Prologue
He pushed himself off the ground, balancing on little unsteady legs and standing up. He had fallen, tripping over one of the many toys and trinkets strewn across the floor.
“Vincent!” his mother’s delicate, beautiful voice called to him from the kitchen.
The boy, a young age of three, tottered into the room to find her placing a plate of cut fruit onto the table. She was holding his younger sister, a gorgeous blond baby named Austin, in the crook of her arm, occasionally jerking the infant back up if she begins to slip.
“Come and eat, dear,” she urged, coaxing the boy to the table.
“Okay, Mama,” the toddler muttered, climbing up onto his chair and sitting on top of his booster seat.
“Do you want to open your presents now or later?” his mother asks gently, her clear blue eyes warm.
His birthday is tomorrow, but because his parents have to work, Vincent is going to celebrate his fourth birthday early.
“Can we wait until Daddy gets home?” Vincent suggested, his voice muffled by the medley of food he’d just shoveled into his mouth.
“No, sweetheart, I’m sorry. He’s not coming home tonight. He has to work late, because The Council is meeting and he has to prepare the Great Hall.” His mother brushes his raven-colored bangs from his brow, her eyes pained.
“Oh, okay,” the boy murmured, swallowing with disappointment. “I guess I’ll open them now.”
“If you’re sure...” His mother set Austin in her high chair and exits the kitchen, her white robe whisking against the door frame.
Vincent continued eating his fruit in silence, kicking his feet back and forth against his chair. Austin reaches for her brother, making little noises to beg for the food.
Approximately five minutes later, his mother returned, carrying two boxes, one large and the other very small, both wrapped in gold.
She set them on the table, a glowing smile on her face.
“The big one’s from the Council, and the small one is from your father and me,” she told him, sitting down. She begins to feed Austin from her own plate, looking troubled. Austin ignored the food, but instead reached for the gifts. “No, dear one. You’re not old enough yet.” She kissed the infant’s forehead, smoothing her light blonde hair lovingly.
Vincent opened the large one first, carefully tearing off the dazzling golden paper. It’s a beautifully-made wooden case with golden latches. He opened the case to reveal a pure gold-plated trumpet with pearl valves and an embroidered bell. His name was engraved on the bell in perfect cursive, a light swirl around his name.
“They hope you will join me in making music for the Most High,” his mother explained, running her fingers through her son’s soft black hair and smiling softly at him.
“I like it, Mama,” Vincent murmured, staring at the instrument. He lifted it out of the case, running his little fingers down the markings. It’s heavy, but he cannot help but to admire the gift. He placed it back in the case, careful to keep his hands steady. His mother closes the case and pushes the smaller box to Vincent, smiling.
His ripped the paper off with more enthusiasm; it’s a small velvet case. He opened slowly it with trembling fingers, revealing a tiny ruby, with his initial, a cursive “V,” carved into it, nestled on a little white pillow.
Mother took the box from him, pulling the jewel from its resting place, showing that it’s attached to a thin gold chain. She fastened it around Vincent’s neck, a tear welling in her eye.
“In case anything happens, your father and I will always be with you,” she whispered, kissing his forehead. “This year is going to be an important one for you. Happy birthday, Vincent.”
“But my real birthday isn’t until tomorrow,” Vincent pointed out. The only true reason he opened his presents is because his mother had insisted upon it the day before.
“I know this, baby, but well, I don’t know how to say this, but-”
A knock on the front door interrupts the distraught parent.
“Who could that be?” his mother wondered, mostly to herself. She rose from the table, running her fingers through her long blond hair. Vincent followed her, hopping down from the booster seat and tottering behind his mother.
She opened the door; a tall, blonde man with dazzling blue eyes much like hers is on the other side. From his back protruded pure white wings, the feathers ruffled as if he’d flown over in a serious hurry.
“Gabriel,” the other gasped, bowing to him in respect. She shakes out her own pair of wings, something she rarely does at home.
“My dearest Illiana, I have grave news,” Gabriel reported, his eyes full of sorrow. “Vlassir was attacked by demons when he went to the Middle World. He tried to fight them off, but he didn’t make it. I’m sorry.”
