Published June 10, 2009
Soulmate
An Autumn afternoon,
I sat on the porch alone-
When I suddenly saw you walk round the corner,
My heart leapt with joy,
I went in your pursuit,
But you had gone...
Leaving me alone;
But then I heard your laugh behind me-
So sweet and pure
I could not resist its lure.
I ran in search of you,
But you had disappeared into the blue-
Loneliness engulfed me, my heart filled with despair
For I had searched for you everywhere,
But you had left me and gone away,
To the myriad land of dreams, the place where land meets day
Abruptly, a rustle broke my reverie, the sound of shoes on the autumn leaves
And my heart filled with hope
I hastened towards the noise, I was sure I would see you,
And finally, there you were standing in the shade of a tree-
Your arms outstretched
I ran blindly towards you,
But suddenly I tripped, I fell,
And when I stood up, you were gone...
My eyes filled with tears,
The shadows of loneliness claimed my soul
When suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder-
I turned, and saw your radiant face, shining through the gloom,
I smiled, for I realised
That you had always been by my side-
A true friend...
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141,616 Literary Works • 675,169 Reviews
This really is a well written poem. It really shows that you care about your friend and vice versa.
Hello,
With what the person before me said I thought this poem was very well written and enjoyable.
Welcome to YWS! I'm happy to be your reviewer for today
I just wanted to inform you that we only have one rule around here and that is before you post a work of your own you have to review two other pieces of work, it's a 2:1 ratio so everyones work is reviewed and critqued:) If you have any questions please feel free to pm me. And if you ever need anything to review please pm as well.
Keep working hard
-Tiffany
So I'll just get right to it.
In the last line, "suddenly" seems a bit misplaced.
The second line's hyphen seems unneeded; maybe a comma would be better placed.
First line, the comma doesn't work unless you have a conjunction.
The third line is good but the fourth doesn't work with it.
"So sweet and pure,
I could not resist it's lure." The comma connects it.
After "despair," there needs to be a comma.
There needs to be a period after "day."
Semi-colon after "noise" instead of the comma.
Comma after "were" instead of "finally."
Period after "outstretched."
Period after "soul."
I really like this last line.
There isn't really anything wrong with it.
This was a very well written poem.
Other than some grammatical errors, it's awesome.
Good job.
~Rachel