Three words I never thought I'd say,
Yet they hang in the air,
S u s p e n d e d,
Between the walls of this silent room.
I desperately wait in silence,
For your heart to resonate,
To
e c h o
back,
The love I hold in my trembling hands.
But the room remains still,
As if it's afraid of the earthquake my words may cause.
You sigh,
And I already know.
You open your mouth,
But love is a language lost to you.
You stand there,
And I realize,
I never had a chance.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
This is honestly so sad, but so beautiful at the same time. It really hits hard when people reading this can actually feel what your words are saying. Keep writing!
Thanks!
Hiiiii!! Great piece it’s really emotional and well thought out! It would be more interesting if you had a more wider use of vocabulary though but apart from that it’s beautiful<3333
(Btw, do yu have a nickname cause I honestly can’t be asked to say that whole name every time lol!)
Grim
Yippee!
Haha
Hey, coming in to review this amazing poem!
This was short but sweet, and I loved it. The way you handle your imagery and metaphors is just so cool to me! Plus, I love the way you incorporated style into this--the spaced out letters seem so intentional (in a good way!) and they contribute to the airy feeling of the poem. It almost feels like a raincloud floating up into the air. My favorite quote is this one--
This line is all too relatable to me. It perfectly captures that feeling, when you can tell someone doesn't care about you. I've never seen this metaphor before, so points for creativity!
I will say that some of the commas break the flow of the poem, but I know that's usually a stylistic choice so I won't point them out.
Thank you for sharing this poem with us! I truly loved it and can't wait to see more.
Happy RevMo!
<3, Meenal (theromanticchemist)
hellooo! This is such a beautiful and relatable poem you just wrote. It brings a melancholic feeling for me when I read it. I love the sentence 'I desperately wait in silence, for your heart to resonate'. Its just something I would quote. Keep up the good work.
this almost made me choke.
not because it was bad or cringy, but so relatable.
I've felt that way too many times. its not like you're suffocating, or you're drowning. the books and the movies are dramatic. its like the very air is thick. you can breathe in it, but you can feel it in the back of your throat. and it stays like that. in the pit of your stomach, through your chest, all the way up to your head. its kind of like anxiety, where it eats away from you, but unlike anxiety, you never calm down. you literally live with it until you cry. of course, maybe my feelings are just a little dramatic, but that's how I feel, anyways. its funny, you can love someone with every breath. with every movement. they could live in your mind from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. and even then, you dream about them. they never leave your mind. and once you get rejected like that, the silence of the room is hot and thick and it literally puts you in shock. "oh" is probably all you can say. and then you live with it for a while. the love that made you happy makes it hard to breathe and you'd do anything just for a fleeting moment of your attention. they're always busy. they never have a conversation with you. soon you start to fabricate things, problems that never existed. so let me give you a little advice.
don't let them go. but don't choke them by holding on too tight. don't distance yourself, but don't try to be with them every step of the way. find a middle, if things go a bit awkward. if they don't like questions, don't question. make small chat. don't pretend like it never happened. "you know I love you, right?" when they're sad is fine. its never caused an issue. it might not be best to do that if they are already with someone, and with that being said, "you know I'm with you, right? I'll never leave." is probably the best thing you can do. remind them that you care but still keeping things at a healthy length away is your best option, okay? sooner or later, the air will seem a little less thick once you go back to being able to talk. and if you cant talk, if its truly that hard to shake a conversation out of them, then simply find something to keep you busy or someone to talk to. they don't have to be a replacement or anything. just don't make your entire world about them.
have a good day!
Thank you so much! ^^
hi deadmente11n0tales!
i love the quiet space of this poem, and all of the beautiful nature/indoors imagery.
it's really interesting how you space out suspended & echo. and also how breathy/short this is. it's a bit strange how short some of these lines are vs. how long some of them are. just think about that if you'd like!
i also loved the line "but love is a language lost to you". literally speechless!
overall, beautiful poem.
-epithet
hi deadmente11n0tales!
i love the quiet space of this poem, and all of the beautiful nature/indoors imagery.
it's really interesting how you space out suspended & echo.
-epithet
Great poem.
DeadMenTe11N0Tales
In my opinion
Is one of the best writer's
I've known
He writes very well
His topics
I would love to see
More topics
Being written
Here on
Yws
Thank you so very much,
fivesixsevenzero,
I am happy to hear this.