Published March 9, 2008
These feelings inside me
Are raging to be set free
And your ignorence is despising
Yet you dont notice a thing
No you never notice a thing!
My love for you never fails
It only grows stronger with every passing day,
Sometimes I think you have feelings for me too
But you always look the other way!
Why cant you understand?
Why cant you ever understand
That when I cry silent tears
They are always for you.
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141,381 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
Really good young miss, I know the feeling.
No-one ever notices...
Thats all I've got to say.
I must disagree with Niteowl on this one. A poem is not a short story and doesn't have to tell about someone and why. Lament alone is the subject, you do not need to justify any other view then the singular point for the poem. Doing that would simply quarrel with the poem itself, throw it more into mixed emotions and ultimately suffer for indecision.
The 1st and 3rd stanzas are best, and when ignoring the 2nd stanza entirely, the poem seems more complete as the third continues the mood established in the 1st. The 2nd stanza is unnecessary, it simply repeats what the 1st and 3rd say.
I love this poem! It explains how I feel also. (If it is about your feelings for a guy.)
Amazing!
Great Job!
Zalex
i think it's a nice poem.
i suggest fixing your spelling of ignorance and adding commas and colons, etc.
This poem needs some development. I get that you love someone, the question is Who? Why? How come they don't love you? What makes you think they have feelings for you?
If you choose to tackle this subject again, I suggest taking a different approach. Rather than telling me how you feel, show me through a moment you spent with this person. Use the five senses to create a picture of this person and your emotions. This will make it much more interesting and unique.
If you try again, let me know. Keep writing!
It gets the point, which it seems a lot of poets have difficulty doing, 'cause they waffle on about nothing for no apparent reason. I like the way you put across your point in the first verse- you make it so obvious that this person is in love, that you didn't really even need to mention it in the second! That, my friend, is a skill, and I wish I posessed it.
However:
"No you never notice a thing!"
I would put a comma after the 'no', because of the simple, rudimentary reason that is where I would breathe after reading your stunning prose. And also, "despising"....I'm sure thats spelled wrong, but as I am no spelling bee or whatever they're called, I can't be sure, so maybe just ignore me on this one.
However, all in all, it's pretty darn gurd.