16+

The Ballad of the Draculina -Prologue & Chapter 1

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

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Prologue-

Ever since I was born, my mother and father would tell me how our kind worked. By the time that I would turn 1800, biologically 18, I would have to marry another person that was not a part of my clan. When that happened, my kind would spread to have greater numbers, probably even rivalling that of the humans. The only thing......

I hate my kind.

Chapter 1- The Boy Who Cried....

"Alexander, Alexander, get down here this instant, "I could hear my mother scream from the lower gallows

I let out a huff, "Coming mother"

Leaping off of my king sized bed, I walked out of my room and down the dark halls of my home. I passed by a few maids and waved to them as they went by; they, of course, were not human. It was a rule in my world that humans were not allowed to be around vampires, it was for their safety; however, that didn't stop them from having a morbid curiosity about us. Well, ''Curiosity killed the cat"; we all know that saying, and drinking their precious blood would prove it to be true.

"Master Luff, your evening meal is ready, "my personal chef rolled a cart in my direction

"Put it in my room, "I ordered the man

The cook bowed to me, "Yes sir"

Shuffling on, I soon passed the corridor leading to the dining hall, then past the staircase leading to my sister's bed chamber.

''Mother, ''I saw her standing in front of a painting of my late father

"Alexander, ''she beckoned me with her hand, "Come here"

I obeyed and soon stood side by side with her, her long red mane, flowing against my shoulder.

"Ada and her family will be here tomorrow, "she turned to me

"I know, ''I replied

"Good, don't miss dinner, "she ran a finger across my throat, "Or I will punish you accordingly"

"Yes mother, ''I said robotically

"Your sister and I only want the best of you, "she smiled sickly at me, "Don't take this chance..."

"Yes mother, "that was the only thing I could repeat

''Be gone, "she snarled, "Get out of my sight"

"Yes mother"

========================================================================

'Bitch, 'I swore to myself

I couldn't stay in that house; I had to get away from there. After leaving my mother, I had quickly gotten my lunch from my room and jumped out of the window.

'She thinks she can control me, 'I growled, 'She knows nothing of what I can do'

Flying through the trees, I marvelled as the sun shined through with a bright brilliance, the leaves sparkled with a shimmering gleam.

''What a beautiful day, ''I mumbled to myself, ''the sun is still so bright"

I had to stop after a while and start to walk, I couldn't let a human see me and call the police to come detain me.

''Jeremy made me meat pies again, ''I bit into my lunch

Vampires do not require blood to survive, we are just like humans, needing food and water to survive; drinking blood does not suffice. The reason vampires drink blood is to bring pleasure or pain to whom we bite; if that person is a lover, we can not only mark them as our possession, we can bring them great pleasure from the experience; if that person is a foe, we can inject them with a poison that will kill them slowly and painfully.

''At least someone cares about my opinion, ''I chowed down on the exquisite meal

I soon found myself in a town far off from my home; I had unconsciously disobeyed my mother.

'I should head back, 'I thought to myself

Turning to go back, my eyes soon fell on an antique store. The relics seemed to be real and not some dupe creation by a forger.

"Well, one look couldn't hurt, "I said with a shrug, "Besides, I will have an excuse for mother when I get home"

Going over to the old wooden store, I pushed open the creaking glass door and walked inside, careful not to let it slam shut. It looked as if it would break into teeny tiny pieces if that happened.

The store had many things from old centuries, books, vases, chairs, tables, etc. They were all genuine.

''Wow, "I said to myself, ''this is impressive''

''What'cha looking for mister, "I heard a soft voice behind me

Looking back, I saw a tiny girl who looked to about the age of six. She was wearing a turquoise dress with a black cardigan, matching slippers, and a silver butterfly necklace with an assortment of gems. Her dark brown hair was curly and ended at her waist, it seemed as if it was an ocean of hair, her eyes matched the color, innocence shining right into every nook and cranny of her being.

"Ah, "I smiled at her, "nothing in particular, just looking around"

"Oh, well, my daddy says that if you find anything, ring the bell at the register, "she giggled and went on her merry way

I let my guard down for a bit, humans were so full of life sometimes, you wonder what kept them going. I continued my snooping to see if anything interested me. So far the mahogany tables seemed to go on forever until I found myself in a wonderland of old textbooks and novels. I picked up a few that I would have to read later, Wuthering Heights, Pride and Prejudice, Moby-Dick, The Scarlet Letter, and, even ironic as this may sound, Dracula. The books were kept in marvelous condition and looked as if they were printed out this year. I also grabbed a few journals which hard covers made me grin in excitement.

I was soon at the register ringing the bell in an almost stupor of giddiness. I couldn't wait to make my purchases and go back home to begin my reading. The books I now carried were some of few that I had not read yet, and I could not stand the anticipation.

'Hurry up, 'I could hear myself thinking over and over again and I continuously rang the rusted silver bell

"Hey, it's you mister; did you find somethin', "the little girl from earlier ran out

"Yep, ''I smirked

''Yay, ''she shouted, "want me to ring you up"

"That'd be nice, "I nodded

It seemed as if the child had done this many times before, even though she is still very young. She rang me up in no time flat and soon wished me to have a good day as I left the store. In less than an hour, I had made a large purchase and was making my way home...

