I’m run down with something I like to call,
Hopelessness.
A dry word effecting the masses,
Sticking me into sleep for more than I should get.
.
My head aches from thinking,
My stomach turns so weakly.
I’m burning with all the cuts of a
Soldier.
.
You cracked my brain and stuck in your envelope
Of sadness,
And invited me to my own pity party.
Now I’m stuck in a cycle of wishing,
For a chance of living...
.
Why are you so heartless?
And why am I so clueless?
Why can’t we talk fruitless conversations,
And laugh at silly memes?
Why did you have to show me the bully you are,
And make my heart stop beating?
….
No answer?
I guess being cold hearted is better
If you don’t get hurt.
Because being selfish only hurts the selfless
And that’s the way the world works.
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140,080 Literary Works • 672,994 Reviews
This was an amazing poem. The "all the cuts of a soldier" was a great line. The one thing that bugged me was that to separate lines you used One period all the way through, until the last one where you used three. You should continue writing and work hard. I look forward to seeing your poems again.
This was an amazing poem. The "all the cuts of a soldier" was a great line. The one thing that bugged me was that to separate lines you used One period all the way through, until the last one where you used three. You should continue writing and work hard. I look forward to seeing your poems again.
This is a really good poem. I particularly like the last two lines; they seem to branch out from the story that you have going on, and into the world and more general concepts.
The title is also interesting. There is a (really good) book by the same name: Heartless by Marissa Meyer. You may have heard of her; she's the author of the Lunar Chronicles.
Anyway, amazing poem.
Keep writing,
Mira
Hey Daria!
In the beginning of the poem the narrative is telling us how she/he is run down with hopelessness and has the cuts of a soldier. In the third stanza the narrative explains how this bully stuck in an envelope of sadness in the narratives head. But then we learn something in the fourth stanza, (I'm assuming) the bully and the narrative used to be friends. Then in the fifth stanza it all comes together with the bully not answering because he/she is cold hearted and selfish.
There were a few a few things that I noticed that could be fixed.
First Stanza
The last sentence of this stanza was confusing. I don't know what you were going for or what meaning it had.
Second Stanza
This stanza was really nice, it shows that the narrative is hurting and is potentially struggling. I don't think you need to fix anything there.
Third Stanza
Overall this stanza was good. Throughout the entire poem the narrative seems to be really depressed and without a "chance of living." it kind of implies that she/he is without happiness. I just really like how you visualized it!
Anyways, I think your poem was very well portrayed. I noticed a few lines here and there that really drove the story forward. Keep on writing!!
-Stellarjay