Today I Am Negative
Today I am negative
And there's nothing I'd enjoy more
Than my family not being positive
I can hear them through my door
Could you shut up with your
Smiles, joy and petty laughter?
I'm trying to be morbid
Smiles won't make me happy after!
Always with the smiles
So happy are the grins
Oh mother, if you only knew my thoughts
How negative are those things
Yes, dinner was my torture
Everday I sit
Surrounded by happy people
It could make me throw a fit
One of these days, I swear to God
I'll kill you in your sleep
No way for you to laugh or smile
Not a single tear I'd weep
I'm sorry, mother, I truly am
It was no one's fault but yours
So next time you chuckle or grin
Hide behind big, closed doors
Hehe, I hope you like it. I wrote it when I was angry at my family for being so happy and was feeling rather morbid about it all.
Enjoy.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Strangly enough, when people are negative, their writing is more interesting. At least yours is. I wouldn't really change anything about it. It's simple but it doesn't need to get all complex. Perfectly fine as it is. Good job!
-Deelish
Hehehe, yeah, thanks for the review. I'll definetly consider your rhyming words (why didn't I think of google!) I don't know what you mean by the "everyday" being there though.

I have to admit the last two lines took forever to do, they kept sounding wrong until BAM they sounded good
Rafter, drafter, be after, chase after, come after, go after, hereafter, lech after, look after, point after, quest after, sought after, take after, thereafter, actor, factor.
The internet is a wonderful place.
ABCB is a decent rhyme scheme too. I personally like the after/laughter rhyme, but I'll admit it doesn't make much sense...Of course, there's always switching the word order up so that you have 'smiles' or even (if you can work it) 'joy' at the end, both of which are significantly easier to rhyme...
Most of these end with after, but they have diff meanings (some of them...) Pick a promising one?
As for the poem---oh my!
I can relate to the feeling of not wanting people to be cheerful when I'm not...but for goodness's sake!
The title made me think that you were going to talk about photography or something...buuut that's just me.
Was the 'everday' on purpose?
I love the last two lines. Absolutely awesome.
Mrs.E.D.
Hehe, thanks. I reread the poem and you're write. Better change that to something that rhymes with "laughter"... Hmm, what could possibly rhyme. Here are several suggestions; I'll let my poet brain go from there

1. After
2. Shaft Her (Doesn't that mean like kill her?)
3. Chapter
Damn. That's all I got. Back to the drawing board! Thanks for the review
I really like this for some reason. I can't exactly point out why, maybe it's just because I can relate.
One little line sounded forced to me, though.
After what....?
Besides that I really liked it. Keep writing!
Kay