Published April 8, 2009
Okay so... i have been very much in a Naruto mood latley and I was bored and had an idea so here is the beginning. I have tried to write a Naruto Fanfic before and have never found it easy but this went much better in my opinion!
Prelude
Dozens of candles lined the walls of the circular room. Ornate bowls of burning incense and containers filled with smoking meat were set out all over the floor. The smoke rose into the air, billowing and dancing in large white clouds before flittering out through the large windows and openings. The room was dome shaped, there were few walls, instead pillars supported the roof allowing a spacious view of the surrounding area.
The domed building was set on a high hill, surrounded by stone walls and large towers that allowed those inside to see anyone who was approaching from miles away. The building itself was a piece of artwork. Golden thread had been woven into the numerous tapestries that ordained the walls and thin gold leaf had been pounded into the dome itself. Intricate symbols and designs had been carved into almost every surface, and even the floor itself had been set with marble and jewels which glowed when they caught the light.
Three white robed figures stood inside the dome building, the end of their cloaks were lined in red silk that flowed down below their feet. Each one held a small bowl of burning incense. The fragrant vapors rose up to their faces and as one the robed figures inhaled the smoke before tossing their bowls to the side. Moving forward they each took up a position, lining up with a triangle that had been carved on the floor. Once they each stood at a corner they immediately raised their hands and began to make numerous symbols. As they finished one of them pulled out a lock of yellow hair and threw it in the middle as they all raised two fingers in front of their face and whispered, "Reborn Jutsu!"
A yellow glow of light suddenly shot up from the floor, encompassing the lock of hair and bathing it in a bright light as a powerful wind swept into the room. All the candles were blown out as the hoods of the three figures were also swept off their heads by the violent gale, revealing three people, a man and two women. The oldest was the male. He had shock white hair and a wrinkled face, his age was hard to determine but he was probably in his late fifties. The other two were both women, and looked identical in every way. Their raven black hair cascaded down from their pale faces which showed them to be no more then twenty or so. The one consistency between all three of them was that their eyes were black, pure obsidian without even a shred of color.
All of them were focused on the lock of hair that hung before them, suspended in the light that swirled and danced around. The old man suddenly gasped, his face growing even more pale as he stumbled back, breaking the triangle and causing the light to fade as the lock of hair fell limply to the ground. "Why did you break the circle Kimoto," one of the girls snarled as she whirled on the old man.
Her twin was slower to react, she slowly raised her hood back up while whispering, "You saw something, didn't you Kimoto?"
"Indeed..." the old man whispered as he brought his hood back over his head. His gnarled hands almost seemed to be shaking as he turned and grabbed a large staff that lay against the wall. "We must contact the Mizukage, he will want to know about these turn of events."
"I don't think that will be needed," the first girl to speak whispered. She blinked as her obsidian eyes began to shimmer before reverting to normal. "I have foreseen something to, the Mizukage... is on his way."
"Here!" the other girl whispered, as her eyes also changed to a normal pair. "Why would he becoming here without us calling him."
"He is not foolish," Kimoto said as he turned and began to make his way out of the room, "We should prepare for our lord, the ninja world is about to change."
The re-lit candles flickered in the soft breeze that blew into the room. The three robed figures each stood in the middle, their hoods covering their faces as they watched the only door that led into their domed room. They didn't stay waiting for long, minutes later the two large double doors were pushed open and four ninja in black robes with ANBU masks quickly floated into the room. Each of them wore and armband that showed they were from the Village Hidden in the Mist and they quickly took up positions in the room.
Seconds later a single form came gliding into the room. The figure wore stark white robes outlined in orange with a round hat that hit most of his face. "Welcome Mizukage," Kimoto said as he stepped forward and bowed, "We are honored by your arrival and were about to call you ourselves."
"Indeed," the Mizukage replied, his gravelly voice filling the room as he stepped forward, "And what news do you have for me, Oracles."
"The time of the prophecies fulfillment is upon us," Kimoto said, his voice strong as he slowly pulled back his hood. "We have gazed and seen, that the child will be born tonight."
"So... you were right," the Mizukage growled, "And is it as we suspected?"
"Yes my Lord," Kimoto murmured, "The child will be born to the one who was prophesied to bring peace to this world."
The Mizukage didn't respond, he just stood where he was, carefully pondering the news as he slowly turned to one of the ANBU. "Alert the troops, we move out to Konoha as soon as possible, the Hokage is about to have a son...
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,476 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well first of all, sorry but I haven't even heard of what this fandom is so if I say something stupid without knowing, that's totally on me and I am sorry. Okay then to this story, well it was pretty good, as a prelude it does a wonderful job of building up some nice mystery. The level of detail was also nice to see although it may be a tad too much especially since this is only a prelude.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, that's a beautiful image to start things off with. Definitely captures a rather beautiful environment and establishes a setting wonderfully and that's always nice to see right at the start of a story.
And we have more beautiful description here. You're doing a wonderful job of conjuring up quite a vivid image of everything that is going on here.
Okay the introduction to our actual characters here is pretty smooth there. Another bit of really good description mixed in with some pretty interesting actions here make for a pretty good opener.
Well even more interesting things happen, like I said earlier I don't know anything about this world that this is based on so maybe this is meant to be more mundane but I think this is a really cool sequence that you've got here.
Well...umm...that's interesting, looks like we have our bit of conflict here.
I believe you've missed a question right about there.
Okay that was slightly confusing because I've no idea what's meant to happen. Did they literally float in as in like fly in to the room or did they enter so quietly they might as well have been floating. The fact that you're discussing ninja makes me think the latter is also possible.
Okay that's a neat entrance for this character. Immediately we get to know that he's someone important.
Umm...well now that's a lovely way to end off a prelude. Builds up a nice amount of mystery and I would certainly want to find out what happens next.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall this seems like a pretty cool universe that you are basing things on here and I certainly would love to read more parts of it. In fact if I do find more parts of this story later on I would certainly read it. And that's about all I've got to say, besides the detail thing I mentioned at the start this is almost perfect.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Here I go, your review from me.
Anyways, if you don't like it: ignore it. 
I've never watched Naruto so I don' t have anything to compare it to, just as a heads up. 
A prelude is the introduction to a song. You might have meant Prologue.
I would put a period between walls and instead, to start a new sentence.
You use itself three times in the quote above. When I'm writing I often do this myself. Simply try to find another word to insert in the place of two of them.
I would put a coma after finished.
Shock is kind of an odd word to put here, I think it would sound better replacing this word. I would also put a period after face.
You could use paler her.
Becoming in this instance is two separate words and this should have a question mark as well at the first "Here" in the sentence.
And should be an.
Coma after later.
Did you mean hid?
You should end your quotation marks.
*******************************************
Ok, so I thought you did a really great job! The story kept me interested though there was slightly too much detail bogging me down. Don't get me wrong, I'm a detail freak and if you read any of my pieces and their reviews 90% of them have complaints about too much detail (that I worked so hard on too) stuffing it up and drowning everyone. Knowing this is a fan fiction it was kind of evident that you wrote your detail from a visual. Keep up the good work and hopefully you'll be inspire to branch off and create a story that's unique to you.
~Dakota