up to Riley who was leaning against the back of the bleachers. Riley stood up to defend himself.
"You don't think I know that now? It wasn't on purpose!" Riley's face was red with anger but his eyes were full of tears.
"You could have killed someone. You may have killed someone!" Emeth was being braver then usual sticking his nose in Riley face. He responded to his by shoving Emeth on the ground.
"Wow, hold on Riley! Emeth shut up dude!" Lucas grabbed Emeth and helped him to his feet.
"Turn yourself in Riley. If you don't someone else will."
"I can't do that. Everyone will vouch for me. I am the quarterback." Riley said with pride.
"Emeth, there is nothing we can do. Let's go." Lucas dragged Emeth away who was still shooting disgusted looks at Riley.
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Annabeth had made her way to the second floor before she meet any danger. Flames were now coming from classrooms on her right as she struggled to get threw the smoke and to the third floor. She turned the corner to the steps when she saw Kite who was at the bottom of the stairs, in Violet's arms.
"Are you guys okay?" Annabeth yelled over the intense sound of the flames and still shooting fireworks.
"Kite fell down the stairs when we were trying to run. I think it's broken." Despite Violet's tough exterior she was scared. Annabeth ran over to him and tried to help pick him up. Together Annabeth and Violet were still not strong enough to carry all of Kite's weight alone.
"Can you stand on one leg Kite?" Annabeth asked.
"I think so." You could hear pain in his voice. They pulled him up to one leg and held him up by his arms. They slowly walked down the hallway which was now covered in flames.
"We can't make it." Violet shouted in distress. Then on the other side of the hall a few firefighters started to run toward them. One picked up Kite while the others helped Annabeth and Violet threw the halls and too safety.
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Tragedy had struck Alexander Wood High School. No one was killed during the fire. It was partly due to the fact that most students were outside during the fire, Kite and Violet being the only ones in the classrooms. All further student activities were canceled including Prom(largely because the extensive damage to the gym). Only sports and a single trip at the end of the year were promised to them. The haunted corn maze.
A dull field trip for the junior class in High School, but considering it was well deserved. They never found out who brought the fireworks, or who set them off. All the students keep quiet. They had already lost all activities, why lose their quarterback too? Even Emeth stayed quiet despite his tyraid.
This brings us back to where we started. The maze. The night that changed these kids lives forever. Some for better, some for worse. Annabeth, Lucas, Emeth, Riley, Violet, Lydia, Kite. Before they night was over these seven kids would face their own sin, their fear. They would gain a power, an enemy. Their world would shattered before them.
In the end, they would decide. Can you defeat your sin? Can you beat the very thing that makes you who you are? And if not, what is left for you? Will you survive? Soon, they would find out for themselves.
Chapter 2
Coming Soon...
I think I rushed on a lot of parts honestly, I'm glad I got it finished though(at 2:00AM). Edit's will defiantly be
necessary in the future.
Previous Chapters
Coming Soon
3-9 to be read in any order.
Check out one of the other any order chapters!
(completed chapters have a link provided)
Chapter 5 - Rage, For Beginners
Chapter 6 - What Happens In A Corn Maze...
Chapter 7 - ...Stays In A Corn Maze
Chapter 8 - A Whole Lot More Then Nothing
This, is really good. It's fast-paced and edgy, easy to follow.
There are a few typos and grammatical errors and maybe some room for expounding on details. But I really like it. I love how you introduced so many types of teenagers and made their characters work together.
IT'S GOOD. I definitely am looking forward to chapter 2. x)
i agree with wicked wonder. i do think you rushed through it, but i still think you did a good job on it. it kept me interested and engaged and i didn't get bored with it. just keep at and soon enough you'll get it right.
Alright, so, yes, you need to slow down. I got through maybe three quarters and was really confused. Slow down and go through every characters emotions, making it clear to the reader what was going on. Especially the fire scene, that was super rushed, and I couldn't make sense of it.
You also need to describe more with dialogue. Add the speech tags so the reader knows who is talking.
What I did like about this piece was the character development. I can see the characters coming along well, just remember to keep describing the characters appearances and mannerisms.
Keep writing
~Wickedwonder
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