As she sat at the tiny dining room table, contently folding paper, she was olivious to her suroundings. All she saw, felt, and heard in those moments were the notes beating through the speakers and the small, torn paper that lay before her, but what she didn't know was just outside the window sheilded by the thick curtains was her worst nightmare. On her front poarch stood a living corpse. He wor a white tee-shirt. Slashed, torn, nd dripping with blood. His dark jeans just te same. He wore one horribly dirty shoe. His hair was tied in knots with peices stiking out everywhere while his vilebreath fogged up the window. Slowly he made his way o the slightly ajar door. Grunting he elbowed the door open another inch. He moved into the house while his dead arm flpped around knocking over a vase with a loud crash. Evan over the defening music, Cindy could hear it. She lept to her feet so fast she tipped the tabel over sending the paper across the floor. "Whose there?" Cindy called in a shakey voice. Her brothers would be home soon from basketball practice.She hped it was the home early. No such luc. As she turned the corner she was greeted by a creater with dripping skin. A frist Cindydidn't know what to do with this monster, so she screamed. a/s she trned to run it rabbed her forearm and pulled her back with much more strenght than she thoght the un-dead could ever posess. She fell to the floor, crying out as her head hit the wall with a thud, then once again as the zombie bit her leg. She clawed her way to the bathroom hopping she could wash the contaigon out of the bite but as she reached the kichen island her hear collidedwith the floor once more, this time knocking her out...
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141,285 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm, well, this was quite an intense prologue here, and I do think this is actually a pretty good one too here looking through the thing as a whole. The one nitpick I do have right away is the fact that this is currently a giant lump of text here...aaand you may want to look into splitting this thing up into just a couple of parts here. Surprisingly enough, the flow of this piece remains largely unaffected despite the lack of paragraphing, but it'd still benefit from being broken into at least a couple of paragraphs here.
Moving past that nitpick for now and getting into the actual content, I really love how you've built this piece up here. The description of this zombie is really well done, you can absolutely picture it in your mind very clearly and then the whole motion of it slowly attacking this person as they succumb to the attack is done really well here.
Overall, this is a really solid prologue that you have here. You managed to bring across this scene really well for the most part, there's barely anything wrong here besides the myriad of typos I noticed. Soo..yeah, solid start...it seems like a story that I would in fact read here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Ok so, it's pretty interesting so far & intense as well. There are just a few mistakes with the spelling & grammar. I'll point them out for you, so you may fix it when you find the time.
Instead of:
"olivious" in the first sentence it should be spelled - oblivious
"sheilded" should be spelled - shielded
"wor" should be spelled - wore
"tee-shirt should only have ONE 'e'
"nd" should be - and
"te" should be - the
"peices" should be - pieces
"stiking" should be - sticking
for "vilebreath" there should be a space between 'vile' and 'breath'
"o" should be - to
"Evan" should be - Even
"lept" should be - leapt
"tabel" should be - table
"shakey" should be - shaky
"hped" should be - hoped
"luc" should be - luck
by "creater" do you mean 'creature' maybe?
After that the sentence should be: At first, Cindy didn't know what to do with this monster, so she screamed. & As she turned to run it grabbed her forearm and pulled her back with much more strength than she thought the undead could possibly possess.
"contaigon" should be - contagion
"kichen" should be - kitchen
and finally "collidedwith" should be separated - collided with
I totally love it so far. I haven't read too many zombie stories even though they're starting to circulate a lot more now that vampires are getting too boring. I can't WAIT to read your next ch.; seriously have that thing up FAST! =D
Way creepy. Way creepy indeed.
Good:
The omniscient perspective was pretty great. It created more suspense for us as an audience and magnified the dramatic irony by a lot as well.
Good description of the zombie.
The title was gripping and that's really important for a story.
Other things:
A bunch of typos, but I bet that's just due to writing it super fast. Right?
It was a little bit short. I wanted to read more.
Definitely looking forward to more of your zombie tale!
Hi!
Good job with the zombie theme. Its pretty common, but not as quite scary.
I really liked this chapter! Pretty good for a prologue!!
I actually felt a little shiver while reading this
Having said that, I would love to point the errors, but it seems like two of them have already done that and I don't want to be a horrible person by reiterating the same
But, you should really have the text revised once before posting it. It prevents such small errors.
I think you should work on your punctuation as well because I felt there was a little too many commas in the first two or three lines.
Okay, that's all I'm going to say
Good job!
Keep writing!
Peace Out!
Hey littleauthor here,
I thought this was pretty good for a Prolog. You did have a run on sentence (the second sentence) and many spelling errors. Most of the time you just dropped letters or had two words combined. I didn't think that you looked over this before submitting it because you would have probably picked up the dozens of spelling errors. Maybe next time you should put more time and effort into it. After all, this is what will make the reader get to know about it. But over all I thought the storyline was great, just the spelling wasn't.
Keep writing
As she sat at the tiny dining room table, contently folding paper, she was olivious (oblivious) to her suroundings(surroundings). All she saw, felt, and heard in those moments were (possibly was?) the notes beating through the speakers and the small, torn paper that lay before her, but what she didn't know was just outside the window sheilded (Shielded) by the thick curtains was her worst nightmare. On her front poarch(porch) stood a living corpse. He wor(wore) a white tee-shirt. Slashed, torn, nd(and) dripping with blood. His dark jeans just te(the) same. He wore one horribly dirty shoe. His hair was tied in knots with peices(pieces) stiking(sticking) out everywhere while his vile(space)breath fogged up the window. Slowly he made his way o(to?) the slightly ajar door. Grunting(comma) he elbowed the door open another inch. He moved into the house while his dead arm flpped(flopped) around(comma) knocking over a vase with a loud crash. Evan(even) over the defening(deafening) music, Cindy could hear it. She lept(leaped) to her feet so fast she tipped the tabel(table) over sending the paper across the floor. "Whose(who's) there?" Cindy called in a shakey(shaky) voice. Her brothers would be home soon from basketball practice.She hped(hoped) it was the home early. No such luc(luck). As she turned the corner she was greeted by a creater(creature?) with dripping(dripping with what?) skin. A(at) frist(first) Cindy(space)didn't know what to do with this monster, so she screamed. a/s(As) she trned(turned) to run(comma) it rabbed(grabbed) her forearm and pulled her back with much more strenght(strength) than she thoght(thought) the un-dead(undead{I don't think this has a truly correct spelling}) could ever posess(possess). She fell to the floor, crying out as her head hit the wall with a thud, then once again as the zombie bit her leg. She clawed her way to the bathroom hopping she could wash the contaigon(contagion) out of the bite but as she reached the kichen(kitchen) island her hear(head?) collided(space)with the floor once more, this time knocking her out...
I feel like you could write this with better flow. But, you know, interesting idea.