Alice. My name is Alice. I'm 16 and his attacks don't hurt anymore.
I repeat this mantra in my head as my father keeps taunting me.
It wasn't my fault....was it?
It's hard keeping a straight face with those harsh words coming from my father, and after a while I can't bear it anymore.
I run up to my room with tears in my eyes and slam the door shut, locking it in place before i collapse on the floor, unable to keep it all in anymore. And then I cry. I cry like a starved baby begging for food, except in my case it's the lack of love rather than food.
Someone's fist pounds on my door repeatedly.
'SHUT UP! What the hell are you crying for?! I'm the one who should be crying for having a daughter like you!' , a voice yells from the outside. My father's voice.
Hearing those words sends a new jolt of pain through me and I start crying harder as my father continues to pound on my door. Pressing my hand to my mouth, I curl up into a ball, trying to control my sobs. Shut up shut up.SHUT.UP.
After a while I somewhat calm down, my father stops pounding on my door after that. I keep lying on the floor with tears still streaking down my face for,I don't even know how long. But, when I get up the sun had already set,washing my room in darkness. I should just sleep.
I get up and stumble towards my bed, my knees and back too sore from being curled up for longer than they could handle.
Laying down on my bed, I try to fall asleep but at the same time I wish that I don't. I know exactly what will happen once I fall asleep. I will dream. I will have dreams about the happy parts of my life.
I finally drift off, and wander into a part of my mind that takes me down the memory lane.
'Alice!' my mother calls out to me as I run away from her, laughing. She's laughing too. We're playing, I realize.
I keep running after a few seconds my mother catches up to me.I let out an indignant sound and stop,waiting for her to catch me but suddenly someone is lifting me up and running away with me. The person is laughing too. She has beautiful, long blonde hair and sparkling green eyes like my mother.
It's Kristene. My sister.
I gasp as I wake up, my cheeks are covered in tears and I'm sweating despite the cold wind that blows through the open window.
I stare at the ceiling and think. I think about that sweet guy in school that I'd met at the day of my finals, I'd forgotten to ask his name. I think of that bitch Tracy who used to be my best friend. I think of that brat Marcus with his arrogance and his showing off. I think of that emo girl who gets bullied by everyone. I think of my family. I think of everyone and how their lives have affected them.
And then I think of me, a maniac who should probably be in a mental institution for messing up my own life and then making myself miserable.
All of this makes me angry and sad at the same time. It's just too much. Everything is too much for me. I need to stop my emotions and there's only one thing I can do about it.
The supple and suave voice of the blade calls to me from the darkness. It's like a siren, calling to me and I can't help but listen to it.
I go to my desk and look for it in the darkness. Finally, after searching for some minutes, I find it. It's cold in my fingers. It's gleaming edge reflects the moonlight streaming through my window.
It looks beautiful yet deadly, just like the Prince of the Unseelie court I'd read about in faery tales. He's beckoning to me to come to him, and he's promising to take my pain away.
I place the sharp edge of the blade on my wrist and I cut. I cut until I don't feel anything, until I feel numb. It's the best thing in the world, feeling nothing. I feel inhuman yet peaceful.
I stare, fascinated as blood gushes out of my wounds. It flows down my arm and onto the floor.
I lay down on my bed and fall into a dreamless sleep, my brain too distracted by the pain to think of anything else.
***********************************************************************************************
Today is the first day of my junior year in high school. The alarm's blaring noise wakes me up from sleep to start the day I've been dreading since the second my last year's finals ended. And now it has finally come.
I get out of the bed and walk to the window, to get some fresh air in my lungs. It's a cold day today, but not as cold as the hearts of my tormentors.
But maybe... Maybe things will be different this year. Maybe I'll find myself talking and eating and socializing again. Maybe Tracy would finally forgive me, maybe she'll finally go back to the being the sweet girl she used to be in middle school. Maybe Marcus will finally realize how wrong his actions are. Maybe people will realize that the emo looking girl doesn't self harm and stop bullying her about it. Maybe I'll be able to build up enough courage to go up to that sweet guy and ask him what his name is. Maybe. But probably not.
Taking a deep breath and I close the window, to prevent anymore of the cold breeze to seep into my room. I quickly undress and walk inside the shower.
The hot water flows down my body, relaxing my stiff muscles. I hiss in pain as the water touches the fresh cuts on my wrists. It washes away all the dried up blood from last night.
I grab a towel, get out of the shower, and dry myself down before getting dressed. My scars burn as I pull on a denim jacket over my t-shirt.
Unlock my bedroom door, I peer outside in the cold corridor which consists of only two doors; one door is my father's bedroom and the other is the one I am standing in. My father's bedroom door is fully ajar and I could see him lying on his bed, sleeping. He looks so peaceful, and it reminds me of things. Things that I don't want to remember, things that I'd dreamt about last night.
I watch him for a few minutes before grabbing my things and padding downstairs into the kitchen. I grab a protein bar and get out of the house before he wakes up.
The air is even colder outside. I sigh and wrap my scarf around myself to protect myself from the cold. The scarf settles a feeling of hatred inside me, it used to belong to my mother. My mother who was a coward just like me, who couldn't handle life, like me.
Even though I hated her, a small part of me couldn't help but felt sorry for her, a small part of me couldn't help but understand why she did what she did.
I start walking towards my school, with my head down and Pierce The Veil blaring into my ears through my earphones.
Music, it's the only thing that calms me down. But sometimes even music is not enough. I wonder what would happen the day cutting my skin open won't be enough anymore.
The long and cold walk to school was pleasant compared to the atmosphere inside it.
People everywhere. It's like a roaring sea of teenagers in there, talking, laughing, shouting, and pushing each other to get through the crowd.
I take a deep breath and push into the crowd, trying to get to my locker and also hoping; hoping that the crowd would help me blend in so that he doesn't notice me.
I'd successfully prevented myself from thinking about him since the last day I was in school. But now I'll have to face him again. I'll have to face the guy who helped me sabotage my friendship with Tracy. The guy who said he loved me yet broke all of his promises to me. The guy who was now dating my former best friend, just like he was dating her when he made all those promises to me.
But of course that was too good to hope for, just like all the other things I hope for every second of everyday.
'Alice.'
Oh no.
My name, whispered in my ear by a voice so familiar, a voice I had trusted in the past. Dylan's voice. It sends a chill right down my spine and suddenly my whole body freezes. I can't think, I can't move. I stand there being pushed around by the crowd, dreading whatever was going to happen next.
So I basically just combined the first two chapters since nothing much happened in both of them. I also edited some things in the plot. I hope whoever's reading it liked this one better and can connect to the story in at least some way. :)
thank you so much for posting though. I'm happy to have read your story no matter how real it is.
I CRAVE MORE YOUNG WRITER! I WANT TO READ MORE! ,(Hehe so sorry that is my sleep-deprived, been-typing-my-review-on-this-for-half-an-hour side of me.)
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