Tongues of fire shot up from the ends of the stage as seizure inducing lights shot through the air, a cacophony of awesomeness and primal rock power shaking the crowd into a drum line infused frenzy. Everything was perfect. The guitarist was rapidly shaking his head up and down, pretending to know what he was singing. The roadies were holding back the bassist, who, teeth clenched, was preemptively trying to smack the amp into submission. The lead singer was permanently damaging his and his children’s vocal cords with his melody of awesomeness. And the drummer was banging on his drums, pretending people actually knew who the heck he was.
This, any member of the crowd would tell you, was the essence of rock.
However, this scene was definitely not the essence of how to jump. Because, in an attempt to dive into the crowd, the lead guitarist tripped on a cord and fell, face first into a crowd of metal studded roadies.
And, like the drum player’s vanity infused extended solo, it didn’t end well.
* * *
“Wow, man. I wish I could fall that good.”
The guitarist woke up in crowded hospital wing, the rest of the band crowded around him.
“I didn’t mean to fall, idiot.” He said. “But wait, was it really that impressive?”
“Man,” the roadie said, holding out the peace sign, “that was the raddest thing I’ve seen all week.”
The guitarist’s manager wove his way through the crowd of roadies. “Well, pull a stunt like that again and you’ll get fired. You know how tight a schedule we need to run. We missed playing on the roof of a hospital- A HOSPITAL- because of you.”
“God, I didn’t mean to. Give me a break. You already bathe yourself in cash every night anyways.”
“You just don’t get it, do you? It’s not bathing until you can dive in and not hit the bottom. And anyways, do you know how much money it takes to replace those amps your friend over there smashes?”
The bassist bowed his head in shame.
“Whatever,” the guitarist said. “I just want to rock!”
And just like that, the guitarist stood up on his hospital bed, pulled a guitar out of his hospital gurney, and uttered a silent prayer to the god of rock. Slowly, a spire of magma and skulls rose out of the ground, bringing the band up with it. Wings sprouted on the roadies, who flew to the wastelands below to recover the long lost instruments of the demigods and to return them to the band. A group of angels even descended to dance around and look pretty. They started to play. And before long, entire nations of Australians and their kangaroo mounts gathered around the mountain to hear the words of the chosen receivers of the gift of rock.
And they played and played for centuries before towns built up in the wake of the mountain. And they called the band ACDC.
That is, until the guitarist decided to stage dive again, inventing base jumping.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,302 Literary Works • 674,338 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well this one I can see was intended to be completely ridiculous and all for laughs and that's awesome because I love that type of story. This brand I do really like with just craziness and the exaggerated dialogue and descriptions certainly help out a lot in making this a pretty darn good piece to read.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that is quite a wild scene right there to start things off with. We are definitely starting off with some really craziness and I love it. Craziness is a very good way to start off a story and grab the readers attention. The fact that it also does a wonderful job with establishing a setting is a bonus.
Oh dear well that one took a turn I didn't expect but I guess that was inevitable form the way that the title of this was written. And of course I do appreciate the humor from that one. There are entirely too many depressing works on this site.
Of course it was.
Well that seems like it was an extreme reaction there but then also pretty much true to how things occasionally tend to go in real life.
A lot I'm guessing.
Okay wait a minute...WHAT JUST ACTUALLY HAPPENED IN THERE? Talk about a plot twist. That one just came right outta nowhere and just blows you mind with what its going on about.
And wow what an ending to cap it all off.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall it was a fun little piece. I love the puns in here, those are my favorite kind of joke and while the plot seemed extreme it actually did have a pretty decent flow to it that was surprisingly easy to follow. And that's about all I've got to say.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Seizure-inducing should probably be hyphenated, as well as drumline-infused (although that last one looks funny to me for some reason...) In general, I'd suggest splitting this sentence into 2 or more. You have a lot of great description, but it's sort of lost in all the wordiness.
Also in the first paragraph, you use 'awesomeness' more than once. Maybe you could try varying word choice?
Switches from third person to second.
metal-studded (hyphen)
vanity-infused (hyphen)
Enough of the details though.
In general and in all honesty, I don't know very much at all about rock or ACDC, so I find it hard to critique much else.
Possibly I'd work on realistic conversation, but again I don't know much about said topic, so maybe that's exactly what you were going for.
Amusing story.
=)
Haha I love rock music! This is great!
Rock on /m/
-Irish
lol I love this. good job.