"Just to be scolded by mother, "I finished out loud

========================================================================

"Master Luff, dinner will be served in five minutes; your mother demands that you come down stairs this instant, "I could hear a frantic maid outside my door

Sighing, I placed down my book and stood, straightening out my suit as I did so. Tonight was the dinner where I would meet my future wife. What a living hell.

I made my way down stairs and went into the dining room to see my sister, Adallina, my mother, Elmira, my step-father, Aleixo, and our guests.

"Alexander, how nice of you to finally join us, "Aleixo muttered

"Forgive me, "I put up a front, "I was busy with work"

"All is forgiven, please sit; this is your home after all, ''the man I assumed to be the father of my fiancé said

I sat down by my sister and nearly shivered in disgust at how she decided to carry herself this night. The dress that she was wearing was cherry blossom pink, going down to the floor and was strapless. The torso was lace and was almost completely see through, showing off her ''minimal'' assets.

''Alexander, you should really manage your time better, "my mother showered me with her fake smile

"Indeed, "my sister giggled in delight, "If you're going to keep your time held up in your room; then I worry for poor Ada here"

"I hope that you'll make time for me, "said woman smiled at me

I smiled back in mock happiness, "I pray that I will be able to"

She giggled a bit with a bright pink blush on her cheeks, "Such a charmer"

The rest of the night went by without a hitch. I had met my future wife, a person I thought that I would never meet, a person that I did not want to meet. In months, I would be married to a person that I barely knew, a person I didn't know at all actually. I would be mating with a woman who followed her kind's tradition with no bonds, she would do anything as long as she thought it was for the good of the vampire kind. That was only thing I learned about Ada this night.

I laid on my soft silk bed, waiting for the sandman to come take me to his land. I could not wait to be taken away to a land of dreams, a land where there were no rules, no family, just me, myself, and I, where the sun is forever setting on a flush green hill and the animals have all been laid to rest. The place where I am peaceful, where I not hide my true personality, where I can be true to myself about what path should I follow, what my fate would be.

"What a fool I am, "I frowned as I stare at the ceiling, "thinking of such impossible things"

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
donizback
Review

Hey! Hey! Hey!
What have you been doing on YWS since 2014? You haven't been active at all.

Anyway, you want a review, don't you? I am here for one! So let's not waste any further time and get onto work this thing out.

Well, it was really good. Something I like reading about! It was just as if someone wrote this JUST for me. So you can guess what I am about to say now! I loved it!!!

I totally agree with what Satira said. He/she said almost 85% of the stuff I wanted to say. I still would recommend you to not make the chapters super long. This really puts many readers down and they don't tend to spend much time on reading it.
Other than that, there were really some grammatical mistakes and thanks to Satira, who was so kind to point them out for you.

Try also to write the chapter and prologue as different pieces of writing. Combining them was just not a really wise idea.

Overall, it was a really good story and I hope I'll stick to reading it until you finish it.
Good luck with it and let me know if you need any help. :)

User avatar
Satira
Review
Satira wrote a review · Sun Mar 22, 2015 4:38 pm

Hello! Sorry you had to wait so long for a second review!
I, personally, hate to nitpick when reviewing, because it usually doesn't improve the story. Good spelling does not indicate good writing. However, your grammar mistakes are extensive and consistent throughout the story, so I'm going to point some of them out to you, with examples.

"Alexander, alexander, get down here this instant, "I could hear my mother scream from the lower gallows

1. second 'alexander is not capitalized (but I wouldn't sweat that)
2. the sentence spoken by the mother is 'screamed', which means that after 'instant', there should be an exclamation point. Punctuation in dialogue is a tricky thing... but Alexander's mother is finishing a sentence, and doesn't elaborate after it, so punctuation it is. (SWEAT THIS ONE, IT'S A BIG DEAL)
3. no period at the end of the sentence. (I saw this a ton throughout the story, so I would go back and 'period' all unperioded sentences.)

So here's how it would look in the end-
"Alexander, Alexander, get down here this instant!" I could here my mother scream from the lower gallows.


here's another one:
'Hurry up, 'I could hear myself thinking over and over again and I continuously rang the rusted silver bell

1. I would suggest putting the 'Hurry Up' in italics, because that's what's usually done when a character is thinking about something. That, or just don't put quotes around it at all.
2. Change your second 'and' to 'as'.
3. Needs a comma between 'again' and 'as'.
4. PERIOD at the end of the sentence.

so it would look like this-
Hurry up, I could hear myself thinking over and over agan, as I continuously rang the rusted silver bell.


So yeah, punctuation. it's hard to know where to put it all, but I find the best way to learn it is to pick up a book and read it. Honestly. I think you need to do more of that. All books that get published, no matter how badly written, have good punctuation, so that's the easiest way to take tips.
Happy reading, and, after that, happy writing!
~Satira.

Thank you for pointing out my mistakes; I'll make sure to proof read it again and make my corrections. I'll also make sure to do it for the other chapters as well. I love it when people give me constructive criticism!!!

User avatar
AnimeNerd Comment

This story is beautifully writen. The descriptions aren't too much, but they give you a really good image. The personalities all vary so far, and, it's not a cleasai. The boy/girl usually fall in love at first sight, but, this one is different. Insetad, he hates it. Like I said, it's beautifully written and keep wrighting it. :D

Thank you, I'll try to make the other chapters more descriptive so that you will be able to enjoy it more. I love it when people say that they enjoy my work.

You're welcome. :D



You have to be a bit of a liar to tell a story the right way.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind