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This is great! Even though it's short, it has A LOT of emotion packed into it. Some sweet emotion! It's definitely got some dark parts in it, ("When a woman can't sell her body") but it's all true and it really speaks to multiple groups of people. Anyways, I look forward to reading more of your work. Keep up the good work, and don't lose this originality!
As always, good luck to you and your writing!
I agree. I'm not an American but I'm forced to live in this so called "free" country. It absolutely annoys me when Americans think they are the best because of thier freedom, when they really are all slaves of their government and are confused by themselves. Really what I'm trying to say is, I don't like America. I agree with what you are saying. I don't see a land of the free. (I definetly don't see a home of the brave either) All I see is a bunch of slaves running away from the truth like a mouse after a scrap of food. That's what I think
~Dark
Hey! I'm Elizabeth and I've got a review for your poem!
First, I really liked your poem's title because it really attracts an individual to read and wonder what it will be about. I love reading poems about our culture so that also made me interested in your poem.
Your repetition of the line "I don't see the land of the free" really created an awareness of the injustices you listed after the line. However, I think you should of added more injustices to really create emotion within the reader. It would also help emphasize more on the fact that the land of the free does not live up to its name. Giving more examples of injustices would really impact your poem in a good way. The rhetorical question was a perfect way to end your poem. It really gets the reader to analyze their own life and question their believes. Overall I enjoyed your poem! Good job!
Hey! I'm Elizabeth and I've got a review for your poem!
First, I really liked your poem's title because it really attracts an individual to read and wonder what it will be about. I love reading poems about our culture so that also made me interested in your poem.
Your repetition of the line "I don't see the land of the free" really created an awareness of the injustices you listed after the line. However, I think you should of added more injustices to really create emotion within the reader. It would also help emphasize more on the fact that the land of the free does not live up to its name. Giving more examples of injustices would really impact your poem in a good way. The rhetorical question was a perfect way to end your poem. It really gets the reader to analyze their own life and question their believes. Overall I enjoyed your poem! Good job!
Hello there, I've got a review for this poem
Firstly, I've gotta commend you for taking on a poem with this theme. More poems like this should be written.
I love the way you kept repeating "I don't see the land of the free" before going on to describe something which you think is unfair. This was a good way of emphasising to your readers that there are still many injustices occurring in the world and that although people may try to hide them, or pretend that they do no exist, there is still plenty that needs to be done before equality is gained for all.
I think you should elaborate a bit more. Including just two instances (gay marriage and prostitution) won't be enough if you want to strike the emotional core of the readers. Feel free to include several instances of injustice in order to drive home your point that The Land of the Free is just a fallacy.
Also, I like that little rhetorical question at the end, where you make the readers question themselves and their own ideologies. Keep that.
These are just my opinions. Good poem, keep writing!
Heyyy DeadPoet.
Welll I love your title.
I Agree with your last lines truly everyone needs to live happily.
Your lines about the women selling their bodies is kind of not suitable instead you could
have put something else. But this is just a suggestion your the poet.
Otherwise it really good and kind of inspiring in a way
Heyyy DeadPoet.
Welll I love your title.
I Agree with your last lines truly everyone needs to live happily.
Your lines about the women selling their bodies is kind of not suitable instead you could
have put something else. But this is just a suggestion your the poet.
Otherwise it really good and kind of inspiring in a way
Hello Deadpoet. Jordin here with a review for you (A Deadpoet.) I sure hope it is of some help to you.
Okay very small thing it is not even a problem I just think that it would sound better like this. "I do not see the land of the free."I really don't know why you even put this in here. :I
A bit of this poem did not make any sense.
Grammar:I don't think that there were any problems.Good.
Punctuation:Everything was good in this line.Great.
Spelling:Not a single problem here.Great.
Reason:Um... I don't see any reason for this really.medium. (Most poems don't have a reason.)
Overall contents:Some of it did not make sense.Not good.
Rimes:Your rimes were good although some of it made no sense.great.
Keep writing and good luck.
~Jon~
You spelled Rhymes incorrectly.
agreed
The message you are actually trying to convey is really good. You dont like wars and want peace but the title you have used looks uninteresting. It should have been more like 'The Free Land' Or 'The Land Which Was Free'. 'The Land Of The Free' Looks Uninteresting and boring. Also, It Does Not Make Any Sense. While Writing A poem it is not always necessary to used rhyming but if you do it should be of the format
A
B
A
B
OR
AA
B.
The 2nd Line Looked Really Awkward 'When gay men aren't free to be married'
Readers may loose their interest while reading such sort of lines.
And what do you mean by woman cant sell her body??
It looks really awkward!
I Dont see the land of the free does not at all sounds interesting.
So i guess you need to change all that.
Good Luck
This piece is completely and totally about things that bother me about America. We are called The Land Of The Free but in truth are restricted by our boarderline dictorial government.