Every Night , whenever I lay to sleep , I can see the blue light , Shining and twinkling very deep , Under the holy blessings of God ! All Night long , the blue light uses to lead,The sky of hopes and resilience,While in the day , it takes some rest ,And hides the lake of nostalgic visions !I feel earth's sweet bliss , Under the charming , merry blue light , I can feel infinite symphonic flutes’ rhythms ,Under the colorful shades of the blooming Night ! On my face ,it appears like a lightning star Appealing and let the darkness fade away,From the room's every corner , And stirring out a mesmerizing scenery . I feel the haunting , cruel world, Whenever the blue light seized out , The frightening nightmares choke my head, As the blue lights delve me into a vivid dream and a good night !
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Hiya Debadrita, and welcome to YWS! I found the structure of this poem fascinating. While I agree with radiogrl that separating the poem into stanzas could make it clearer, the lack of line breaks and use of commas and exclamation marks also give it an interesting feel, almost like the "STOP"s in a telegram. If you'd like to keep that unique usage of commas and exclamation marks, I do think making the spacing more consistent would help make the poem more polished and intentional (for example, you could choose to always have a space before and after the comma, instead of having it be stuck to the following word in some places).
Alright, as for the subject matter, the blue light seems like a beautiful constant in the world of the narrator. It seems like something a lot more hopeful and real than the green light in The Great Gatsby, which it reminded me of at first. I could imagine this being a lullaby or a comforting song.
The sky is such an inspirational concept, and I think this line really captures the idea of lifting one's eyes to the sky in search of hope or motivation.
I appreciate the addition of senses other than just sight!
This part didn't quite make sense to me. I got the impression that the blue light protects the narrator from the cruelties of the world, but I couldn't make sense of the "seized out". I don't want to assume, but if it's a translation issue, you could try posting the original version as well! We have users from all over the world on YWS ^-^
Overall, I enjoyed the atmosphere of this poem. Thanks for sharing, and I hope you have a lovely day/night! =D
hey! :]
I am really intrigued by the concept of the blue light in this poem! It functions as the central narrative anchor here--though, I am unsure what it is meant to represent; could be technological, spiritual, or metaphorical--and I really like how you've portrayed it! It's repeated throughout a lot, and that recurrence helps to structure the poem around the symbol. It's much like the transition between night and day / waking and sleeping because of how much you keep mentioning it. I imagine it's meant to be a unifying motif.
The format of this poem confused me though. It is written in stanzaic form through the different ideas across lines, but the stanzas are not clearly demarcated by spacing or punctuation. It's difficult to navigate because of the structure! You have many different thematic ideas throughout, so I would suggest separating this into 3-4 stanzas: the appearance of the blue light, its emotional / spiritual impact, the fear of its absence, and then end on the narrator's return to peace. I'd say commit to a free verse form or tighten the meter and rhyme.
There are some areas with awkward phrasing and punctuation inconsistencies as well, e.g. "it appears like a lightning star." I don't understand what it means. Lightning and stars are *individually* surreal images, but together, they don't make logical sense. I am not anyone to critique logic in poetry--it's personal!--but I don't think it complements the 'blue light' if it is extremely abstract / not expanded on. This happens with, "stirring out a mesmerizing scenery" as well, and it is grammatically unclear who or what does the stirring / what the scenery happens to contain. It's hard to picture what's going on!
I hope this helps; have a good day!
lina