Published August 8, 2011
In the beginning, I was a quiet shy girl. I was what some might call unsociable. Or stuck up. But, really, I was afraid to talk.
I truly believed that people didn't want to hear my opinions or ideas. I thought I was inferior to those who knew how to speak there mind. When I look back, I wish I was more confident.
Then one day, I went on a journey. Well, really it was a summer camp. It was ten days long, where we canoed on a beautiful lake. We slept in tarps and didn't see the rest of the world for those days.
Those days were the best in my life, and probably it shaped me into a whole new person.
The people there believed I had good ideas and opinions. They wanted to hear what I had to say. They believed in me.
It was a magical feeling. And when it ended, I knew I was a different person.
It was really amazing to see you gain confidence over these ten days. Something that gives us a little bit of happiness.
One of the instructors told me on my last day. I smiled with pleasure in return.
When I got home, everyone noticed my new found self-esteem. The girl who had been afraid to speak her mind, doesn't exist in me anymore.
I now know that my ideas and opinions are just as important and valid as anyone else's. Thank you for believing in me.
Challenge yourself. Change your world. Outward Bound.
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138,374 Literary Works • 672,110 Reviews
Hi there!
I enjoyed reading this story about your life. But I agree with paintingtherain, I think it was a little too simple and factual. I feel like you just listed what was going on before you went to camp, how you went to camp, and then how you were a changed person after camp. If you break it down and bring out your feelings, this piece will be so much better. Share some of your feelings about camp. Were you nervous? Did you meet anyone new there? When exactly did you come out of your shell? With these new details the reader can really understand and relate to you.
Keep writing!
This is a nice little memoir, although a bit simplistic. If you want to add a little meat to it, maybe you should increase the details. For example, how did you go from a shy girl with an inferiority complex to a confident one? You said that you got encouragement at camp and they made your self-esteem go up and everything. But maybe you should talk about some of the people that you met and some more of the things you did. When it comes to writing things like this, it is better to be detailed. Also, you listed this as a short story, when it is nonfiction. This may cause confusion. All in all, I really thought this was some good writing. If you add some more details and spice it up a bit, I'm sure the feedback will be purely positive. Goo job.