With every word I pen down, I see how your innate melody distorts them to fall in line with the tune, you were born with. In all its splendour and glory, I see your music seeping into the hearts of the grieved and happy. The music whose essence I create. As I write and scratch off words, I see you in the distance, giddy with the impatience of not being called sooner. I see you held prisoner at the threshold of the paper that shelters your would-be lyrics while I struggle to find that perfect word that sends pangs of warmth and sorrow flying to every listener, kind enough to lend you their ears.
My heart grieves with every syllable I give birth to on this magical night, knowing they won’t be mine, after you enslave them to your tantalizing beauty of rhythm. I can feel myself running out of ink while my metal nib continues to write and scratch words over and over. Oh, how I wish I could make them sing for me like you will.
Through parchment after parchment, you sit and watch as I grow wearier and wearier exhausting myself to hunt for that perfect word we both know doesn’t exist yet. Word after word, syllable after syllable, period after period; oh how we toil through the moonlit night! I’m at the last verse now and I hear your heart flutter with the joy of completion as I admire my handiwork.
I find myself letting out a long, sad sigh of relief as I put that period at the end of the last word of the final verse. I survey my piece of work and watch as you soar into the words, breathing life into every nook and corner of every word. I take my place on the chipped wooden box reserved for me and listen as you’re sung, every word falling into a place of its own. I listen as the music drifts and drips down my soul, seeping into my heart and enslaving my mind forevermore.
My soul twirls to the rhythm of the song, you make the skies sing tonight. Oh, dear song, how I wish I could write you all over again.
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Originally published on Random Specific Thoughts(my blog).
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140,098 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
I have to say this isn't the first time I've seen a story from the perspective of a pen, but this is certainly a very interesting take on such a situation. Going along with that title there, this particular pen seems to be in a rather sad state here and is proclaiming it all in a language that's just ever so slightly bordering on humorous while also conveying a very interesting message. Nonetheless, it makes for a very intriguing start here, and I'm excited to see where you take this.
There is a very interesting atmosphere you generate through this particular piece here that is highlighted nicely in this little paragraph. As a writer, you can relate to these feelings that are being broadcast here and to see it happen as a pen would see it, with the added sort of gravity that comes with how this is the pending expending its energy and slowly fading away as it runs out of ink, it creates quite some emotion within you as a reader.
Hmm, the way this pen ends thing off there suddenly makes it clear what this pen is talking to, which appears to be the piece of writing, and well, that adds another interesting touch there. The pen also knowing its a writing instrument with its own place is an interesting choice there. It all comes together to make a pretty intriguing piece here I think. You've certainly left us readers with something to think about and it is an enjoyable piece here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you so much for that amazing review! I'm glad you found it relatable!
I did mean to write it from the writer's perspective wishing they could write their favourite work again but in the end, it somehow turned out to be between the pen and the written piece, haha!
Happy new year!
You're Welcome!!
Happy New Year to you too!! :)
Hi D,
Mailice here with a short review!
This looks like a very promising story and you've also created a very interesting balance that, between a kind of philosophical digression, also leaves a very elegant effect. I am impressed.
What strikes me right away in your writing style is that it seems elevated and ornate. You try to invent the sentences in a new form, which makes it worth taking a second look at the story. I was very surprised by the development of the story and the meaning, but also by the writing. It seems like an aria that moves between loud and quiet moments, where you can't always tell what the narrator is trying to tell here.
Especially at the beginning, I liked that this stands out and that you can clearly see what kind of stylistic device you are using and that you are moving the sentences back and forth, like a wave.
This passage in particular stands out because it sounds like an opera to me. You have created such a fulfilling sound here that I am surprised that it is not a kind of poem in itself. I like how we have an unknown adversary here who turns out to be the writing and this creates a relationship that the reader can relate to all too well.
Here, in particular, it becomes clear once again that this relationship is both a good and a bad one. It is a mix of everything and it is somehow also written very manically here, almost as if a love is shown here that develops between the writer and the text. I like that very much.
