Preface
TalenPOV
Great, we’re moving.Again. This will be the third time we’ve moved this year. To be honest I don’t really mind moving around, it’s not like I’m going to be leaving any friends behind and it helps that I know the real reason for moving. Allison on the hand… well she’s never really understood why we have to move around so much, hell she doesn’t even know the real reason, and unlike me she has a lot of friends to leave behind.
It’s hard being an Argent, for me in particular, but families are like that. We all have problems it’s just that ours are slightly less conventional than others. Maybe I should back up a bit. For centuries, the Argent family have been Hunters of the supernatural, in particular werewolves. The men of the family are trained from a young age to be soldiers and the women are trained to be leaders. This in turn means that Allison and I will soon be in charge of the family business. Even though there are Argents all over the world, our family is kinda the head of command. Any operation involving the Argent family is immedaitely reported backs to us. Also, because I am the eldest, the role goes straight to me. Kind of like hunter royalty to be honest.
Awesome right?
Only there are a few problems with that plan. Problem one would be the fact that Allison has no clue what really goes on in our family and hasn’t started training yet. Also, if she is told, she most likely won’t want to be involved as she couldn’t handle killing another being. Hell, she cried for two hours after she killed her goldfish when she was ten. Yeah, heart of a cold blooded killer my sister has.
Finally, the fact that I’m a werewolf might also be an issue. That’s right. I, Talen Argent, am a werewolf who is part of a family of werewolf Hunters. You can just imagine how great my life has been can’t you?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okayy...well, this was a pretty neat first chapter here, it has most of the things you expect from one of these...and honestly, it was a pretty nice read here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...well, that's an interesting point to start with right there...introduces what appears to be the two main characters here...and we get to see some interesting contrasts in personality going on...and it appears this is the middle of a relatively exciting time there with the whole moving thing going down. Soo..well, neat little start here.
Well, that doesn't sound like the best of situations to be in right there...well, coolness aside, the fact that it appears the children don't quite seem to have too much of a choice in the matter, although it doesn't appear that the children are exactly against it either. A pretty cool premise here at any rate...this definitely gets my attention.
Well...the sister is definitely going to have trouble with the family business if she ends up having to do anything, you can certainly see what the problem is going to be there...also the fact that she hasn't been told anything is quite interesting to see...well...this is getting more an more interesting as we go on here.
Oh well...that...that problem seems to be a bit worse than the sister's one...oh dear...well, that's a lovely twist there to end on right there, makes for a very, very good cliffhanger there...
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, I'd say this is a really good start here, certainly good enough for me to want to read on more here. Anyway, that's about all I've gotta say here for now.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I recently joined this site and this is my first review. So, I'll be quick and concise.
It would have been of great significance if the your age and Allison had been included.
What age is 'young'. Because you wrote that you guys get trained at a young age, but I see you write "...after she killed her gold fish when she WAS TEN". This makes me wonder how old Allison currently is, and why the hell she hasn't begun her training.
Hey there CreativeIntentions! It's Lycando here to review!
First of, even though this is pretty short, I'm loving this story already, and I may just decide to review the next parts of this story! If you intend to continue this, that is.
Not much for the nitpicks, punctuation and grammar is pretty good. Your introduction got me hooked. Now as I soon I heard that it was hard to be an Argent, and that that stuff about being different, I was scared for a moment that you wouldn't elaborate on that. Some people don't and it just confuses the reader. But you did, so good job with that!
A little comment here, try to avoid using the "....." too much, it becomes annoying at times. Now not saying that you did but sometimes it could just be replace by a fullstop.
On to the actual critique! For a preface, this seems more of a prologue, but also with three paragraphs, it doesn't really seem like either. One suggestion would be to carry this part on and write a few more paragraphs.
You mentioned that Talen and Allison would soon be in charge of the family business. Now I have kinda a few questions for that. How big is the Argent family exactly? The Argent family, as you said, existed for centuries. Surely there would be more than one descended family in the present day right? Are Talen and Allison the only eligible successors of the family? There are many possibilities to this.
You mentioned that, men were trained to be hunters and the women were trained to be leaders. Yet after that you said that Allison has had no training whatsoever. That just makes it seem weird, but as long as you explain the reasons behind that it's fine.
So what I'm saying here is that you need to fill in the missing blanks here. There are some questions left unanswered and readers just love to find out all the details. Your storyline is pretty unique in it's own way, with men and women having their own roles to play. Your story flows well too, and the way you narrate it get's the reader hooked.
And that is all from me! Hope that my review was helpful to you and help that you will post more stories for me to read!
Cheers, Lycando!