Hello, my name is Alexis. Over the past couple of years I have become quite passionate about writing and have made an effort in developing my own style. I have written a few essays for school & enjoy writing short stories in my spare time. I surely hope to improve my own writing, as well as learn from others. Thank you for your time.
WHEN THE BLOOD SMEARS
Franklin High is nothing short of a nightmare. On occasion, I tune out all the influential strangers, but today is different. Twenty minutes into Biology and Ms.Bernstin already holds my Ipod securely in her right hand, gripping it tightly. I stare innocently, waiting for the worst.
"Marcy." she pauses curling her lips.
"Marcy, you understand the rules don't you? This is not your first time in my class, nor do I imagine any other authority in this entire building would allow for such a disturbance."
In fantasy land, I can see her clawing my face apart, ripping it to shreds and throwing me out back for the birds, but this is reality. That would be illegal and better yet against the rules here at Franklin High. She's right. This isn't my first time in her class and if I pull a stunt like last semester, it might not be the last either. She's mean, stubborn and most certainly has no taste in music.
"Marcy?"
I wait a moment, enjoying her frustration.
"Yes, Ms.Bernstin?" I smile.
If at all possible, this should send the fumes flying! I watch her hand shaking, squeezing the Ipod tighter.
"They call you Ms. because you're not married right? I mean if so, then I'm not surprised... I'm just wondering."
I cannot bare to look up anymore. I drop my head, smiling to myself, waiting.
Crack!
An exaggerated gasp starts a riot behind me. Every pair of eyes has shifted, no longer on me but that awful cracking noise, Ms.Bernstin's trembling hand, my Ipod.
Forcing myself to remain stable I peer up to see her.
"My Ipod!" I scream!
Tears flutter under her eyes as she points to the door, no command required. The minute it closes behind me, I nearly topple over. Laughter fills the hall, echoing, haunting. I've got her! All along, it's always been 'Marcy don't do that. Marcy do this.' but not anymore! I've pushed her limit and she's pushed her own! Of course, now I won't have my music to drown out the losers on the bus, but at least I've got Biology to look forward to. I smile proudly to myself, wondering how I managed such a success.
***
Although much of my appearance is considered genetics, mum doesn’t share the same sense of humor. It was hell, from the moment I walked in this afternoon, until about this point in which I fight to keep my eyes open.
The walls of my four sided bedroom stare back vibrantly. It is nearly nine o’clock and as always, the white walls never seem to fade. Boring, I’ll admit it, but really, who cares? There are only two reasons I spend anytime within such a captivation, one being punishment and the other pain.
“Marcy, would you come here please?”
It was mum’s voice, but pleasant. Not one word emphasized, including my name. Has she calmed down? Why, not a chance…. we must have company.
Without hesitation I march proudly downstairs, through the kitchen, and into the living room where I find mum, a flustered child and of course Mr. Freddick, my neighbor. There’s a missing floor board near the bottom of the stairs. They had heard me coming.
“Marcy, you know Mr. Freddick…” I opened my mouth to cut in but she put her hand up to stop me.
“No, Marcy. Let me finish. You know Mr. Freddick’s cat?”
A rush of fear hits me and I gulp hard, not sure of how to answer that. Forcing a smile I reply.
“Well of course I know Skittles. He’s such a darling.”
Mum can see the sarcasm and is not impressed.
“Well that’s great, but did you know he was missing”
Another rush…
Innocently I mutter weakly.
“no…”
She turns back to Mr. Freddick and explains that we’re sorry for the inconvenience, and that we’ll keep him posted if we see anything. Without another word, he touches the child’s shoulder gently and both retreat back through the door. Mum doesn’t say a word either. She pivots stressfully on her toes and proceeds back to what she had been doing.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
It says you're 15? I'm not sure if you're in highschool yet, but around here, you could have the same teacher for several subjects. The teacher is just emphasizing that Marcy should know the rules by now.
First off, I would like to thank you for your time and effort on this review. It is greatly appreciated.
One of your questions, "Why is she laughing about the Ipod being smashed?". Marcy is ahead of the teacher. The set up line, "The call you ms. because your not married right?........ " was a cheap shot to assure that Ms.Bernstin's anger would thrive just far enough to not only get Marcy in trouble, but herself as well.
I was trying to develop a character who is not only relatable to the sterotypical teen, but humourous as well. The impression of sneaky & quick witted is what I was looking for.
Thanks again!
-Alexis
Hello and welcome to YWS,
On to your review:
I see that you are new, and I would highly encourage you to review some other works.
I think this would make a better opening statement if you took off the especially for someone like me.
There needs to be a comma after strangers because you are combining two complete sentences. When combining two complete sentences you can do one of two things 1) use a comma followed by a conjunction (and, but, for, nor, yet, so, or) or 2) you can just use a semi-colon (;)
I think Ipod is one word.
You forgot the period after Marcy.
Rules of dialogue:
If you say a statement followed by he said she said it should look like this: "i love you," Beth whispered.
But if you have something other than that it should look like this: "I love ice cream." Jackson licked his lips. If this is confusing feel free to PM me and I would be glad to clarify it for you
Is this a reason the teacher calls her space girl? Isn't that a little immature for a teacher?
Ipod is one word.
Aw, that's so mean.
Ipod is one word.
She's laughing even though her Ipod was just smashed? I would be furious.
There needs to be a comma after limit because you are combining two complete sentences.
Something aboutv the ending is making me think she isn't so innocent.
Overall: I really enjoyed this piece. there were some grammatical errors, but other than that I think you expressed the main character well, and hinted at the plot just enough to make me want to read more. PM me when the next chapter comes, and PM if you ever need a review.
Have a great day,
Tiffany
this was confusing, but good. What does the teacher mean when she says this is not the mc first time in her class?
Other than that i like it! continue! =)