A/N: A short but touching story. This happened to a sophomore at my high school. I was not one of these boys XD.
~~
We stood their at the edge of disaster. Each of us wanted the rush it brought. The sun was shining and a slight breeze rustled through the trees behind us. Clouds were few and scattered it was the perfect day. The wooden and metal tracks lay in front of us.
My friends had convinced me to come. I hadn't really been sure, but they said it would be like nothing I had ever experienced.
"How many times have you guys done this?" I asked slightly scared.
"Oh, we've done it a lot of times," my friend replied.
Somehow I wasn't reassured completely. My conscious kept telling me to run; it told me to escape. Rooted to the spot, I couldn't decide. The usual noise of the train could be heard faintly. It was approaching at a great speed probably fifty miles per hour. I swallowed my saliva.
"Get ready," they told me.
Copying what they did I moved right up against the track. I looked back and forth at the boys next to me. They all looked so confident and exhilarated, but I wasn't sure. It was coming fast this was my last time to flee, but I stood my ground.
"Go!" One yelled.
I hesitated. I could see the black blur to my right flying toward me and the sun shining above. For five seconds I stood rooted to the spot. I jumped. Time slowed and I began to turn my head to the right; I never completed the turn. My body was engulfed by the black mass.
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141,381 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
wow oh my god lol after I read that It made me cry,that was really sad to me. Lol can you PM me and give me some tips on how to write a short story? It would be really great if you could!!
PEACE
~brittany~
Thanks everyone I appreciate the critique/comments.
I have to say that was a story that came with some big impact. The reaction you got out of me was more the want to shout at the lads for being so stupid, but hey, it's sad and a big loss all the same -- but christ those kids are silly.
Any'oo!
As for your writing: I love it! My favourite thing about this is you've kept it short and the description has painted some very vivid imagery that allows your readers to put themselves right into the situation your narrating. The wonderful thing about this is you can spark all these big impacts such as the sad emotion the reader feels, or the anger that I felt. It varies from reader to reader, but the fact that you've managed this shows your extremely talented at narrating a story.
Well done for putting it in first person by the way, I think that was an excellent decision.
Keep up the writing!
Ben.
Wow, thats really sad D: but the story, it was great. I had a clear picture of what was going on in my mind, and i was sucked in once i started reading so see what was going to happen.
Beleive it or not, before i found out that he was going to stand infront of the train, i thought that it was going to be a rape story...
very well written.
good job:D
Yes, it was incredibly sad the entire school mourned him.
Wait I don't get it the sophomore died? That is really sad...no one in my school every died other than the dad of a girl in my class...wow that's pretty tear-jerking....died for a dumb stunt. :_(
~Jasmine Bells~
Peace, Love, Writing, Insanity and Chocolate