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What A Dad Is

by DebbyDebutaunt


A dad should be a loving, caring, supportive person in your life.

My dad should not be considered a dad,

he was an alcoholic,

he was an abuser,

he was a murderer,

he was a man who only cared after he got caught,

a man who only reached out after he got locked up,

a man who blamed my mom when his kids finally spoke up for themselves.

Even though he was all of this, he was also a victim,

a victim who was neglected in his childhood,

a victim who was abused in his childhood,

a victim who was around alcoholics his whole life.

I don't forgive my dad for what he did, but I do understand the pain he went through,

because he did the same thing to me.


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60 Reviews

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Sun Sep 08, 2024 4:36 pm
candyhearts wrote a review...



Hai :3

You really dive into such raw, intense emotions here, and the way you balance between anger and understanding is so captivating!! The structure mirrors the internal conflict and I feel that struggle between wanting to distance yourself from the pain your dad caused while also recognizing the cycle he was trapped in. It’s like you’re walking this tightrope between condemnation and empathy. It makes the poem hit so hard!! It's heartbreaking for me!! I feel like I'm in your shoes.

It’s like a punch in the gut!! Especially when you change the angle to him being a victim ~~ Suddenly it’s not so black-and-white, and that complexity adds a whole new layer to your message. It’s not just anger; it’s this understanding that trauma breeds trauma and that’s a heavy realization. It's a lot to take in.

I don't forgive my dad for what he did,
but I do understand the pain he went through,
because he did the same thing to me.


This is such an amazing ending !!

That line packs so much emotion ~~ It’s like a quiet but devastating resolution. You’re not forgiving him, but you’re seeing the bigger picture. It leaves me with so many thoughts abt the generational cycles of abuse and the weight of what we inherit from our parents. It makes me really dig into my own family and relationships, which is something powerful to evoke with words!! It's devastating and brilliant.

If I had one small suggestion, it would be maybe to play around with breaking up the lines a bit more, like giving certain phrases their own space to breathe. It might intensify some of those hard-hitting moments even more!! ^_^

- Payton




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Points: 221
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Fri Aug 23, 2024 8:50 pm
EldrintheElder01 wrote a review...



Oh my gosh. Firstly, I want to to say that I didn't have this upbringing, so I can't understand in the way the author can. The poem is short, but very powerful. From the very beginning, you can see that the author has been abused. I feel so bad that this happened. Thankfully, the author seems to have overcome this tremendous burden and is able to change. Unlike her father, she didn't allow her life to be tainted and her views be skewed. She is able to look past this and see that it is wrong. Having a bad childhood does change you, but it isn't an excuse for violence or wrongdoing. This is clearly shown by the author and how they are able to push past this. I don't know how to convey how I feel for this person, but I want them to know that I applaud them for their outlook. They had the internal strength to shoulder these burdens and move on. I hope that someday, if you have kids, you can show them strength.




DebbyDebutaunt says...


Oh my gosh, thank you so much for your feedback! This comment really meant a lot and was just what I needed!




Who knows anything about anyone, let alone themselves.
— Hank Green