I wrote this poem quite some time ago when I was entering a Halloween Poetry Contest but I went over the word limit with this attempt but I kept it anyway as I liked it too much to scrap this work. I also have this specific work posted on my DeviantArt account.
Ghost's and Ghoul's roam the house,
Vampire's and Witches too,
Cobwebs, spider's and a mouse,
Dim candles, arrrgh who are you!
Orange faces in the dark,
Oh they are only pumpkins,
Spooky atmosphere, what was that spark?
A screech from a violin.
The moon hidden behind clouds,
Werewolves howl in the dark night,
A great party and large crowds
I bet that gave you a fright
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Okay, what first drew me in was, in fact, the title. I love Halloween, and will literally read anything that deals with the subject. Anyway let's see, it's kinda hard to tell what the poem is about, in the way where is it? The line "A great party and large crowds," makes me think it might be at a party, but is it really? (Yes, it did scare me, crowds give me an awful fright.) The words you use are very nice, but I do see room for improvement. Which means you can only get better!
Heya Cyvain! c: Cat here to rescue this spoopy poem from the depths of the Green Room.
Nice start, with some good descriptions. It seems to be missing some things, though. Sensory details would make this at least 70% better. Right now there is no depth to the poem. You describe well but there can be more to descriptions than sight.
There are a few problems with commas vs. semicolons. I'm not going to be nit-picky, though, because I want to focus more on the dynamics of the poem. There are also a bunch of weird line breaks/need to be broken lines. Reading it aloud can really help with all these things. c:
I'm not sure what this is supposed to be about; a Halloween party? A haunted house? Just Halloween as a whole? It's very vague. There's also a lot of jumping around with your thoughts. It's not very organized right now. There is a lot of room for improvement, but having that room to improve is one of the best things!
The flow and rhythm of the piece are almost non-existent; it feels like more of a paragraph? This is just me, though. Poems don't really have a specific structure to follow. It's all up to the reader for how it feels.
Overall, this is a great start to a poem! I think you could make this great with a few improvements. I hope the other poem you did for the poem contest did well too! c:
Keep writing!
~Cat =^-^=
Cyvain87.
This is a really good poem, and I like it a lot.
It's short and snappy, and I love your use of punctuation.
Keep writing
ABC123
Spooky!
Hi, It is me, B!! I am gonna make a review out of this if I can!!
First off, I just wanna say that this was so good, and I would love to see some more..because i love Halloween.
I want to make this a short review so lets gets tarted....
"Orange faces in the dark,
Oh they are only pumpkins,
Spooky atmosphere, what was that spark?
A screech from a violin. "
So I the rhyme scheme, but what was the point of adding the word 'spark' in?
I loved this poem, but there is not really any grammar, or punctuation other than the all of the commas....
I dont understand why you would put...
"A great party and large crowds"
Before the scared part, but I honestly loved it!!!!!!!
But I loved this...
~B.
Well this was quite some time ago and I do see now those parts you pointed out do not fit but I guess what I was trying to do was combine all aspects of halloween into what initially was to be a 50 word limit. Having said this went over I did not edit it further at the time but extending it and finishing it as it's own piece however long night be a good idea. I am glad you like the poem also.
Grammar is my worst enemy i am not very good at that at all. I need alot of guidance when it comes to that area to learn how to incorporate that properly into any of my writing even more so when i write storys which I haven't posted any of yet. When i start writing it comes out on a long stream no punctuation except fullstops and no paragraphs,going back to add these in proves a scary task.