Published June 11, 2015
Verse One:
Spew forth the anger
Vent out the hate
Scream to the heavens
Tell me, was it worth it?
I tried so hard
To let it all go
My efforts, my love
Tell me, was it enough?
Chorus:
I have loved you,
I have tried to make you proud
I tried to make you see
But your screams, your shouts
Tell me, am I the pride in your life
Or am I the devil in your eyes?
Verse Two:
Spew forth the rage
Tell me my sins
Drive a knife through my chest
Tell me, are you happy now?
I tried so hard
To make you see
My deeds, my heart
Tell me, are you proud now?
Chorus:
I have loved you,
I have tried to make you proud
I tried to make you see
But your screams, your shouts
Tell me, am I the pride in your life,
Or am I the devil in your eyes?
Bridge:
Tell me I am horrible
Tell me I am full of hate
Call me a devil
Call me a pariah
What does it take to bring you pride?
Chorus:
I have loved you,
I have tried to make you proud
I tried to make you see
But your screams, your shouts
Tell me, am I the pride in your life,
Or am I the devil in your eyes?
Points:
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Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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137,902 Literary Works • 672,070 Reviews
I loved this song, I actually could figure out how it is to be sung, I love the lyrics, they just fit like pieces of a puzzle. I love the underlining meaning, "Tell me, am I the pride in your life," makes me think this is a song that the person was singing to someone that they deeply cared about, and, "Or am I the devil in your eyes?" am I the bad person in your eyes? I didn't care for the chorus as much as I did the verses, the verses I felt had more depth into them than the chorus. I like that it made me think of the meaning, AND RELATE. You can relate to the song, my only problem is that not all the lyrics match up, some are puzzle pieces, some are just scatttered, just there. Hope the review helped!
Could you tell me where it seemed scattered?
Hey there DeepCrystal! The Silent Bagpipe here to review some of your lyrics <3
Wow. WoW. wOw. That is all I have to say...and that I LOVED THIS. Your work was very well said, very well presented and everything about these lyrics made me already think of the beat of a song like this. (You actually made me want to listen to some Five Finger Death Punch right now xD)
A few things I have to say are that your work sometimes didn't match up. It sometimes didn't flow to well, which is okay for a song but I just thought I'd let you know because if you can fix the flow, it would make it (I know I am overusing this word =P)... flow... better.
That is all I have to say, your work didn't need much help other than the "flowing" of things. I didn't spot any mistakes anyways, but maybe someone more better at the grammar part of reviewing, could spot something else.
My favorite part of your work was this line -
"Tell me, am I the pride in your life,
Or am I the devil in your eyes?"
I can almost hear Five Finger Death Punch's voice when I read that line. Good job with your lyrics! Love them. Tag me if you post any more <3 =)
~Selina
I like your reference to Five Finger Death Punch. Good band. Although, I think the songs I was listening to when I wrote this were Feel Good Drag by Anberlin, The Kill by 30 Seconds to Mars, and Perfect by Simple Plan.
I haven't listened to any of those singers :/ what kind of music are they?
Anberlin is Christian/alternative rock. 30 Seconds to Mars is alternative rock. And Simple Plan is alt/punk rock. I don't listen to them as bands, I just like those songs I listed. I listen to everything from country to symphonic metal. I can't stand rap.
Rap is the one thing I also hate with a passion. I am heavy metal - country depending on my mood. Not much pop at all, but there is the occasional song I like.
Oh, this is sooo good!!! I almost have chills running up and down my spine!!! I only have a few miniscule observations and suggestions!
1) You said this was lyrical, which I understand, and I also understand that it can be hard just reading something lyrical because an outside source won't hear the drive behind it. However, I think it might be a little bit easier to understand it you broke it up with a "Stanza One", Stanza Two", and so on.
2) "Spew forth the anger/Vent out the hate/Scream to the heavens/Tell me, was it worth it?"
This was my favorite part. I don't know why I just seemed to feel it more deeply. If that is what you were going for I congratulate you!
3) "Call me a sourpuss" This just didn't seem to fit in with the devilish feel of the lyrics. To me, when I think sourpuss I think of a little kid who needs a nap. Not of a devilish hate. I know it probably sounds different in your head, so if I am TOTALLY off-base here, I apologize.
I really can't find anything wrong with it. I believe you have a real gift for this and I hope to see more of your work!!!
~RagingLive
Thank you for the comments!! I don't normally post lyrics.
Well, if you do decide to post more, tag me!!!
Will do