Beyond The Sun of Day
~~~
Deamonds open out of of their cadges
All creatures great and small come out of the dark burrows they once knew, see the sunlight.. take a breath
A black blanket drapping over the beaming sun
Just to cool air for them
For you
For us
Their minds spinning, creating, thinking around each den
Brains working
Harts beating
Throughts swallowing
They let, is out all there wories are gone.
Join them on a journy , you will not be alone
Come now and don't turn around
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Everything Claudette said except for one more minor mistake.
First line, "cages" not "cadges"
Cheerios,Chandni
I'm not sure how I should start this?
You have several obvious spelling errors, all of which could have been caught by a spell check—and if your word processor doesn't have one, go to your local search engine and type in "spell check". They aren't too hard to find.
I'll underline all the misspelled words...
Well, not that the spelling is out of the way... You used a period no where. The punctuation was beyond atrocious, seeing as there was an overall lack of any. Poetry & Punctation, an article I wrote that might help you out.
It lacks form, rhythm, rhyme, stanzas... I suppose you could call it free verse, but even then...
this being the most unpoetical line, since it is a whole line. Something like that you would split up, make into separate lines. Have you ever read any poetry? I suggest you should, even if just around the site. It'll help you get a feel for what poetry is/isn't (which could be debated, but even then there is still a certain...criteria.).
As for the topic. Eh. I'm not exactly sure it's new, but then again I'm not even exactly sure what this poem was about, due to its odd construction.
I highly suggest you read some poems before taking another stab at poetry... Also, go look for articles in writing tips by Incandescence, or go join the poetry seminar group (or read any of the articles) both of which would be very helpful (He's a master.).
I really hope all that I said didn't get you down, I know I had a complete lack of nice things to say, but eh, honest is the best policy? In hopes it will make you better in the end. I hope you don't take this all too personally.
If you would like for more poetry help, I'm all willing to help those that don't get all the tough stuff. PM me if you have any question, want tips, or anything of that nature. Best of luck for the next one.