Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression
Well this is quite the little tale. I really love the subtle building up around it all, really sets things up quite neatly what kind of situation we're in and establishes it all before we even get to the dialogue that really rubs it in fully.
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
Zeus woke up to his usual alarm, and he stuffed his head in his pillow, a non-futile attempt to drown the screams. Screams of his brothers and sisters.
He counted every breath he took and more, waiting for him to leave. And he did, like every day, banging the door behind him. Zeus waited another minute just to be safe, and then pushed the loose floorboard off him. Dust probably older than him rained down as he hoisted himself up.
Well that's quite the start. Looks like either a very lively family where Zeus here tends to sleep in a fairly odd location or some sort of dangerous situation and Zeus is hiding away in the corner somewhere for some reason.
Every god damn time he swore silently, tiptoeing across the dark room and into the hallway. The polished mahogany floor gleamed like a mirror to another dimension and Zeus tried his best not to look down, lest he saw what he detested the most. Some faces are best left masked.
He glided over the hallway, avoiding any touch that was not needed. He finally reached the end. One more door. One more time. One last time. He grabbed the doorknob with his shirt, not leaving any prints. The door opened without any sound, the hinges moving smoothly.
Oooh quite the spooky set of details there. That's a lot of care and thought put into walking what really is a very tiny amount of distance there. Definitely no need to be putting in that much effort to accomplish a goal like that under any normal circumstances.
He peaked outwards, and the grand hall loomed into vision. Its sheer size coupled with flawless build would make anyone sop and marvel at the creation. But Zeus had seen what no one else could see. He had seen the night at this palace. He shut down his thoughts before he had to relive that nightmare.
He had walked halfway across the gigantic table before a shrill voice rang behind him.
“And where do you think you are going?”. The beloved voice of his mother. It had been seven years since he had heard her voice. Screams did not count.
Oooh well looks like we're having an interesting little stop here. Its intriguing on its own the way he describes his mother, for once with the whole time period and calling her beloved but the screams are an extra red flag. Really low how that's set up especially alongside the description of the place itself before that.
He turned around and kept his gaze at her feet, adding a slight bow.
“I was just looking for the young masters. They were not in their rooms so I thought they might be in Master’s quarters” They were never in their rooms, or any room for that matter. He had searched the mansion up and down over the past two years. He knew of entrances not even father was aware of. But he dared not to set foot in father’s quarters, until today.
Well looks like that is the truth there surprisingly given the general tone set around this particular interaction but at the same time its clear there's a lot of general fear and mystery shrouding the place which is definitely building on everything else we've seen so far.
“You must me new boy, for you seem to have forgotten your place” she said, the elegance of her voice long gone, replaced with a mere façade. “Even I seek permission to enter my husband’s quarters. Now scurry before I have Hyperion throw you out, and mind you, he won’t be happy that a slave was poking around his brother’s, especially when he is not home”
“Please forgive my brazen stupidity ma’am. I will never set foot close to Master’s quarters” Zeus said, layering his voice with all the panic he could, and he was a great actor, begging on his knees for forgiveness .
Oooh classic moment honestly if this is indeed building off of greek mythology like I suspect here because Zeus is quiet good at the whole acting thing and he's laying it on real thick to go along with the charade his mother has to pull in order to make sure that he won't be apprehended by someone less... forgiving.
“Out of my sight boy”
He obeyed, keeping his head bowed as he walked past his mother. For a split second, he dared to look in his mother’s eyes, faster than she could blink, and walked away.
But a mother has a bond. A bond that goes beyond acting and looks. A bond of a soul that she nourishes to life. And his bond was stronger, having lost all her other children.
Well looks like they're having a small moment here. It also seem like his mother doesn't fully realize he escape either, which is an interesting little change from the mythology normally. But of course the look of a mother can see through any amount of acting when it comes to a desperate moment like this.
“What is your name, boy?” she asked, her voice shaking.
You must not know me mother, not yet.
“Arcadius” He replied, his voice an octave deeper than what he would have sounded like had he grown up with his mother. Cheap trick, but useful.
She did not utter another word and walked up the grand marble stairs, her eyes watching his every move as he stood there, bowed down and waiting for her dismissal. Any worker worth their grain would never dare to rise while their master spoke.
Well looks like the ploy works or the mother lets it work, either way looks like good things will come from that moment. Let's see how exactly that is going to proceed here.
He raised his head and scanned the vast hallway as he listened for her door to close, and he did. The screech of the hinges as the door opened and closed were like the wails of a widow. Like the wails of his mother. A mother without her children.
He shook away his thoughts and ran as fast as he could, without making any noise. He checked his back once to make sure there was no on who would stop him now. He passed down the portraits of his father, painted in all his glory and fame. Each one looked down at him, and the eyeballs followed his every step as he reached the end.
Oooh love the detail of all the portraits. Makes sense given the kind of person this is, but at the same time gets across this feeling he's being watched the entire time as he attempts this dangerous stunt here.
The black door set in the white birch wood radiated an aura of malevolence, as if just turning the knob would suck all the humanity from you. His heart raced up and every breath would only allow a shallow amount of air in his system. He grabbed the knob with shaking hands and turned it. He waited. No tendrils of darkness lashed out, there was no pain. He was still human. Everything was okay.
Than he swung the door open.
Well looks like the very first stage of the plan is a success and we're about to head right inside now. We'll see where this will end up. Love the description there of how the opening goes, really sets it up well.
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
Overall
Overall I think you've done a really good job building this up here and then the meeting of the mother really driving it home down to the details with the portraits. Really nicely done there!
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate
Kate
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