z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Reacher (Riddle)

by CrimsonQuill


I was born some years past,
Full of life and strength vast,
Destiny beyond my ken:
Murdered beside my brethren,
Savagely shattered and spurned,
Beaten, broken, and then burned.

Even now, I lack reprieve.
I can't begin to believe
How very common this fate
Would seem to the magistrate:
Crimes against both me and mine,
Committed whilst weather's fine.

Our bruised bodies serve again,
Scarred and torn beyond thy ken,
Frivolously marred and bent
Do we deserve to be rent?
To be broken, ripped, torn,
So that your "art" can be born?

Who are we?

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73 Reviews

Points: 4757
Reviews: 73

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Sun Feb 26, 2017 12:48 am
NightKaizer wrote a review...



HEELLO Crimson Quill,
A poem about unjust death. Considering this is also a riddle, I'm intrigued. Is the answer paper? Or maybe trees? I'm bad at riddles.
Riddles commonly come in the form of poetry. This is actually the first time I've seen this happen on YWS. Congrats! "I was born some years past, full of life and strength vast." Well, my answer to this riddle is a tree. Trees are old and their trunks are thick and strong.
"Murdered beside my brethren." I'm guessing woodcutters came and cut down a huge expanse of forest.
"How very common this fate would seem to the magistrate." Most people would think cutting down trees is no big deal. It happens all the time and it supplies us with paper.
"Committed whilst the weather's fine." Of course woodcutters would only cut trees during good weather. Who would risk going out during a storm when the trees could topple down on you?
"Our bruised bodies serve again." Yes the trees will serve as paper and architecture for the humans.
"So that your art can be born?" Painters and illustrators need paper to create their drawings. Architects need the wood to create their majestic buildings.

I'm guessing trees,

Night Kaizer




CrimsonQuill says...


Yeah, I'm not always good at making very difficult riddles. I just like pretty ones. It is trees, indeed. Nice work!

I'll get around to either digging up the really tough ones I had in the past, or making some new impossible ones for you guys to enjoy. :mrgreen:

Glad you liked it, and thanks for your comments!



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55 Reviews

Points: 158
Reviews: 55

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Thu Feb 23, 2017 11:02 pm
all wrote a review...



Hello, here for a review.

Let me just start off saying, wow, this is so cool. I personally am so bad a riddles so I'm probably going to check back on any comments about what the answer is. But, now let's just get into the review.

I want to comment on the last rhyming lines, I don't think it really works. When I rhyme I base it off of the last syllables sounds rather than the looks of letters. The "ed" endings are affected by the v and n before the 'ed'.

Now, something about your italicized words. When you italicize words you usually want the greatest emphasis on those words. In your first stanza the last line, those italicized words do work for me. But when I see it here

Crimes against both me and mine,
I quite audibly want to yell the crimes part whereas it shouldn't be. Unless you are using it in terms of oh these "crimes" were committed when they clashed yellow converse with a green pair of socks kind of thing. If that were the case I would chose to not italicize it but rather put the word in quotation marks, or you can even change they word you are using. In the third stanza line two, the usage of the italics are alright, I'm not a big fan but they do work. I would recommend some kind of change but I do not know what would pair it best.

And for the bold parts, I took the first time as a hint and the second time as a verbally yelled word. I don't know if those are the vibes you wish to be sending off, but that is what I received. I have no other comments besides my interpretation.

Here in these lines,
Savagely shattered and spurned,
Beaten, broken, and then drowned.
the alliteration is really adds a sharp sting to the words you have there, but the flow is kind of killed with the drowned word. It also is kind of a stretch to rhyme that with "spurned". Maybe another word that starts with the letter "b" might do the last line justice.

In this line,
Committed whilst weather's fine.
I honestly believe that there needs to be a word in between "whilst" and "weather's". A simple word "the" help the line. And that is all I really have for the second stanza, great wording.

I don't understand the line of
Do we deserve to be rent?
I would try making it more clear as to what you mean, because I have no idea. It would also help convey what you are trying to have a reader solve at the end of your poem/riddle. Another thing I'm quite confused about is the last line of
Who are we?
I get that it's supposed to be a final like of "oh, guess what object I am", but why exactly is it crossed out? Is it only known why when the riddle is solved? Well, that's about all I have to say on your poem/riddle. It's clever and I wish you the best of luck on your other works!




CrimsonQuill says...


Thanks so much for taking the time to review!

I've gone ahead and made a few of your suggested changes; thank you so much for those!

In terms of clarification, the 'crimes' was meant to have that kind of emphasis - the idea was essentially to illustrate that while it may not be 'officially' a crime, it is seen as such by the 'answer'/subject of the riddle. Not totally sure how to clarify it without making the verse too wordy.

The line missing a 'the' was... Eh. I'm not sure on that score. Adding the extra syllable is too prone to breaking the structure. I might have to reformulate it.

"Rent" in that context carries back to a pretty archaic usage, meaning ripped or torn. I have a bit of a habit of using archaic words when rhyming; it allows me to be a bit more crafty.

There is some meaning to it being struck out, but I might leave that unexplained for now.

Thanks very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it!




Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.
— Euripides