Intoxicated I love you

by Danceingtreeelf

Published May 9, 2015

16+ Mature Content

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

Summery: Rin and Makoto present along with every other kid but Haru is left out until after he completes high school, but when he locks himself in his house refusing to even see Makoto, Makoto knows somethings wrong. Haru then runs from everything by going to America and living on the Mississippi coast, only to realize its not where he belongs and returns home to a pack he hopes will take him back even after he broke their hearts.

Rin sat beside the pool watching as Haru swam laps it aggravated Rin to no end the he couldn't swim with him though. Alphas weren't able to interact with any of the member of another pack unless they were duel claimed and sadly Haruka was an unclaimed, and unclaimed wolves were a no go for all pack members. It was really strange for a clan to have an unclaimed but Haru had yet to show what he was, would he be an alpha, an omega or a beta? No one knew what Haru, the only guy to not show before the end of middle school, would be and sadly Rin would never know. Seijuurou ,the alpha of the pack his parents and sister belonged to, was sending him away for his own good as well as a safety to the pack. Not may alphas can take to having another within there territory and sadly Rin was in the middle of it, being a child to one of the elder families of the Iwatobi pack.

"Haru? Are you home?" Makoto yelled into the dark entry hall of Haru's home. It had been weeks since the end of school and Haru had yet to come out of the house. Makoto had come by every morning to check on him and leave food that his mother had prepared, yet no matter what when he came by in the evenings the food would be eaten and the dishes would be clean and a note that said he was fine and to stop worrying would be on top waiting for him at the door. He would then go home only to repeat the process again the next day. "Haruka! This has got to stop you have been locked in your room for almost two months this isn't healthy!" Makoto layed his head against Haru's door his voice wavering slightly. "I'm worried about you, so is Ren and Ran as well as Seijuurou. He wants you out and at the meeting hall in the morning by seven. He says it's about time for you to be claimed and if your not there he will come and drag you out of this house and hand you to the first Alpha he sees." Makotos grip on the door handle tightened slightly at the thought of Haru going to an abusive or over dominating alpha. Makoto could hear shuffling on the other side of the room so he took a step back from the door hopeing that he would open the door, instead a not sliped under the door. Bending down he grabbed the note and read it.

"HARUKA! THIS ISN'T A LAUGHING MATTER! STOP ACTING LIKE A CHILD! SOUJIUUROU ISN'T HAPPY WITH YOU AND YOUR ACTING LIKE A PUP BY HIDING IN YOUR ROOM!" Makoto had to close his eyes and take a few deep breaths to calm himself before he could continue. " Haru this because Rin left isn't it ? Haru, don't you understand, Rin was to much for Seijuurou to handle? Plus he told the pack that if there was anyone who wanted him to be their alpha that they should go with him and that he wouldn't judge them. I'm a loyal friend to Rin as well, but I stayed here because of you, you stupid bull-headed boy. I couldn't think of leaving you and going with Rin because I knew you would have never left this house and you would have starved because of your stupidity and pigheadedness. You mean so much to me Haruka." Mokto's voice became strained with the last few words.

On the other side of the door Haru stood looking at an old photo of the three of them, the past two months had been hard on him. He had finally come out as an Omega and the Alpha he was bonded with was thousands of miles away and would never know that he existed. Haru hated to think about it but Makoto was right, he needed to get out of the house and tomorrow he would. He would meet Seijuurou at the meeting hall and tell him that his wolf had come out at the beginning of summer break."Yea fat chance, I've talked myself into doing that a million time and in the end I stay in this room and hide. To afraid to show my face to Seijuurou and Mokoto." He mumbled to himself. He looked to the photo of them again his gaze lingering on Rin's smiling face and the way his arms were slung around Makoto's hips so casually. Why couldn't that be him? Why did Rin have to want Makoto so much and why was Makoto so oblivious to Rin? "Makoto? Why do you...why did you turn down Seijuurou's offer when you know Rin cares about you so much? I saw how heart broken he was the day he left and you turned away when Seijuurou told the pack that if they wished to go with him they could but I wasn't a wolf yet so I couldn't go." Haru flung his door open staring Makoto in the eye. "You chose to stay because you were afraid to leave your family. You didn't stay for me, I know you say you did but I know better." Haru's heart was racing by the time he was finished and he was face to face with Makoto's surprised face.