Illiana choked back the tears as they begin to form in her eyes. “It is… quite all right, Gabriel. The Most High warned this would happen.” She embraced the archangel before he flew away into the light of the Heaven skies.
Vincent’s mother turned to look down at her son, her eyes full of pained tears. She stooped down to take Vincent in her arms.
Vincent wrapped his own arms around the angel’s neck, his own eyes filling with sad tears.
“Daddy is dead?” he sniffed. “How-”
“Oh, Vincent,” his mother whispered, delicate sobs ripping through her chest, “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, Mama,” Vincent told her, choking on his own tears. “You didn’t mean for Daddy to die.”
Just hours later, Illiana left to prepare her music for the Most High, leaving her two children with her sister, Silvia. Gabriel returned, bearing more grave news: Illiana had passed, dying by falling from the clouds and being torn by the same demons that had taken her mate.
Big Fat Author's Note! Austin can be a girl's name; it's short for Augustine. About Vincent's age, he is "three," but he is an angel after all. He started learning the "year" before and picked up on things well. He's exceptionally intelligent. His mother understood this and talked to him like she would any older child. I myself could talk at the age of three. As for Gabriel's carelessness in announcing Vladimir's death, he was in a hurry. Many messages to deliver. Plus, Vincent was eavesdropping. Umm, I think that answers any questions you may have. Have a nice day.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Instead of making an author’s note, why not just include the details in the story x) ?
Anyways, I liked this. I liked the names for some reason, they were really pretty, and seem to fit angels. You have good descriptions, I like how you slipped in details of the character’s appearances and the presents Vincent received. Speaking of the present scene, I thought Vincent should have more of a reaction towards the gifts. He didn’t even speak at all, or really acknowledge any of it. You’d think if someone gave him such marvelous gifts he would have some kind of reaction.
Quite a twist at the end there, it kind of came out of nowhere! I was not expecting the mother to die. So good job at surprising me x) I don’t really see where this is headed, but I’m curious to see what you have in store.
If you want a review for the next chapter, let me know x)
Love the username btw, it made me smile xD
Have an awesome day!
Hmmm.....well I know you have explained everything but it may have to work a little bit more. He is three years old and an angel but yet again, he's three years olds and where do they live for an angel to just appear outside their house like that? It just needs to be a little realistic even though this is fiction XD. Other than that, I'm very interested in this story that you got here and I can't wait to read the next chapter. Keep writing.
Sounds like this will make for an interesting novel, but I think it could be even better if you choose more unique imagery and words. Maybe you could add some foreshadowing of what will come later. I mean, your title is after all, The Dark Angel of Peace, so it seems like your story is going to be about that, but I don't really get that feeling from your prologue, although it is well written. All in all, keep up the good work!
Okay, um... just a few points.
Firstly, how old is this kid? Three? He strikes me as way too articulate and understanding for a three year old. It really pulled me out of the story.
Secondly, watch your adjectives. Too many feels like you're trying too hard. Like: “Vincent!” his mother’s delicate, beautiful voice called to him from the kitchen.
Really you only need beautiful OR delicate. The reader's mind already associates the two. Sometimes you can get away with "beautifully delicate", but that's sometimes.
Thirdly, and this relates to firstly, but three is a good number. Watch your character's reaction and interactions. They have to be believable. You can have the most outlandish story ever, but it'll be believable because your characters are real. Examples:
When a mother talks to a toddler they aren't that indepth. They say "Daddy has to work" not "Daddy has to stay late because the council is having a meeting and he has to prepare the great hall." That opens the door for too many Baby Questions.
Or say, when someone comes to say that Daddy is dead. If there are babies in the room, most likely he'll pull the mother aside or something.
Anyhoo, after all this, I thought that overall it was interesting. You just need to feel what you're writing more. Make these characters come alive and you've got it.
I hope this helps.
Wow. Is this your first piece?
I have to say it was really good, most newbies have a lot of spelling mistakes (although we all have those!) I made some minor corrections on things that bothered me, I hope it helps! And welcome to YWS!