Young Writers Society

HEELLO crimson quill,
I may or may not have also reviewed someone named golden quill? Eheh totally random, sorry. Back to your poem about fatigue.
I enjoy reading short poems that get to the point and, most preferably, those that rhyme. You did a nice job here. I envy the way you seem to be able to rhyme without trying- when I write poems, the rhyming words seem off. Also thank you for keeping this poem short. Readers are in a hurry and like reading poems that take less time but have a lasting memory in their heads.
"Of a sudden the world goes dark." When you overdo it, you faint. Your limbs can no longer hold you up and your tired, you just want to go to sleep- and maybe never wake up.
"Fatigue's dull brand makes its mark." Like I said, you either fall into a deep sleep...or you die of fatigue.
Most poems these days are about love and loss and such. Fatigue is a unique topic, which attracts curious readers wanting a taste of something new.

Don't overdo it,

Night Kaizer

ZeldaIsShiek here for another review on some fantastic realistic poetry! Today I have nothing to say regarding the format or prose of the poem, so let's hop right in!

First of, I'd like to clearly state that I really enjoyed reading this poem. It was a brilliant blend of suspense and mystery. I thought that the only thing you could add to it is a bit of theme, as a lot of it does not make sense together as one poem, but I did understand the underlying theme of exhaustion, as hinted at by stating "there is much work left to be done" and stating that your hands and feet are "nauseating...aching".

I'm not usually picky with poems like this, but when there are almost no errors at all within the writing itself, I have no choice but to bring out the old "BAD GRAMMIR ERMG!!!!" stuff. The only grammatical error I could find was that "all of a sudden" should be "all of the sudden", but it is a very common mistake.

That's all I have to say! I really enjoyed this poem, and I look forward to seeing many more written by you in the future I am notified about by this FOLLOW I am giving you!
*you follow @CrimsonQuill*
+10 XP
your LV increases
you are now LV 2

NOO I WAS ON PACIFIST! Whatever, I'll just reset again. AGAIN!
-ZeldaIsShiek

Hello, CrimsonQuill, I'm here to review your poem.

I always like to read rhyming poems. Many of the poems here on this site (including the ones I post) are free verse, and it feels refreshing to find some rhymes here.

But with the rhyming poems I review, I usually find some awkward moments throughout the poem.

For example,

Not fire -- not quite -- but quite enough!

Yet here we hold, with Sleep our master.