Makoto was surprised at how many words Haru had just used in a single breath as well as the sight of him. Haru was no longer a lanky skinny kid but a full grown wolf. His body was corded with lean muscle and he was beautiful...”You’re...you’re an Omega." Makoto could hardly breathe without taking in his hearty scent that seemed to have the same effect Rin's had had all those years ago. "I have to go. I'm sorry I kept bothering you." Makoto forced himself to turn away from his childhood friend and all but run from the house. The next thing he knows is that he is standing in his room trying not to hyperventilate. What was wrong with him? He was a Beta, a full grown wolf for god’s sake, he shouldn't be acting like a new pup going into heat for the first time, but Haru had smelled so good and he had looked just a great.

"No! No! No, Makoto you shouldn't be thinking like this he's your friend you stupid boy." Nitori said to him over the phone. "But um why are you telling me this why didn't you call Seijuurou? He is your alpha anyways and he has the right to know that you know that Haruka's wolf has appeared. Plus, if he's affecting you like this with just one meeting he can't go out in public. It would be dangerous for not only him, but for every other unclaimed wolf who is going through the heat. In other words, REALLY REALLY BAD!!" Makoto had to lay his head on his desk as he listened to Nitori go through what seemed like a never ending list of problems that could happen if Haru were to leave his house and go into town in his current state. "Nitori your right I need to call Seijuurou! Because if Haru goes into town tomorrow a lot of wolves are going to get restless and I can't let that happen." slamming his phone down he ran from his room, blowing past Ran and Ren as well as an extremely attractive red head.

"Big brother where are you going? Ran and Ren asked in unison "You have a guest!" they yell after him, but he doesn’t hear them he was already too far away and his mind to set on getting to Seijuurou.

Rin watched as Makoto ran, he was still just as beautiful as he had been when he'd left ten years ago. Only now he was all grown up and gods he smelled good. Seijuurou was expecting Rin at the meeting hall in the morning but he needed to see him now, he knows who he wanted to claim as his and he was standing in the entry hall of his family's home.

Makoto thought he would never get to the wolf’s house. Every time he left the house, every unmated wolf and older one would stop him and ask him where Haru was or if he could help them with something. “Seijuurou! Open the door! I have important news on Haruka!” he yelled at the door. He could hear movement and when the door opened Nitori was standing at the door. “Well come on I managed to get him to stay before going and dragging Haruka sempai out of his house” he walked him to the room where Seijuurou was waiting. “But you better be quick to tell him what you know, he is not in a very good mood, Kou isn’t happy with him at the moment either, so be quick you are working with thin ice.” And thin ice it was, Seijuurou was not happy to see him barging in after hearing that Rin was back in his territory.

“Tachibana, you have two minutes to talk before I am marching you and Nitori to Haruka’s and dragging him out of that forsaken house.” His words were sharp and clipped much like when he had been the captain of the high school swim team. But that wasn’t the matter at hand Haru-chan was and he had less than a minute to tell him everything. So tell him everything he did with five seconds to spare. Makoto waited silently for Seijuurou’s response to hearing that Haru had presented as an Omega. Sadly Makoto really didn’t want to know what his answer would be. He looked over to Nitori and cringed; Nitori had his hands over his eyes and was peeking through his fingers at him. "Nitori why are you looking at me like that?" Nitori shook his head and pointed behind him. Makoto turned slowly and what he saw was not what he expected.

Rin stood in the doorway looking like he did the day he left, only a lot taller and he was defiantly older. He still wore his hair in the long fashion, or just long enough to have it pulled into a ponytail at the nap of his neck. His eyes gleamed like fire stones yet had a misty undertone of emotion that he was feeling and his scent. His scent still made all of Makoto's go on high alert and stand tall. What was wrong with him? He was standing there probably looking like a freshly presented wolf going through his first damn heat. "Rin....your back! When do you? Why did you? Rin, Seijuurou sent you away because of you being an alpha and....and..." his voice fades off as Seijuurou spoke up from his place on the couch.

