Young Writers Society

Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.

To start off this review, the first thing I noticed is that well, nothing! But please, like I have said many times before, is that tell us readers if you are going to have grammar or not. That would help us greatly when reading!

Otherwise, I didn't notice anything wrong and it flowed very well.

Overall, I liked the poem and keep up the good work! So, happy Valentines Day ! I really need to go now, Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Annnd I think he brought a dinosaur to life. Great. Anyways, Cheerio and fruit loops to you!

This was a very powerful piece. Being a teenager myself, I totally relate to feeling like nobody appreciates you or the things you do. I feel like your message was very clear and personal. I really loved you piece. It flowed very nice, only criticism I have, is maybe take out apparently in live 21. It will make the poem sound a to more matter-of-fact. Overall, great job! This was a great poem.

-Megan Young

Legacy here for a review.

I know truly how it feels to be in a situation like this and you portray it beautifully. A suggestion that I would make is that on words such as I'm and can't is to use apostrophes because it makes things read more easily. Another thing I would say is for your second to last line "Im an angsty teenager who apparently makes your life hell" is to rewrite it without the apparently. The apparently makes it seem like you aren't certain about it. I would also take out the line "You won't let me walk" as it makes things awkward for your flow personally.

"But when I do it gets ignored." should have a comma after do as naturally there would be a pause there.

I hope I was helpful and not too harsh. Legacy out.

Okay, This is literally the story of my life!!!
I agree with everything, because my school is full of bullies like this.
You did great writing this! I love it so much!! I wish I could write like this!!The most relating parts to me are:
"You insult me
"why aren't you as helpful as you used to be?"
I can never do anything right
But when I do it gets ignoredI cry alone in my room because I'm useless
You think i say Im depressed because im bored
You have no idea how hard it is to get out of bed in the morning
How hard it is for me to function
To act like everything is perfectly fine
but I cant just tell you
I know that you'll think I'm using it as an excuse.
But I want to die
I cry
I lie
But no
Im an angsty teenager who apparently makes your life hell
Im tired"

Hello, I hope things are going well with you. When it comes to poetry, I think you have a good bit of potential- the emotions depicted are clear throughout your writing, and the simplistic language and structure helps to enforce the idea that the narrator is tired and down-trodden, too exhausted with life to put in the effort of fighting back. I especially like the line "Im tired" as your closing- the emotions in the poem seem to coalesce there into a sucker-punch of feeling.
Your switch from using rhyme to using free-verse is interesting as well. I feel like the switch doesn't flow quite as it could have, but it does seem fairly natural as to why you used it: as the narrator begins to give into the exhaustion, they go from putting in the effort to write rhymes to just putting down their thoughts. Thus, the switch makes sense, even if the particular style made me cringe a little- but chalk that up to personal preference. There's nothing inherently wrong with switching between forms of poetry half-way through, but it can be a little bit irking for people who appreciate consistency in what they are reading. Take this as you will, however.
Another piece I found irking was your inconsistent use of proper capitalization and punctuation, and this is a little harder to ignore. In some places you use appropriate apostrophes and capitalize your "I'ms"- but in others you ignore it. And you don't even have the excuse of the narrator hasn't the energy to check it, as you have " you'll think I'm using" towards the bottom where they should be running out of energy and "because im bored" towards the top, where they should have the most. Perhaps I'm nit-picking, but it's a fairly easy issue to fix, so I guess I just don't understand why you chose to write it in such a fashion? Unless you just didn't notice?
Overall, I liked this, especially your use of emotion, and I hope to see more of you soon~!

Hello there! Iamawriter here. (Clever name I know.)

First of all, I would like to talk to you person to person for a moment.

*Trigger warning*

I am a survivor of child abuse with PTSD and I know what is is like to be depressed, anxious, and want to die. I've been there. I want to say I feel your pain and I WANT YOU TO BE ALIVE. I don't know you personally but I care about you. Feel free to message me if you'd like.

Now on to the poem.

You've captured the feeling of depression and suicidal thoughts very well. What it feels like to not have someone understand mental health.

The poem seems to flow well but I would add a comma into the first line like this
"You act like I'm the devil, everytime I talk"

I personally would also add more the part about being tired. Elaborate on that and make it flow.

Overall great job.

Sincerely, Iamawriter