Give Me Back My Soul

Yeah, no one really seems to understand this poem, so I'm starting to think I'm crazy. But I don't really like it much, so I don't mind. My friend said all she got from it was that it was about, "an emo vampire," because of the aversion to light and the negative feelings. Anyways... I'll try better next time. But I think the picture that goes along with it turned out pretty okay, though I think I can do better.
-Dai

Transcend the realms of time
and flow deep into my soul
where a heavy mist awaits.

When undertones drown security
in a sea of “discussions”.
When sorrows lurk in the sun - unavoidable and
pursuing all my precious darkness.

Pain comes.

It rushes down in a burning wave until, weary,
my pure black calls out
suffocating white and
intertwines with it to shield all emotions. this is the most vivid part of the poem so far

This curtain of dew,
this protective haze,
started out as a barrier.
The fog came to overshadow me, to dim the voices.
My mind heard the screams
and sent thoughts to muffle them.
In my world of grey, I could find peace, I could
get away from the world.

The tight space freed me,
the shadows gave only gentle light.
But then the sun
outside my cloud
gave way to cooling rain.
The heat receded,
the atmosphere no longer scalding.
But the drops hardly made it through the maze,
of neither past, present, nor future.

The illusions which had muted the hurt,
now blocked the pleasure.

I remain in my misty realm.

When the heartache rages,
I will still be here.
When the love surrounds,
I will still be here. I feel like these parts are very good, and very important, but I just can’t grasp their meaning, so the emotion was lost to me.

I will not dance in the rain,
nor suffer in the sun.

My murky world, serene, but
unmoving,
shall forever be my home. I really like how home kind of rhymed with sun. I don’t know if you meant it that way or not. It was unexpected, since you didn’t rhyme the rest of this, but I liked it.
Great endings are very hard to come by in poems, and you did an excellent job. Even if I didn’t really like the rest of it, it leaves a great impression.

I thought the beginning was confusing, personally. I’ve never been good at interoperating poems, and I couldn’t grasp the concept of this one. Until the part when you started describing pain, I didn’t feel anything. And since I didn’t know what it was about from the start, parts further down the poem didn’t seem to make sense, either. Besides that, I couldn’t spot any major errors, so overall I’d say this is good.

I like the way this seems to linger. Hauntingly beautiful.
The best kind. I love it.

Keep Writing!
-Greena