Published November 8, 2010
One day I'll see a shooting star.
I'l probley wish for something irresponsible, Like A car.
But like they say wishes never get you far.
Life is full of wishes that turn into Irresponisble mistakes,
because a wish Is all it Takes.
Your whole world can change.
You might find yourself looking for something to rearange,
Just know It's not worth your sarrow,
Your heart is always what you should Fallow,
So stop listening to your mind.
For your answer you will never find.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,444 Literary Works • 674,455 Reviews
It seems to be a little forced, considering the rhyming. The concept is interesting and could become something worth while. Keep writing. Also the editing done above is a good start.
Heyy,
This poem is alright, but it could use alot of work, take note of all the mispellings marked by StoryWeaver13 as poor grammer can turn off readers in an instant. You could also try and use more descriptions and try more complex ideas next time. Keep writing though! I'm sure you'll get better
-rainbowbubblex
Okay, I'll be honest when I say I'm not a huge fan of this poem. It's not that it isn't good, it's just not really anything different. I think a lot of your problem is that you're being held back by the rhyme scheme (and a pretty weak one at that). Anywho, I think it is a good concept to toy with. See where it brings you; keep tweaking and you could have a pretty good piece.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver