z

Young Writers Society



Taran Highflyer- Part 3

by Critical_Point


Taran

I watched them leave the tent and decided that I would have to trust them for the time being. But before I could feel safe with them I would have to retrieve the ropes I'd been tied up with. Conor had specially enhanced them to keep me from breaking them and escaping. I would have gone to fetch them then and there but the stress of what Conor had done still weighed heavily on me. I drifted off to sleep still thinking about Conor and memories of how my life had once been filled my dreams as I slept.

I remember growing up with my mother in Erëth, among her people the elves. My days were filled with lessons on magic, swordsmanship, hand-to-hand combat, archery, hunting, forging and knife throwing. I also learned herb lore, sewing, cooking, horseback riding, reading, writing, languages, history, etiquette and geography among many things. I soon excelled at all the things I put my hand to and I was well known and respected by my kin. Anything that that could be taught, I learned and more as well. For years learning and exploring was my passion. I was regularly to be found questioning an elder or craftsman. My greatest joy was to be found in discovering something new and learning every aspect of it to the fullest. It was often said that if I continued being so curious my brain would become addled.

If my days were full of lessons then my nights were full of stories. At the end of the day when the work was done I would go with my mother to the Star pavilion and she would tell me stories from sunset till moonrise.

Sometimes her stories were parables or little lessons and other times they were adventurous tales of heroic deeds. The stories she told me taught me the importance of goodness and kindness. They became a part of me and stayed with me when she was gone.

When I didn't have lessons I spent my time in the forest. I learned the ways of the animals and listened to their thoughts. The forest began my shelter, a place for thought and contemplation.

When I was barely into my eleventh decade, (still a child in the eyes of my kin, for elves are immortal and do not age like humans do) my mother died from a snakebite.

My father heard about the tragic accident and ordered that I return to live with him and his son, Conor.

*****************

"Welcome home Taran. I am sure you will find it is a pleasant place to live." my father greeted me at the door when I finally arrived at his manor in Vèer Throë. I sensed quickly that he was not someone to disagree with.

"I'm sure I will father."

"Good. I am very glad that you have finally returned home, I was very upset when your mother took you to live with her in Erëth." I didn't believe a word he said but I wasn't about to tell him that.

"Now, one of the servants will show you to your rooms so that you can get settled in. Dinner is at six o'clock sharp." one of the servants approached and took my bags, leaving me to follow behind.

****************

Dinner was a very stiff formal affair. The only sound in the hall was the scraping of cutlery against dishes. Finally my father put his dishes aside and addressed me and the boy at the table.

"Taran, you know Conor I assume. I know you didn't visit each other often but I trust you will do your best to become reacquainted with him. Conor I expect you to do your best to make your sister feel welcome here."

"Yes father," we replied in unison.

"Very good. I shall be leaving you to your own amusement now. Goodnight children."

"Goodnight father." he left us to overcome our differences by ourselves and returned to his study.

"Well," I said, "It's nice to see you again."

"No, the pleasure is all mine." we stood uncomfortably for a moment, neither of us knowing what to do. All the same, being there with him showed me what I had been missing in my life. It was like suddenly a part of me that was missing had been found.

"Would you like me to give you a tour of the grounds?" he asked me at last.

"Yes, that would be great."


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88 Reviews


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Reviews: 88

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Wed Jul 29, 2009 3:56 pm
ZannaShepherd says...



Sorry about that, (I had computer problems) :evil:

OK, continuing where I left off: (and remember I'm just a beginner, and I have really no right to critique others writing. These are just my opinions, and I'm not perfect either. )

. . . geography among many things.

'among many other things' maybe?

For years learning and exploring was my passion.

I'm not sure if this sounds better or not.

'For years, learning and exploring were my passions.'

I was regularly to be found questioning an elder or craftsman.

This sentence could be reworded, it's a little awkward.

I was regularly to be found questioning an elder or craftsman. My greatest joy was to be found in discovering something new and learning every aspect of it to the fullest.

You use 'to be found' twice, and I think it would read smoother if you changed one.

The forest began my shelter, a place for thought and contemplation.

I think you meant 'became'.

I know you didn't visit each other often but I trust . . .

'haven't visited' I think didn't is the wrong tense.

Other than that, I think it was great! I like how you showed her past, it made it easier to know her.

~Zanna




User avatar
88 Reviews


Points: 2290
Reviews: 88

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Wed Jul 29, 2009 2:05 pm
ZannaShepherd wrote a review...



Yay! I'm glad you wrote more. I really like where your going with this story.

Here are a few things I found:

But before I could feel safe with them I would have to retrieve the ropes I'd been tied up with. Conor had specially enhanced them to keep me from breaking them and escaping. I would have went to fetch them then . . .

I was just wondering why she needed the ropes? What does it matter that they're 'specially enhanced'?

You could change 'went' to 'gone'. Something about the way it sounds right now is a little rough.

...will continue the review later...





People say I love you all the time - when they say, ‘take an umbrella, it’s raining,’ or ‘hurry back,’ or even ‘watch out, you’ll break your neck.’ There are hundreds of ways of wording it - you just have to listen for it, my dear.
— John Patrick, The Curious Savage