I’ll be here for you.
When your eyes haze over,
And you are blind
To life’s blurred meaning.
I’ll hear your calls, hold your hand,
Pull you from the precipice.
But please, dear friend,
Squint and see me.
My eyes burnt out years ago.
My fingers are numb, my Tongue dumb.
My nails grip the edge, snapping.
Could you, would you catch me?
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139,603 Literary Works • 672,615 Reviews
My name's Kathryn and spelled like that, and although I do not know you, I feel almost as if it were directed at me. Lol. Which actually gave me shivers down my spine, not that it was creepy or anything. I thought it was actually very pretty and beautiful. If I could quote something I'd just quote the whole thing. Haha... No, but I really think it's a very beautiful and unique concept. It starts out so, well, normal, then falls open into something very beautiful.
I really like,
I really think the second stanza is absolutely beautiful. It shows so much love and yet, a lot of the relationship between the two people. The willingness the author has in the first stanza is lovely, but then when the reader finds out that the author themselves has already been limited, it becomes very deep. I think it's almost very...sad, too. That a person would go so far as to put themselves aside even if they may need care to hold somebody up. And even then, you can read that they're having troubles holding out. It's almost as if they're saying I will help you, but I need you to help me, too.
I really liked this, and, yes, I would catch you, although I'm not the Kathryn you wrote this for. Haha. I'm going to go save this in my documents, and not because it has my name, but because I LOVED IT. ^^
That's my name!
I’ll be here for you. delete the period or put a comma after the word 'meaning'
When your eyes haze over,
And you are blind To life’s blurred meaning. i think this works better combined for 'flow' reasons
I’ll hear your calls, hold your hand, this line is too plain
Pull you from the precipice. nice word here
But please, dear friend,
Squint and see me. what is the importance of her seeing you? You never address it
My eyes burnt out years ago. Burnt seems like a weird verb, link to to something that causes the burning or use it as a theme for your poem. Otherwise, it's confusing
My fingers are numb, my Tongue dumb.
My nails grip the edge, snapping. for some reason, the 'snapping' doesn't really sit well in this line
Could you, would you catch me? very nice and clever line
Good luck and keep writing!
-KatTrain
I think it's quite a lovely poem - it's deep and meaningful, but sweet at the same time. Good job, there isn't much I'd be critical about, and that's just minor stuff like use of punctuation which you can fix.
Thanks Redfang
Any one else?
That's beautiful. Reminds me of a piano friend named Katey, who is blind. I once guided her to the front of a church and have been friends with her ever since. This piece of work must be reviewed more than once. Keep writing for the sake of writing and you will be popular in no time.