Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
Her grace dances across my synapses. I’ve left something beyond my own world. The subtleties in her bosom are to be admired. The voluptuous way the swagger compliments her waist. Even in the dark, her crimson red hair illuminates her snow white tan. I look into her vast eyes and our heartbeats meet. She begins to play her ivory skin piano. Shaven and bald, all is to be seen. A connection of mutuality with our bodies. Her libertine sighs perforate the midnight air with musicality. Dulcet tones reform my body to something new. Pushing upward I am flushed with overwhelming pleasure, closer than ever before. Serpent swells fall across me.
I am biologically driven towards an ending, her signs of fertility signal me to so, a last second push, think about baseball, we will meet in climax, have to time it right, a sense of urgency spikes me to, delayed satisfaction for too long, right there, together now, must be quiet now, an audible groan, cut the film, show’s over.
The backlit screen cuts across the bedroom. Exiting the browser, I proceed to fold shut my device and set it aside. The crumpled tissue paper I toss over the side of the mattress. A quick glance at the clock and I’m fast asleep.
Her hair is in tangles when I awake next to her puggish face. Morning comes with the sun shining on her dull olive skin. The sun refracts on to me from her ring finger. Something in me can’t stand her. She leaves to fix breakfast, I deny her of hearing her sacred sighs. I reach over and turn on the screen. The backlight beams on and highlights the wrinkles upon my face. Music is playing again.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
I've got to admit your use of vocabulary greatly impressed me. Such a great and short story should have a lot more reviews than just two, but eh, what can you do. A part of me didn't understand what the story was about but after reading it two more times I was able to figure out the meaning which contributes largely to reason why I like this story so much. I look forward to your next story. Keep up the good work
I'm shocked you haven't received more reviews, Davey. What I liked about this story is that it took Joycean themes and stylings, and placed them in a modern context. I have often wondered how themes, relevant to our generation, could be written without having to write about social media and cyberpunk-esque BS. This accomplished such a feat. Your stream-of-conscious prose was pretty good, becoming ambiguous enough to pull the rug out from the reader's feet towards the end. It did not seem contrived, as it aided you in your examination of a man who has become jaded by pornography and a fantastic image of women to the extent that he hates his wife/fiancée/partner. Well done, my friend.
Shadowolf here
Nice little short story you have here, but im gonna get right into it.
Your usage of vocabulary is quite impressive and vast, the only issue I have with it, is that while I understand how they are trying to be conveyed, they just feel a bit off. This is more of a personal opinion and you do not have to take this to heart.
"I look into her vast eyes and our heartbeats meet." This portion of the sentence is good and well, until the last two words. It should be more along the lines of "I look into her vast eyes and our heartbeats synced." Doesn't have to be this exact edit, but around those lines.
Other than that, I find that this story is a little confusing. Its going well until the second paragraph. (you could use more periods than commas, add a few dashes to mix it up) The third paragraph is well intended, but does not mention or even hint at the woman who lays in his bed next to him who appears in the fourth paragraph.
That's about all I have to give to you about this, as i said before, wonderful vocabulary, its just how you use them. Don't worry about getting too overzealous about using those awesome words all the time. Most readers wont notice if you use a simple word among the other wonderful ones. Good short, keep on keeping on