I feel sad

I feel sad…
But that’s not enough description. 
I feel empty but that doesn’t give enough depiction.
No it only alludes to my true emotions and I fear would be written over as fiction 

I drown myself in books reading between the lines trying to find any kind of message behind telling me I’ll be alright .

Even then it isn’t enough

So I lay in bed my eyes unfocused ahead and, I think it just might be 3am.
Eyes needled with unshed tears.
Irises hollowed out no dilation.
No capacity  for emotions to thrive, no sign of life as I’ve willed my self to be dead inside one too many times.

But it’s never enough.

 My mind quite unlike, too inexplicably full to the point I’m an indecipherable mess. 
Every night tension builds in the place up there in my head,
It becomes a place I can no longer retreat to .
Painful notions are everywhere in there,
Constricting an imaginary throat my mind doesn’t have with barbed wires and nonetheless the pain is still condoned
My mind is too full and keeps making excuses whilst an outlet cries out to be used.
But no one will understand, no one will pay attention , no one will care about your puny little indiscretion.
So shut your feelings inside confide in me I can take a little more of it,
Just a little more .

But a little more is never enough.

My heart oh what poor naive little thing,
Only wants the best for the mind and the eyes yet is shut inside, 
Not a moment to speak it’s mind as if it had one to share.
My heart only wants to shed all the pain in tears my eyes can not bare,
To take the weight of my mind free it from its wallow and despair. 
But it’s too small and insignificant that’s what’s always said. 
It’s always logic over emotion, head over heart, mind over matter.
There’s never a moment where the heart isn’t ignored in this oh so flimsy body of mine.
Yet it never ceases to stop, like I said what a naive stubborn little thing it is.
After everything an echo of a bellow can still be heard from it no matter how much I try to bury it inside.
To the point my chest physically hurts as it contracts to my heart tormenting  me with its every word.
“BARE ME YOUR SOUL! I CAN UNDERSTAND, I CAN TAKE IT, I CAN HELP JUST LET ME!”

As much as it shouts and wails about, voice cracked and frail and about to give out…it’s always never enough.
Not enough to change my mind. 

Because,
Too heavy is the mantle of so-called life.
Too light is the burden I’m willing to weigh on  another chest again.