It never smelled nice anymore. I know, I know, I shouldn't be picky; it's the apocalypse after all. But I can't help it, I'm Death. I have to cherish nice smells because all I really know of are bad ones.
Yes, I'm Death. The Death. No, I'm not scary or mean like your silly little myths seem to say. Listen, would you want to be put into a foreign place without knowing anything about it and then having to figure out how to get home without dying on top of that? Yeah, I didn't think so.
The afterworld is a scary, frightening place. You don't want to get lost.
All I'm saying is that I'm not the bad guy. After all, I'm clinging onto Life.
Let me explain. I need Life to live, just as Life needs Death to bring more of her children into the world. Its really not that difficult people, seriously.
Anyways, the world has changed a lot. It's real empty. Neither me nor Life like it. But she's barely hanging on. Even though she could procure herself more living things, it still hurts her when so many die at once. It makes it so difficult for her to get back on her feet.
It's like losing a part of your soul. It's not fun. I was following around the last two humans, both idiots in their own right but seemed to like one another - which was better than nothing, mind you.
But trying to keep them alive every waking second? Jesus, you'd think someone broke a mirror and walked under a ladder! But, on the contrary, black cats give good luck. I'd like more people to know that, in the least.
These last two humans were odd. Quite yet resourceful and always seemed cool-headed but neither seemed to have a basic understanding of how to, you know, live.
I'd already had to save them them from rabid bears, three cases of diarrhea and a major cut infection. Seriously. How less woodsy could these two be?
Something about this day though. I didn't like it. The sun was off, so were the clouds.
Everything seemed to be waiting for something to happen.
And the it happened.
And the sun disappeared.
Life was beside me at that moment. Her silver hair was wispy in the non-existent wind, her pale, blind eyes staring into my empty sockets. She smiled at me one last time and I couldn't help but cry.
I loved her so much.
Why was an eternity never enough?
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,852 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
I appreciate the fact that this is an easy read. It's on point and doesn't drag. There are a few things I feel need some correction though. They're just a handful of typos and misused words. For instance, "Quite yet resourceful" doesn't appear to make sense, unless you meant "quiet."
The words sound the same, but I guarantee the difference in definition. "Quite" being a word that refers to the degree of a quality. Example: "He is quite handsome."
"Quiet" on the other hand, is the antonym of noisy.
There's a typo in "And the it happened." It should be "and then it happened."
All in all, I think it's good with some minor editing needed.
Thank you! And I'm proud to have one of my stories be your first review!
No problem! ^^ I may check back from time to time.
Go right ahead
Moo! I'm here with a review!
that rhymes"You can't do this!"
You really CANNOT leave me at a cliffhanger like this! Let me get back to this after the rest of the story. (Forgive me for how lousy this is. It's 4 am.)
One thing I'd like to mention before I begin is this character's point of view. And also, I've been following your chapter titles for a while, and I'm a fan of the originality in creativity (if that makes sense). So, about the character's point of view. They're quite the mystery. And, so is everything around them. I have no clue about what the physical setting is, but I do have an idea of what's going on. It's pretty well done, I have to say.
Also, the way this character narrates, it's almost like the whole being "put into a foreign place without knowing anything about it and then having to figure out how to get home without dying on top of that" has been so rough, that it's all become comical to them. This kind of response to his rough atmosphere is also evident in the way you have spoken through them.
TYPO!
Come on! No typos in places like this!
I do realize though, that typos don't ask you before happening.:/This was what really got to me. It had that sunshine (subtle to openly displayed intimacy) element that I really love in stories. Also, this kind of suspense can't be built up very easily. It's amazing. I look forward to the next chapter already. Honestly, you got me at "It never smelled nice anymore."
That will be all Cow.
KEEP WRITING!!!
Yours sincerely,
Myth
Oh, I'm so sorry! This is a short story! I never planned for a second part! You're the second person to say that now...
nooooooooooooooooooooooo
IM SORRYYYYU
This is excellent; the narrator of death is instantly likable. This story feels silly but still captures the fear and pain of an apocalypse. I am a little confused about how death would save people from... death? I understand death isn't the one who makes people die, only the character who helps after that event, but still, I would like some explanation on how he is helping them. Also, the last line confused me.
"Why was an eternity never enough?"
Like an eternity with life? Or he wants there to be an eternity?
Besides those two minor points, it was a super fun read, and like @thepage, I would also want to see a second piece if you are in the mood to write it!
An eternity with Life. And he would be ending lives of things trying to harm the humans, keeping them from dying in return.
So death can kill things, as well as guide them once their dead? But cannot stop things from dying? Why can't he if he's the one who makes them dead?
Death helps people pass on, guides them as well. But he can't stop death, he creates it. That's Lifes job! Life births things, helps them survive.
Hello, @Cow, ths is a facinating piece you've got here, i really wonder what your inspiration was!
The begining was good, now that i've read the entire thing, at first i couldn't piece the paragraghs together; the near end where the normal changes and life decides to pay death a visit did work thngs out for me. Reminds me of a certain cartoon...
I dnt have any changes for ths work, am hopping for a second piece.
There seems to be romance between the two forces...there's still much to discover.
Nice.
Why thank you! I never really planned on a second piece, the short stories I'll be posting are made to leave you thinking of the end, to not have a second part. But thank you!!!
any time...!
i have thought of endings, too many possibilities...
True, true!