It was a normal day in my not so normal life. Evening was close now, the breeze was picking up and it was getting colder. I remember it was October. The roof in which I was watching the stars, had always been my escape. They shun so brightly, the breeze smelled like the ocean and i was beside the person I love the most, Abigail. She is everything for me in this never ending life cycle, the only thing for which I really care for, even though I sometimes couldn't show it to her because of the distance and lack of common sense in this matter. But she knew me better than anyone so she knew what I felt.
December came, it was Christmas Eve. Everyone was either at their homes, at parties or in a dark room showing their "love". If you know what I mean. I was one of those, Abigail and I were in my room. We where lying in bed, the only thing that I wanted was for time to freeze so i could contemplate her light blonde hair, emerald eyes, thin naked white skin and embracing her, feeling her breath in my chest. She suddenly looked up directly into my eyes and said "Dennis, do you love me?"
I smiled at her and said "More than anything in the world".
"Do you really feel that way about me?" she asked while holding me tighter.
"Yes, you're the only reason I wake up everyday" I answered.
I gave her a long kiss and we let our bodies say what we felt.
It was about five in the morning just when she was about to leave, Abigail gave me a present, it was a three photo portrait. Each photo had a special moment of us together.
"Merry Christmas Dennis" she said with a childish smile.
"Merry Christmas to you too Abigail" I said while smiling at her.
Just before leaving my room she said"I love you, don't ever forget it Dennis" with a sad face.
"Don't worry I wont forget it" I said while hugging her and kissing her goodbye.
She was gone and I was lying there in my bed wanting to be with her, I could not go to sleep, it was difficult to do so because I could not get her out of my head. I stayed up watching the photos she gave me thinking of the moments we passed. The first photo is of when we were in a beach near my house, only I knew that spot we were hours together in that spot, you could say it was our special spot. The second photo is when we went to an amusement park, it was themed on snow so there was a room where it simulated a small cottage in a snow storm and believe me it was really cold so we embraced each other to get warm. The third one, well id better not talk about it...
Six days went pass and it was now New Years Eve this time I went to Abigail's house instead. Her parents were out visiting family while she stayed saying that she'll stay with a friend, of course it was a lie because I was gonna stay with her. I got ready to get in the car and went to Abigail's house
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Alright time for my review, I thought it was a generally a good story. At first I was a bit confused seeing how we went from somewhere to Christmas and then finally to New Years Eve. I couldn't figure out where the story began though. Is it taking place at his house for most of the story?
Mistakes
There should be a question mark there. She is asking a question.
There also should be another question mark.
That should be lying.
Overall
Plot
I can see it coming together...sorta. From what I know he is currently on his way to see Abigail. Good name by the way!
Character
I can feel that your character who remains faceless and nameless cares a lot about Abigail. I am really interested to learn more about him.
Overall you did a good job with this story. Everyone makes mistakes though. Keep writing because i can tell you could be a very well romantic story teller!
#0000BF ">R.W
Thanks
a few minor spelling mistakes.......
other than that it was great. Happy writings!!!