{Author's note- this is only the prolouge and part of chapter 1. If all goes well, I'll post the second part of chapter 1}
Prologue:
Crimson drops of blood scattered through the air, rapidly falling on to the clean snow that covered the field as Gareth sunk his sword into the enemy knight’s chest.
The stabbed knight stumbled and fell backwards onto the ground with a loud groan but it was nearly drowned out by other war cries that surrounded them.
His hand was lying on top of his wound but that didn’t stop the heavy bleeding and eventually he grew silent.
Gareth gazed around with intense gray eyes, his heart thumping wildly and blood coursing through his veins. He observed with satisfaction that the knights from his own kingdom were slaying their enemies swiftly. They were winning….
“But nothing is set in stone.” Gareth warned himself. He was one of the knights of the kingdom Peranthas…the knight who had just died was from a rival kingdom- Ethaea.
As he stared across the field, another knight attacked Gareth from behind but he twisted around swiftly, making his sword slice across their stomach and penetrating their armor.
The rival knight didn't stand a chance and died almost instantly.
Gareth quickly wiped off the scattered blood from his face, his sword still drawn and ready to attack.
He wasn’t only a knight from Peranthas but was also a highly esteemed one.
Gareth was so respected that the king, Cassius, appointed him as a superior of all the other knights who were fighting in this battle beside him.
A choked cry suddenly pierced the air and Gareth turned to stare in despair as one of his knights collapsed to the ground a couple lengths ahead of him, the Ethean knight standing over his bleeding body in triumph.
He rushed over and made quick work of the Ethean knight, slicing his throat promptly before bending over his lost warrior’s body.
Gareth felt a jolt of revulsion run through his body as he realized who it was. The fallen knight was Tristan one of his best friends.
“Tristan…” He said, his voice choking with grief and taking his friend’s arm. “May God be with you…”
Tristan gulped for breath. “ I-It was an honor fighting with you Gareth…” He managed to get out before he took his final breath.
Gareth bowed his head in respect and closed his comarad's blank eyes. “Your death will not be in vain my friend…” He muttered, straightening up and storming off into the thickest fighting of the battle. “I promise.”
(1st part of chap. 1)
Chapter 1:
The sudden linger of warmth in the air brings the silent promise of spring even though frost still lay heavily on the leaves as I walk through the forest, my bow and arrow strung lightly over my shoulder. It's a definate reminder of the harsh winter we had that was now coming to a slow end.
I pause to listen to the forest as I'm loading my bow. There's the sound of birds chirping throughout the forest but I finally hear one noise that catches my attention.
It's the familar sound of a deer rustling a bush. I silently walk towards the sound but make sure my feet are avoiding any fallen leaves or twigs.
When I finally get close enough to get a better look, the deer turns out to be a male; a nice sized one too with large anthlers.
I smile as I raise up my bow and line it perfectly so the arrow is pointing directly at the buck's heart.
"I'll make a decent amount of money from trade thanks to you..." I think. Then exactly as I'm about to shoot a loud noise startles the deer and causes me to miss my shot.
I whip around to see what made me mess up my perfect hunt and standing in front of me is Ryence. I'm not surprised.
"Hell, of course it is..." I think, irration flooding through me. "It's always him."
"Hey Valerian. "Ryence says lightly with a smile, his dirty blonde hair covering his green eyes. "Hunting as usual I see?"
I narrow my eyes. "Yes until you came along!" I snap, stomping over to him angrily after I unstung my bow. "I was just about to make another kill, if you hadn't noticed."
Ryence playfully rolls his eyes which can only add to my anger. "Calm down Val." He replies. "I saw where the deer ran off to. I can lead you to it."
I frown, intent on making it clear to him that I'm not happy then I sigh.
"Fine but you better be telling the truth..." I finally mutter. "What did you want?"
Ryence looks hurt by words and I can't help but feel guilty.
"I just wanted to talk to you." He says, looking uncomfortable. "Is that so wrong?"
I break my gaze away from him. Ryence is one of my best friends and I know I that it out on him but I don't do it on purpose.
"I'm sorry Ryence." I begin remorsefully. "It's just I'm..."
He nods slowly and his eyes shone with understanding as he stares down with me.
"Your dad's going to be fine all right? He'll be coming home with the rest of the knights." He says confidently, placing a hand gently on my shoulder. "Like he always does. Now let's get that deer."
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
It's really good for...did you say your first? Anyway, I liked it. There were some typos, but besides that it was good. I need this to be long enough for a review so I'll keep talking. On little grammar error was-
I pause to listen to the forest as I'm loading my bow.
-It would sound better like this-
I pause to listen to the forest as I load my bow.
Besides that, it war awesome. I'm guessing the knight that died was Valerian's dad. Don't tell me though, I want to find out.
Anthlers should be antlers. Other than that... That was amazing. It is extraordinarily well written and has a great cast of characters and emotions. I need to see more! You did very, very well and I agree with Lycando, the first sentence of paragraph one should be just a tad bit shorter. Fix the spelling mistakes and you got the ingredients for a future New York Times best-seller, believe me on that one lol I love how you portray the characters at the start, please post more as you write it. Keep writing and I'll be expecting to hear from your writings very soon XD
Thanks for your input :3 and believe or not this is my first time trying to write a medieval story, let alone with knights! I didn't know it would turn out to be this good
Right, Lycando here to review!
There should be a comma inserted there, or maybe a full stop. Corrections in ( ). 
Also "unstung" probably change to "unstrung". It's always good to spell check when you're writing, if you're using MS word, they have that function. 
I really liked this story, and I would like to see more!
First off, the knight's name is Gareth right? However you used the name Lancelot when you said "But nothing is set in stone," Lancelot warned himself. This part confuses me, is Lancelot another name of Gareth? Or is it a totally different person?
The prologue was done well, not many people can write a sword fight scene that well.
Now we move on to Chapter 1. The first sentence is way too long.
"The sudden linger of warmth in the air brings the silent promise of spring(.) Even though frost still lay heavily on the leaves as I walk through the forest, my bow and arrow (were still) strung lightly over my shoulder. It's a (definite) reminder of the harsh winter we had that was now coming to a slow end."
There was a spelling mistake too, minor one like "irration", should have been "irritation"
The last part, you mentioned Valerian's dad was in battle. Who is her dad? Gareth, or Tristan? Or maybe even neither.
You said that this was the prologue plus a small part of chapter one right? Just a tip here. Post it chapter by chapter. Meaning Prologue as one post and chapter 1 as another post. It's a little weird if you leave the reader hanging at an abrupt point. Cutting one section of a chapter away isn't that good for the reader.
Would love to see more from you!
Oops yeah his name is Gareth, Lancelot was the first name I had chosen XD my bad :3
This seems to be a neat story. Is Gareth Valerian's father? That seems to be the connection. Or maybe it was Tristan? It's good when you get your readers to ask questions and wonder about what's going to happen next. I think your story has potential, and you should continue with it. I think you should create actual paragraphs instead of mostly single sentences though. It helps with grouping your ideas. Good job! Happy writing
Yeah Gareth's her father... weird I thought I had put that in the description Lawl