Dear diary
I did it again ,din't wanna do it though .He was a nice man .now my hands are all red again .This blood-lust just overpowers me , it makes me into someone else ,something else .he was my best friend damn!!!! what have i done . What will i tell his wife ??? Goddamn why din't i die .
Hey diary how do you like my new plot i just told you guess you my number one secret keeper. All the people tell me how broken i am ,that i am so much alone but guess what i have you and you have me we don't need any more than that ,right ?
Hey i better get going he is coming again i will talk to you later .If we don't run now he's gonna kill us for sure this time .
bye baby
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139,268 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...well that is certainly not the kind of diary entries that you're average person is going to make on just a regular Tuesday or something, well it certainly managed to catch my attention here, which is why I'm here...xD...but anyway, this really is quite an interesting concept here, that someone who just committed a murder and almost seems to be regretting it somehow. Although I think this reads more like the diary of a serial killer of some sort that is maybe trying to stop themselves from killing but just can't or just....yeah, this opens up a lot of questions. And the greatest question of all is whether this person is just making random excuses or if this person is genuinely trying to fight with his own mind's lust for blood cause that would be a whole other scenario.
And then of course we come to this part here which appears to be talking about a whole other situation where some is potentially out to kill this person who is already a killer, which just adds another interesting dimension to this whole story and then you have to wonder what exactly is even going on in this world. At any rate, even though this does have its share of mistakes, as far as the content goes, this really is a very interesting...and I hope this is the start of something bigger here, cause it looks like it could lead to some really interesting things here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi DeathPrince, acm here for a review. This was intriguing. I was interested to read what happens next in the story, though I had to read everything through for a second time to understand it. There were quite a few spelling and punctuation errors in it, and I had to correct them in my mind before moving on to the next sentence. I feel like these mistakes took something from the piece, because it's hard to understand everything clearly.
Here are the grammatical errors I found with the corrections in bold or underneath the quote:
I did it again. I didn't want to do it, though.
He was a nice man. Now my hands are all red again.
The blood lust just overpowers me. It makes me into someone else, something else.
He was my best friend. Damn! (only on exclamation is needed to get the point across)
What have I done?
What will I tell his wife? (Only one question mark is needed here)
Goddamn, why didn't I die?
Hey Diary, how do you like the new plot I just told you about? I guess you are my number one secret keeper.
All the people tell me how broken I am. They say that I am so much alone, but guess what? I have you and you have me. We don't need anymore than that, do we?
Hey, I better get going. He is coming again. I will talk to you later.
If we don't run now, he's gonna kill us for sure this time.
Anyways, I didn't mean for the review to become too long winded, so I'm sorry if I nitpicked. The main thing was run-on sentences and punctuation errors. The space goes after the punctuation, not before it.
Overall, it was really great. I hope I wasn't too harsh, but I look forward to reading more of this.
@acm thanx for the honest review , these suggestions and feedback will truly help me improve my writing skill . thanx again
Hey there, DeathPrince! I'm TheFantasy14. Welcome to YWS! First off, I really like the plot you have going on already. I'm looking forward to learning more about your characters life and this strange "Blood Lust" that comes over him. A few things you should remember is you don't have to put spaces between the last word in a sentence and the punctuation mark. That threw me off for a second. There are a few capitalization errors, (mostly it's just the I's) as well as one typo, but a quick read-through should fix that easily. You show a lot of promise and this story has a lot of potential. I can't wait to see more!
-Fanty
@TheFantasy14 thanx for your review, i will work on your suggestions. well i wrote this in a hurry so it kinda has silly mistakes . This was kind of prologue to the story ,i will explain the characters in the next chapters.again thanx for the review.