"Yes I sent him away, but I also brought him back. Rin has obtained the land to the north of my territory and has decided that he would like a pack of his own and I know that there are wolves who are loyal, but didn't want to leave there families behind. You for example Makoto, you didn't leave because of your family and Haruka. You couldn't leave Haruka because he had yet to present, but now that he has nothing is keeping you other than your brother and sister," His eyes roam over Both Rin and Makoto. "And even they are close to presenting. On another note Haru will be leavening tomorrow anyways he has already contacted me about going to the states to join a group of lone wolves who do not wish to have an alpha." Rin looked ready to argue but Seijuurou held up his hand. “I know it's not the wolf way, but I will not do against a members wishes, and I already have the conformation from the group that his ticket is in the mail and will be here in the morning. I'm sorry boys I tried to talk him out of it but he would hear none of it." Rin looked like the world had just been ripped out from under him. Haru couldn't leave he had not traveled back to this forsaken place just to lose one of the people he cared about the most. Let alone the Omega he was in love with. "I won't have this Haru can't leave. I wish to claim him!" Seijuurou's eyes would have popped out of his head if they could have. Stumbling over his words he barely was able to get anything out before Rin was out the door."RIN! YOU CAN'T DO THAT I WON'T LET YOU! HE IS STILL PART OF MY PACK UNTILL HE IS IN THE STATES! FUCK! RIN!!!!" Rin stopped and slowly turned to him, "I don't care. I just do not care Seijuurou. I left both him and Makoto ten years ago and I will not lose either of them again. Not even if he plans to leave." Rin stormed out the house and started down the street towards the other side of town where a dark haired, blue eyed wolf was probably soaking in a tub of almost cold water and starting to shiver but was to stubborn to get out of it.

Comments & reviews · 3
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Chaser
Review
Chaser wrote a review Review · May 31, 2015

Desperate times, desperate measures.
*takes deep breath*

Hello, happy Review Day. Allow me to critique your work.

First off, I'd like to address run-on sentences. They're tricky little suckers, sure. But they're downright essential to master if you ever want to achieve literary greatness. Remember to use commas and periods to separate/fix those.

It's unclear how this change occurs in the wolves. How does it happen? It'd do you well to elaborate on the culture of your fanfiction, cultivating its differences to branch out from its source material.

Space out your paragraphs. Each new line of dialogue gets its own, as does each shift in action or change in topic.

Next, I'd like to address your dialogue. A bit of advice: Humans often speak in short sentences when they're frustrated, unsure, or unprepared. This varies a bit between personality types, but lines like in Haru's rant could've been reformatted. Kind of like this:
"I saw how heartbroken he was the day you left. And you turned away when Seijuurou told the pack that, if they wished to go with him, they could. But I wasn't a wolf yet. I couldn't go." Shorter sentences in dialogue tend to speak more, instilling a bit of tension for the final blow.
Dialogue also needs to be consistent. Be extra-sure to keep a single style of dialogue for each character all the way through. It's the difference between "wish" and "want."

As far as descriptions go, you're pretty decent. Although the details are pretty clear, nothing really shocks itself into the reader's mind. There's room for improvement in that department.

I don't know much about the source material, so I'm not really one to judge the accuracy of characters. But they seem consistent and well-characterized, at least. So yeah, good work, but there's still a long way to go. Cheers.


-Chaser

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BlackAshes
Review
BlackAshes wrote a review Review · May 14, 2015

Hello! Ash here for a review~

Alrighty, nice story you got here. I didn't spot any spelling errors, unless of course I Auto-corrected in my mind and read over it. 0-0

A few tips - Separate this in more paragraphs, if I learned one thing when I started writing, its that long paragraphs scare readers away. I know some times I'll look at a story with huge paragraphs and just find something else, since it seems like ALOT to read. This isn't as bad, but some of the paragraphs are long~

I also found you had a few run-on sentences. Ex:

"Rin sat beside the pool watching as Haru swam laps it aggravated Rin to no end the he couldn't swim with him though."

I think there should have been a comma after laps, or you could have ended the sentence there. Another Ex:

"Rin has obtained the land to the north of my territory and has decided that he would like a pack of his own and I know that there are wolves who are loyal, but didn't want to leave there families behind."

I think you should have put a period after own, and taken out that "and".

Enjoyed the story, just a few run-on and other minor errors~ Can't wait to read more of your work!

~BlackAshes~

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4everyoung Comment
4everyoung commented Comment · May 14, 2015

I think this is great, but you more need paragraphs. I have to be truthful, I didn't think anyone on this site would post a fanfiction. Not that it's a bad thing, just really excited that someone did ;) Good job on it though, it's great



i think. i want to become. something.
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