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E - Everyone


by CuddlyLittleKitten

You're beautiful, really. Your soul, your character, your thoughts, your voice and the words you speak. Just beautiful. Yet you refuse to be called beautiful, and instead prefer 'handsome' or 'strong'. You are, believe me you are, but why not beautiful, darling? Your soul is a kind one, and your thoughts are pure. Your voice is as soft as your skin and your words are intelligent, like mine. Is that vain? To say you are intelligent like me? Or is it an observation? So many questions, darling, so many internal debates. 

I just want to call you beautiful, but society implies it to be taboo. Yet you are beautiful to me for everything that you are. I know that you don't believe it, but it's true.

I've stayed awake and counted the stars while contemplating how you are, how stereotypical is that? I've thought about all the secrets we've shared, is that slightly insane? I've wrote for hours about my thoughts, and 3am seems to be when inspiration drowns me. 

 They say I'm infatuated, and maybe it's true. I just love your soul, and your humour, and your kindness. Just everything about you.

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377 Reviews

Points: 119
Reviews: 377

Fri Jan 29, 2016 4:38 pm
Snazzy wrote a review...

This is a fairly nice piece! I often think that pieces about love are often repetitive, and overused so much that it gets boring - but you put a little different spin on it. Instead of using the word "love", you describe them with a word - "beautiful".

I've stayed awake and counted the stars while contemplating how you are, how stereotypical is that?

This sentence has more than one "thought" in it. I don't recommend using a comma - try just making it a completely new sentence. I find myself pausing more than just a comma there. (example: "I've stayed awake and counted the stars while contemplating how you are. How stereotypical is that?")

Other Suggestions:
The repetition of beautiful is well, beautiful, but I think you should write something about how the author knows beautiful is overused, but clearly, it is the only word he/she can use. To some readers, the repetition might be found annoying, so if you included something about how the reader knows he/she says it a lot, then maybe that would explain your repetition more, and make it not so... Annoying, to some readers. Also, maybe ending with beautiful - "Just everything about you - is beautiful" would help as well. Just a thought.

Overall, this was a great piece! :D Fantastic job and welcome to YWS! ;) Keep up the great work!

~Snazz Pizzazz

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22 Reviews

Points: 441
Reviews: 22

Fri Jan 29, 2016 2:23 am
cheaperpoetry wrote a review...

Hey Cuddly!

I love this piece being the hopeless romantic I am. The description of a person specifying who it is without actually doing so creates an enigmatic feeling leading to someone I thought about in my own mind! I love your diction and the repetition of the word "beautiful", truly shows how beautiful they are! I just read and read this piece over and over because it flowed so nicely. Only idea I could recommend is possibly fiddling with structure of your piece. So many different ways to separate and intensifying the message! Other than that I thoroughly enjoyed this piece and I'm glad I found it! (:


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43 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 43

Thu Jan 28, 2016 11:16 pm
Amabilia says...

I love how you perfectly describe a mystery person. Most people find that incredibly hard to do, but you nailed it! I think everybody has someone out there like this, whether it be a girlfriend, boyfriend, sibling, friend, or even a pet! Good job on picking a topic that everyone can relate to.

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Points: 240
Reviews: 0

Thu Jan 28, 2016 10:37 pm
desporados00 says...

this is so so beautifully written!!!!
amazing that just reading it put a certain person in my mind!! your vocabulary is just amazing!

Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
— Quentin Crisp