Just another love poem

Hey there, friend! Kekai (T) here, to give you a little review on your first YWS work. I'm psyched to be reading your poems on here as well as at school.
First of all, great subject matter! You're good at taking a deeper look at things that are usually considered cliche or shallow. Now onto some comments:

"We pass life not sure what comes next" Like someone else mentioned, I think that there should be a "through" between "pass" and "life"? It will make things a lot clearer.
"Just go on a ritual we call "every day"" Once again, maybe "going" would be better suited here. I'm not much of a grammar reviewer, so I won't go much further in depth. I like the lack of punctuation. You might have to check for typos in lines seven, eleven (whose vs who's).
In terms of phrasing, I would also say that saying "help" instead of "make" in line six.

I think that the arc of the poem is quite good, but I feel like you need a bit more of a falling action before the resolution/ending. This would be remedied by maybe describing the person's personality or how they make you feel shortly, or something like that? I think that would improve this even more.

Anyway, so glad you posted! Keep up the great work!

hello!
well i really like this its really good, i cant help but feel a little bit pain as i read towards the end.

Hi there.
First of all I must say this is good. I personally really like it. I think everyone interprets a poem differently. My interpretation was that you were trying to say that despite everything boring and monotonous in the world, a small thing like love could give a direction to life, provide a meaning or a purpose to it. Am I right? Maybe not. But I just thought I'd share my idea.

Putting all of this aside, I only have one tiny thing to point out.
"The show you the truth"
Did you intend for the first word to be 'The' or was it a typo, because I somehow feel it should be 'They'.

That's all I have to say. This is a good work. Overall I'd have to say 7.5/10

Keep Writing,
Harshita

Dear DMan117tacos,

I like this poem; it is feels a little too normal at first, but the nature of it develops after a bit. A second read reveals this. There are some opportunities to make it cleaner. Overall, I found this piece to be a pleasure. Thank you so much for this experience, and I hope that you continue writing.

The voice of the poem really interests me. If you can clarify a strong voice, it will benefit the poem. Fully try to analyze that connection to the voice. Writing is just the expression of that voice. Also, I want to see your pronouns established more. For an example, who really is us and them? Distinct roles will sift away any confusion. Grammatically, this piece needs to be looked at. I think other members have looked at this though. Another opportunity, the last line leaves me a little odd. It felt rushed; it felt like you were too eager to drop the line, especially the word 'abuse.'

Some words or missing punctuation grate the flow, like 'dumb youth,' but poetry has a paradoxical learning curve. Be patient and work happily. Your connection to 'that voice' may be a little green, but I appreciate the raw material. Again, thank you for sharing. Cheers!

Sincerely,

Z

Hello, hello, hello!
So as I said, I was going to read your piece, and I shall review it as well. I'm kinda a little OCD about grammar so I'm just warning you now! Haha. I'm just getting this out there:

Spoiler

As a poet myself, I know not all suggestions are good or great in the author's opinion. All the suggestions I make are my opinion on what would help your piece and make it sound better. If you like your work the way it is, feel free to keep it that way; it is your piece, do with it what you'd like!

We pass I think it would sound better if you add the word "through". life not sure what comes next comma

Just go Should be "going" not "go". on a ritual we You don't need the "we" and if you do get rid of that then change "call" into "called". call "every day" period

Sun rising in the East, and setting in the West Comma

That is our way period

But I think it would sound better if you changed the "But" into "Yet" there are those people

Who make you breathe, hear, and see Period

The I do believe you mean for this to be "They" instead of "The" show you the truth Comma

They give you the strength to face I think adding "the" right here and changing "great" into "greatest" will make it sound better. great evil Also if you change "evil" into "evils", But you need a comma here even if you don't change it.

Just for the thought of you and me Period

You could say that it is only dumb youth Comma

But whose I think it should be "who's" not "whose" there to choose Comma

Which path we go on Comma

In this life of abuse Period

Beautiful. Just beautiful. You wrote down what I tend to think about everyday, and you couldn't have done a better job. Please post more!