I want to write.
But mentally? I can't.
My brain is here -
Then it's here.
I'm so nervous about going to my dads,
Not that it's new.
Oh, how he makes me question myself.
Oh, god, how he pisses me off.
Oh, how I shall never trust him.
I want to write.
But mentally, I can't.
How I wish,
How I just wish,
That I could figure out what's wrong with me.
It can't just be anxiety.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This is a very interesting piece. I really enjoy that you wrote about you own struggles, I feel as though not many people talk about anxiety. I think you're very strong in writing about it. I like that you centered the writing, I think it made it easier to read. I think the left and right-sided parts are too far over, but I think that's the website, not you. I would add a little more to this as it's a little too short, but otherwise really good job.
thank you!
Hi there!
I am here for a quick review. I really loved the structure of your poem and how you used this unique format. The fact that you wrote the lines that 'My Brain is here' and 'Then it's here', it really did make sense in situations when our mind is bothered by some thoughts and we are not able to concentrate. Our focus shifts from one topic to the other.
The next bigger stanza I guess is something from your personal life that you were trying to put into words. I am not going to ask you for further explanation for it but if you ever feel stressed out or need someone to talk to, you can always shoot a PM.
The fact that there's not exactly a particular theme or idea that you have tried to deliver through this poem but still made the reader wonder about your thoughts behind writing this and the hidden pain, is a mark of a good writer.
Overall all I really enjoyed your poem and appreciate your work.
Good luck for your future works.
Keep writing
Thank you so much! AHH
Hello there,
I will try to keep this on the shorter side, but I have no idea if it will be like that. I am all over the place, but I'm here to review this poem. Let's go,
Oh, this is quite serious in tone, which the others people could debate about whether or not it's a serious topic, but this is just there. It's in your face, it's a theme that many wouldn't bring up in a poem, but I like how you did it. It comes together in a fashion that is organized and well kept, even when format is very disorderly.
Onto some stanzas and lines that I need to bring up,
One is very casual in tone and more relaxed in the stanza, and the other throws out a word that isn't any of them. It's more masterful than the other phrases in the stanza, which does look a little untidy.
And lastly, it's always good to vent when something bothers you and I would never think it would be good in a poem, but I was wrong. You portrayed it wonderfully, so that is so amazing.
Have a good day,
Haley
THANK YOU OH MY GOD
Thank you for your poem, Cow. It's so pure; you did it right! Have you seen the rebel in the rye? It's the movie they made about J.D. Salinger. And in this movie, he, Jerome, says that probably the most wonderful thing about writing is that no matter what happens to you - whether you are holding a gun standing somewhere in the forest or whatever else - your mind keeps creating. Check it out, if you haven't.
Remember how Holden would say that when you read a really good book, you know it because you want to call its author? Well, I would call you!
aW thank you!
@LittleLee @Gravitem
A little vent poem, mostly because its 3am for me and I'm playing Minecraft so the nostalgia is just zonking me out.
: )