In general, you are quite open here in the text. On the one hand, it's a refreshing message, and yet I can't help but feel that there's more between the lines.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Aw thank you so much! I'm so humbled you found it interesting!
I meant this to be between the writer and their work but it ended up between the pen and the written piece. I love how you've picked up on the little emotions that make up what goes on in a writer's head.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review!
Hey there D, R33SE here for a review!!
Spoiler
And secondly, creative writing is no different than a painting, and is hard to judge based on any strict criteria. I simply attempt to understand your purpose for the piece, and review based on how effective you were at creating the experience for your reader that you wanted to.
Please feel free to leave feedback!! I love to have conversations about literary works and learn new things.
PROSE/RHETORIC:
Spoiler
GRAMMAR/STRUCTURE:
Spoiler
Secondly, my reason for three stars only in this portion of the review is mostly based on your lack of grammatical structure to both aid your purpose, or to add breadth to this piece. "The classics" such as Dickens and Bronte and London and Steinback...they all used an unfortunate styling of blocked text that existed in large paragraphs NOT because this was the best, most impressive and most lovable way of writing, but simply because this is the most efficient way to send it to the printer. Setting millions of tiny ink stamps would be unbearable if you had to separate them into many, many more paragraphs than was absolutely necessary.
Therefore, modern writers such as Markus Zusak attempt to break this mold by using the very lines of text themselves to further invoke emotion, building shorter paragraphs, shorter chapters, and even shorter sentences than was used previously, to create a more imaginative experience for the audience. I definitely feel that your piece would benefit from shorter paragraphs AND isolation of specific lines in their own paragraph to increase the level of dramatic impact they have.
DEVELOPMENT:
Spoiler
Either way, I will comment that the transition from the apparent joy the pen feels at being able to put such glorious words to paper, into the sad and melancholic realization that, once again, they will be stolen away from it and instead the grandeur of the scene will be rewarded to the parchment, is a very compelling scene.
INFLUENCE/IMPRESSION
Spoiler
In conclusion; what a wonderful piece! The way you make a martyr of pen as it sacrifices its own purpose just to put ink to paper that it will never read again...brilliant!!
Wow, this is an incredibly well-structured review! I had no idea about 'teasing' - I think it's a lovely concept! Thanks so much for introducing me to it!
I'm sorry about the excessive repetition. I'll be sure to take care of that in the future. Ahh I know what you mean!
I only realised that later on (as in months, after this was written) and I absolutely agree, smaller chunks of text are so much better most of the time!
Glad you found the transition compelling!
Thank you so much, again! I appreciate you taking the time to read and review!
Happy new year!
Beautiful structure and rhythm. It accurately portrays the struggles of the writing process as well as the joys of the finished product. Your wording is impeccable, I almost feel like I am in the room seeing this unfold! It's a true work of art. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Aw thank you so much! I'm so pleased you enjoyed reading it!
Beautiful structure and rhythm. It accurately portrays the struggles of the writing process as well as the joys of the finished product. Your wording is impeccable, I almost feel like I am in the room seeing this unfold! A true work of art.
Hello! I'm penn!
This... I have to admit, it sings. Puns aside, this really does capture how creative artists feel about the handiwork that they are proud of, of how they would describe the privilege of being able to create what they know is their masterpiece. Of how much of a journey it is to find that perfect word, those syllables that fit exactly into the spaces that you've molded, and the time that is spent to make sure that your magnum opus is left with no holes, no mistakes, no faults.
It also reminds me a bit of that SpongeBob episode where all he manages to write for his essay is an overly pretty "The".
That last line is my personal favorite. There are so many things that I wish I could write all over again myself, either in personal papers or published works. I guess the best and worst part of being a writer is that you can make write these things again.
If I had more thumbs, I'd say they'd all be pointed up!
Oh my goodness - thank you so so much for that! That's exactly where I wanted to go with this! It means so much to read it from a reader, haha!!
I agree. Aw thank you! Have a great 2022!