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The colours of our lives

by DarkVanilla

Published March 17, 2011

-removed-

Comments & reviews · 5
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Noelle
Review
Noelle wrote a review Review · Aug 28, 2011

Hi there!

Wow...this poem is great! I love how you took the colors of the world and put them together into one poem. Your imagery is great (obviously because this whole poem is about the imagery of the earth!). You put some good emotion into this as well.

There colours are what makes the world glow,
They show us all the highest order;
Every color to rake and rightfully hoe,
Beyond space, form and every border.

This is my favorite part, it's totally true!

Overall, this is a great poem. Keep writing! :)

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Cailey
Review
Cailey wrote a review Review · Aug 28, 2011

Love it! Very good poem, very good imagery, just overall very good. :) Now, to my review!

Life comes in every shade of green,
In the tones of saphire blue and crimson red;
It bounces healthy Healthily.and way up high,
Adding meaning for passers by. Do you have a rhyme scheme? Because it felt like you tried to rhyme but gave up in a few spots. I do really like this stanza though.

When we look around, it isn't hard to see,
All the colours of our destiny;Good job!
Orange spells dawn and blue is the sea,
And green is the color of the fertility.See, here you rhyme every line.

The rainbow colours are like wild flowers,
Fruits, planets, valleys and desert plain;And the desert plain would fit better here.
There is colour also in inherent powers, Inherent powers and rain? I don't quite get it.
That will be there in the scent of rain.Here you have an abab rhyme...

There colours are what makes the world glow,
They show us all the highest order;I'd say a period would fit better.
Every color to rake and rightfully hoe,
Beyond space, form and every border.Maybe take out every.


In all, great job, very beautifully written, I hope I was helpful. :D

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writingruff
Comment
writingruff commented Comment · Mar 22, 2011

I like the rhyming, and this is a very well done poem by only a 12 year old. I also love the image

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ehte92
Review
ehte92 wrote a review Review · Mar 21, 2011

Hello there. I am Ehte, here for your review today. A great sense of imagery you have there my friend but your poem lacks the main thing which is flow. You poem does not flow and your rhyming scheme is really awkward as mentioned by the previous reviewer and some rhymes are even forced. But this idea of yours is very original and if your work on it more then you make it a great piece.


Life comes in every shade of green,
In the tones of saphire blue and crimson red; in the tones of sapphire blue and crimson red;
it bounces, healthy and way up high,
Adding meaning for passers by. passersby is one word.

When we look around, it isn't hard to see, hard to see? Try rewording.
All the colours of our destiny;
Orange spells dawn and blue is the sea, Good line.
And green is the color of the fertility. How is green the color of fertility?

The rainbow colours are like wild flowers,
Fruits, planets, valleys and desert plain; planets in a same line along with fruits and desert? Change it.
There is colour also in inherent powers, in inherent powers. Does not sound good. Reword.
That will be there in the scent of rain.

There colours are what makes the world glow, There are colors that make the world glow,
They show us all the highest order; What do you mean by all the highest order?
Every color to rake and rightfully hoe, Good line.
Beyond space, form and every border.


Keep writing.

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Skorpionne
Review
Skorpionne wrote a review Review · Mar 21, 2011

It's true that your rhyming scheme is a bit jerky and awkward, but in my opinion, that adds to the character of the poem. The first stanza was a little awkward, but I thin you have really good imagery, and I wouldn't be surprised if I saw it on eatured works.
Very good! Keep writing!



Your hesitation suggests you are trying to protect my feelings. However, since I have none, I would prefer you to be honest. An artist's growth depends upon accurate feedback.
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