Young Writers Society

I loved this song, I actually could figure out how it is to be sung, I love the lyrics, they just fit like pieces of a puzzle. I love the underlining meaning, "Tell me, am I the pride in your life," makes me think this is a song that the person was singing to someone that they deeply cared about, and, "Or am I the devil in your eyes?" am I the bad person in your eyes? I didn't care for the chorus as much as I did the verses, the verses I felt had more depth into them than the chorus. I like that it made me think of the meaning, AND RELATE. You can relate to the song, my only problem is that not all the lyrics match up, some are puzzle pieces, some are just scatttered, just there. Hope the review helped!

Hey there DeepCrystal! The Silent Bagpipe here to review some of your lyrics <3

Wow. WoW. wOw. That is all I have to say...and that I LOVED THIS. Your work was very well said, very well presented and everything about these lyrics made me already think of the beat of a song like this. (You actually made me want to listen to some Five Finger Death Punch right now xD)

A few things I have to say are that your work sometimes didn't match up. It sometimes didn't flow to well, which is okay for a song but I just thought I'd let you know because if you can fix the flow, it would make it (I know I am overusing this word =P)... flow... better.
That is all I have to say, your work didn't need much help other than the "flowing" of things. I didn't spot any mistakes anyways, but maybe someone more better at the grammar part of reviewing, could spot something else.
My favorite part of your work was this line -
"Tell me, am I the pride in your life,

Or am I the devil in your eyes?"

I can almost hear Five Finger Death Punch's voice when I read that line. Good job with your lyrics! Love them. Tag me if you post any more <3 =)

~Selina

Oh, this is sooo good!!! I almost have chills running up and down my spine!!! I only have a few miniscule observations and suggestions!

1) You said this was lyrical, which I understand, and I also understand that it can be hard just reading something lyrical because an outside source won't hear the drive behind it. However, I think it might be a little bit easier to understand it you broke it up with a "Stanza One", Stanza Two", and so on.

2) "Spew forth the anger/Vent out the hate/Scream to the heavens/Tell me, was it worth it?"
This was my favorite part. I don't know why I just seemed to feel it more deeply. If that is what you were going for I congratulate you!

3) "Call me a sourpuss" This just didn't seem to fit in with the devilish feel of the lyrics. To me, when I think sourpuss I think of a little kid who needs a nap. Not of a devilish hate. I know it probably sounds different in your head, so if I am TOTALLY off-base here, I apologize.

I really can't find anything wrong with it. I believe you have a real gift for this and I hope to see more of your work!!!

~RagingLive