Just the worlds toy.

CreativeLindsey wrote:Everyone says she wants to be the center of attendtion.
but that is not her intention.
It comes naturally, and most of the time she doesnt want it. This is direct, and we're not getting the any pictures or ideas of how this is working. If you said she's the center of attention, and then filled in a simile for us to see how, you can even make it a bad thing. She's the center of attention, like a burning building. Some sort of event or relation to the real world that can go further than just the words in a poem.
but she cannot change how she looks, all she wants is to fit. This is pretty boring. And the way you're setting this up, it would be challenging to move from one idea to the next in a poetic sense. The reason why this would be hard is because you're not giving a real transition from one idea to the next in a fluent manner. It goes from she doesn't want to be the center of attention to she can't change the way she looks and it connects with the word but, the problem with this is that the word but is used almost as an opposing word. She's really great but... She's annoying. Or it was a terrible rainstorm but it helped with the drought. And these ideas are related to one another and shouldn't be presented as opposing ideas. So you should work on the connection between your ideas.
every girl looks at her in discust,
It makes her heart feel like its going to "bust".
The Boys treat her with no respect, You're pretty much listing what this is, it's also a flow / connection problem. I liked what you had before, because there you had some transition and tried to make it tie togeather. This is just like reading a fact sheet or some form of study guide for school. Which isn't too fun, right?
But she doesnt know how to react. In what context can't she react? Like, she does not know what to say? Or to do? An action or something that can give us a picture of how this is happening would do wonders. Because we don't know what she should be doing, the proper reaction to this.
She cant relax, She cant sleep. Well... normally, if you have trouble relaxing, you have trouble sleeping too.
She doesnt talk, you wont even hear a "peep". You don't need to say she doesn't talk if you say that you don't get a peep from her.
theres always one boy who cant get his hand off of her, what a "creep". This is kinda out of place, it would fit in more with the descriptions about the other kids / her being the center of attention.
She dresses properly, no low cut shirts, No short skirts,
but it doesnt matter, she is still concidered a slut. God it Hurts. This would go better with how the other girls and boys see her, up above.
No one wants to hang out, except the boys.
They act like Shes some kind of toy. How do they act like she's a toy? Playing with her emotions? Or with her hair? Or whatever. Also, this shows that the boys have no respect for her, so you might want to drop that line back in the beginning.

Over all:
I think the rhyme has taken from your poem more so than it has given. Remember, rhyme is a tool and it does not need to be used.

I think that you also have some transition and placement issues among your lines, I've pointed out what I thought was out of place. And the transition too.

Also, you're not really letting us see what is happening, this is best done through example. You have given some examples, like being called a slut and things like that. I do like that you have given some examples but they weren't used to their full effect because they were detached from their supporting lines.

You have the makings of something good here. Your mistakes aren't totally mistakes, they're seeds of what you could be doing to make your poetry that much better. I've already pointed them out.

Good luck, keep writing.
PM me with any concerns or ways to improve my reviews;
Silented1.

This is my first review so it's probably not very helpful.
I loved your poem especially the quoted line.

CreativeLindsey wrote: all she wants is to fit.
every girl looks at her in discust,
It makes her heart feel like its going to "bust".

You do have a few misspellings, but who doesn't. It is very good, but somewhat confusing. You don't give away that she's considered a slut until the end, and it's a bit confusing. Maybe you could add that a bit earlier in the story. I'm sorry this review sucks and I hope I wasn't too harsh.