Read;
Pieces of my freakin' Mind!Empty HeartedWhen a heart can feel,
Love is real.
When a heart cannot,
Then it's not.
Unwanted Treasures“Pain, I seek it, or at least I sought it
Until I found it and it made me weak,
'cause then I wished I’d never caught it.”
Definition“Hell is, the loss of love, an existing hate.
Heaven is the love above, based on faith.”
TruthOne cannot escape the truth,
but with lies one can conceal it,
with promises one can secure it.
L'amour D'amie!- Mon amie,
tu est ma vie!
InkThere's Ink in my mind,
it's floating around;
creating meaningless thought's,
memories without cause...
I'm so tired.
H2OWhere water turns to ice,
you cannot cry.
Beauty of the darkEven the dark,
the frightening,
the dangerous,
the hateful,
can be beautiful.
Common EnemyYou can't be stronger,
than the forces you fight!
You might be defeated,
by someone yourself.
Lonely GraveI dug a hole for the old me,
but nobody dug up the new me!
PointlessNo point in being free,
if you got nowhere to go,
no-one to be.
Never Mind!"If you're just one of those people,
passing by...
don't bother saying Hi!"
Love's Insanety-Side by Side,
-Hand in Hand,
An Eternal Suffer,
In Burning Sand.
IgnoranceIn love with the Villain,
can't see the hurt and pain
or the misery that he spread,
I care not, he'll have me dead.
Hey Demoness,
Empty Hearted :
I felt like this was going to be a witty piece, but then you rhymed not with not... It just ruined it for me personally. Perhaps think of something else that would fit with what you’re trying to say.
Unwanted Treasures :
I don’t like the name for this one. Unless pain is your treasure... And again you rhymed it with it. I don’t know if you wanted it to rhyme, but thats how it came out. (=p)
Definition :
I know this one was short, but I really enjoyed it. Good job!
Truth:
There you go again rhyming it with it! But I do really like what you are trying to say!
L’amour D’amie :
Poetically this didn’t have much, but I’m only in my second year of French so I still think nicely done.
Ink :
I liked it all except the ‘I’m so tired.’
H2O :
I really wish you had written out a poem on this one!
Beauty of the dark :
I just loved it. I don’t think it even needs more then it has.
Common Enemy :
I feel like you have to add more to have something.
Pointless :
I liked this! I’m still wondering why you didn’t expand on some of these!
Never Mind! :
This one actually made me smile. I don’t why I just thought it was funny. Not to be rude.
Love’s Insanity : You spelt the name wrong
I really liked this one, and thats all I got.
Thats all!
PM me or post on my wall if you have any questions!
-Boo
I like it, I think the structure is unique, a little medley of inner jottings.The great thing is each is short and sweet and if you can't find something relatable here then surely your not human right?
It's heartfelt without leaning on dramatics or tipping over the edge of self indulgence.
Good job!
Hellloo saga!! =)
Me to review your work here for you! (obviously XD) Okay so I'm only going to review the poems or statements that I can relate with, because if I'd review something I can't relate with I won't be of much help =)
Okay so I'm just going to start with the first one.
Empty Hearted
So this was a nice beginning and I suggest you expand on it. The last sentence doesn't really work for me though.
It just sounds kind of choppy and too repetitive. But who knows, maybe that is just me. XD
I like the idea behind it though.
Unwanted Treasures
I really like this one! It's short and simple but straight to the point and I like that in this poem/statement. Very poetic.
Just one little nitpick:
Then doesn't really work for me here. Maybe change it a little?
But other than that: awesome!
Definition
A very true statement! That's pretty much all I have to say about this one XD
I think you need to remove this comma though:
Truth
Couldn't find anything wrong with this and it's also a very true statement and also very poetic! XD
Like it!
Ink
A very nice and short poem! I really like this one and I love how you ended it.
Thoughts can make you very tired =.= XD
H2O
Short and nice!
Pointless
Another nice poem you got here. And it's also very true.
Never Mind!
I wish I could say this to certain people XD Anyway, nice poem/statement thingy! Love it.
Okay so that was about it. I hope this review helps a little and please forgive me if it doesn't XD
I really enjoyed reading and reviewing all this.
-qaralynn-
They don't belong together, each text in bold is a title for the piece to come! That might explain the choppiness!
C'est super! J'adore ca! But, I think the story didn't flow as nicely as I thought it would. Each new stanza didn't really seem to have anything in common with the other. More simply, it was a little too choppy. But, that's just me. Overall, it wasn't bad. Keep on writing.