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Life Without Misery (Preview)

by Deniisia

Hi My Name Is Carolyn Krypton, I ‘m an Evil Woman, Although I Wouldn’t Call Myself That. I Steal Husbands and Make Wife’s Suffer. I Scare the Kids and Make Them Mine. I’m wanted all over the world for my evil activities. I’m sneaky and I always have a disguise, So you will never know I’m coming until it’s . . . too late. I Make the rules and play the game. Some say I have a mental issue but I’m not alone There’s more like me, Worse than me, More evil and I’m just the beginning. We all have a plan. . . A Plan to Rule this sick earth To make everything better by killing all the people that are against us and turning the one’s that are with us. That’s their plan but mine is different I just want the families all too myself I want to hear the yells of anger from the angry wives, The cries of fear from the kids And the laughter from the freaked out fathers I’m not going to stop until I Get what I want. I’m Going To Give Them All A Life Without Misery. . .

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1634 Reviews

Points: 67548
Reviews: 1634

Thu May 09, 2013 3:19 pm
Deanie wrote a review...

Hi Deniisia,

This was a pretty good preview. You have a nice theme going on here and it looks like it can be turned into a really good horror story. The character sounds threatening enough and you've made me wonder how will she get what she wants?

The only problem was that you capitalised random words, so watch out for that. And sometimes you missed out full stops. Punctuation is really important for when you get to writing that main story. So those are just a few things to look out for.

Other than that, this seems promising!

Deanie x

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Points: 2023
Reviews: 2

Sat Apr 13, 2013 5:31 pm
ToasterRofl wrote a review...

Hey, I wrote on your wall that you should post something so I could review it, before I noticed that you already had! xD So here goes...

First of all, this sounds like it's amping up to be a really intense, action packed sort of story that'll just be a blast to read and write. I love the idea that there is some sort of group or, dare I say, cult? with a master plan to dominate. It makes this sound like a really epic sized story is about to unfold. And the fact that your MC has her own plan might bring up some interesting conflicts as well? I could honestly tell you something I find really awesome about every sentence here, and I'm stoked to read more, because this is such a short tease of what could be something amazing!

The only thing I really noticed grammar-wise was that you seem to capitalize random words here and there? I don't know if you meant to do that or not :p Other than that, there were a few simple things like "wife's" instead of "wives", and maybe check where you want your sentences to end or break, and throw in some commas or periods in some spots.

I'm not here to edit this piece, since it's just a preview, but I want to say again that I really loved it and I can't wait to see more :)

I will call them my people, which were not my people; and her beloved, which was not beloved.
— Romans 9:25