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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This story sounds like it is going to be very good however i found bits of it a little repetitive and confusing. the first paragraph starts off very well. I love this first section
I don't like the wording of the next section too well as the next few lines are a bit confusing. i understand what is happening but they could be voiced more appropriately.
This sentence in particular is odd. I don't know what you want to express here but i would suggest something along the lines of "I might have been able to escape before, but not now, not now i was bleeding.
You may prefer it your way but i feel that my way makes more sense.
It was also difficult to read as a single paragraph and i know you probably won't have it on your computer like this it would be better if it were in paragraphs on this post so that it is easier to understand.
The rest of the passage is very good. it is edge of your seat stuff and you should be proud. Well done for it. I very much enjoyed it.
I've writen up to the 5th chapter of this, this is chapter 1. But the thing is I don't know what to call it. Please give suggestions if you have them. THanks!