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Quotes Yet to be Quoted- 01

by DayDreamWeaver

"One day, I wish to face the thin, meek shadow walking behind me, but not until it is big enough to face.  Not until it weights me down, making to lift a finger a challenge, so that when I tilt my head up to look at the darkened giant, it will be a good fight.  For I know that all the time it pushes me down, I've grown strong enough to pull myself back up."~   DayDreamWeaver 

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19 Reviews

Points: 1398
Reviews: 19

Sat Feb 21, 2015 2:12 am
kay0rys28 says...

Hi DayDreamweaver,

I must commend you for the effort. I am guessing you must be wanting to have quotes being quoted by people, however few of the content or rather lines were a bit incoherent to me. I just hope it were a bit more unclouded.

Good Luck.... :)

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594 Reviews

Points: 106
Reviews: 594

Sun Feb 15, 2015 11:09 pm
fortis wrote a review...

Hey, so I don't really understand this at all. Do you want people to quote this, or what? What do you even mean by a "quote?" A quote is something that somebody has said, but you have already said this. By your title, it sounds like you have either not said it yet, or you are waiting for it to gain popularity, and for people to quote this baby left and right.
That second one will not happen.

There's a reason people know well-known quotes. Usually, the person whose quote it is is famous or they did something noteworthy. But other times, the phrase itself is just memorable. Mostly, it's both.

The most important thing about a quote is that it's easy to remember. This means that the shorter it is, the better. I would never remember this quote you have here.

Probably the second most important thing about a quote is that it's understandable. This was not understandable. I have no idea what you're talking about.

To be honest, this sounds like you're trying to be fancy, like you're trying to write something for a presidential inauguration or something (those things are full of fancy wordings and quotable quotes). It sounds like you're trying to be "deep".

I say, if you want this to be a quote, in any respect of the word, you should simplify it down to its barest bones. People don't quote things with a bunch of fancy, pretty words. They quote rawness. Figure out what you're trying to say, then say it in as few words as possible.

Next, I think you're having some problems with grammar. I'm not quite sure what's going on in this department. Your words are rather convoluted, see here:

making to lift a finger a challenge

This is wrong somehow. I don't know what exactly is wrong with it, but the grammar grates against my ears, and it does not help with my confusion.
I might change that to say "Not until it weighs me down so far that even lifting a finger is a challenge." I don't understand the second part of that phrase at all in the context of meaning, so I just got rid of it all together.

The ending sounds like something found on an inspirational poster, and that's what's giving me the preachy vibes.

Let me know if you need help with this clarification process. I was going to show you what I would have done, but that would be writing this for you, and I think you should be in charge of your own edits. ^^

I appreciate your start to writing. It's very hard to get into writing at first, and everything helps. Don't let my review stop you for continuing to write-- I'm just here to help~

Let me know if you have any questions, and Keep writing!!

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8 Reviews

Points: 734
Reviews: 8

Wed Feb 11, 2015 12:45 am
ShadeGloe wrote a review...

Hey, Shade here,

First off I love this idea, do you mind if I "steal" it/ share some of my own quotes in a similar fashion? If not thats okay.

Second thing, there are certain typos like "making to lift a finger a challenge" and "Not until it weights me down".

Perhaps put your quote into a poem format to make the sentences stand out more and draw the eye and mind to the most important bits.

Thanks for sharing this and I'll be looking for more!

P.S. there is an unnecessary space between your name and the tilda

Hi Shade,

Thank you for your advise on how i can improve it and yes, i would love it if you used the quote idea! I unloaded this because it is one of the first things i have written and needed some advise on how to alter it. Again, thanks for reviewing!
P.S. I feel dumb about the space between my name and tilda thing, probably should have noticed.

Some call me a legacy, others call me a hero. But I assure you, dear admirers, I am only human.
— Persistence