Young Writers Society

haha, love the ending.

'Let's elope'
sounds more realistic.

try 'sending shivers down her spine.'

'The morning was sunny/the sun so bright.'
repetition of sun(ny) shows lack of vocab. and makes it sound more childish

'when he finally answered;/"Yes"'
disrupts flow.

'"Goodbye, my darling",'
-if the poem's set in the time of The Luxe/Pride and Prejudice, the non-dialogue sections have to be written in that style and with wider vocab.

'she kissed his soft cheek
...
she said with a smile.'
intentional repitition?
if it isn't, it makes the writing less elegant, contradicting the speech

loving the image, but language needs to be improved.

um, i forgot what eloping means so i cant give you a good review
but i liked it anyway, the ending was good, nearly laughed
and i love the whole thing to tell the truth

look forward to reading more of your stuff

-grimy

i really like it it had a great beat and was very confusing which is sometimes good. In your case it was.
You warned us about the confusion which made the poem make more sense i dont know how but it did.
It was a lovely poem good job!

The tone was somewhat flat and the rhyme scheme uneven. The ending, however, was nice and surprising. Downbeat endings are the way to go.

Haha, I like this. So it took him all day to answer? Wow. And the ending, that was really unexpected (another thing I love in poetry). She didn't marry him because he said okay to eloping? Ehh, I don't know. Maybe she thinks that's a sign of a lack of patience? Maybe their parents are against it? Eh, sorry if this review doesn't make sense, it's a little late at night lol. My advice, don't have second thoughts, I think you have a good idea here. And who told you poems don't have to make sense? What's the point of reading a poem that you don't understand? Poems are like pencils, they must have a point.

WOw, first review goes to me
Firstly, hi. I really loved this piece. it was great and really straight to the point which i like in a poem.
I love the rhyming.
sometimes i think that u need to adjust the rhythm a little because in sokme places it doesnt fit with majority pace.
for example...
'when he finally answered;

"Yes"

i dont know
im torn bout this line because it fits well with the purpose of the poem but also disrupts the pattern slightly.

other than this, i think that the poem is fab.
really enjoyed reading it
great work
hope i have helped !
bisquit