Young Writers Society

Hey Cow, how's it going?

I like that you feel confident enough in this poem to like it yourself. This seems like a very personal work, but I will review it as if its audience is other people, and it is not just for catharsis.

This poem does not have any imagery in it at all. I know exactly what this poem is about. Guilt. But why does it exist? Poetry is about truth, not telling, and this is just telling. What are you guilty about? Why are you asking for help? It makes no difference who you're asking for help if the reader doesn't know why you're asking for help. Try using your five senses to bring life to the world. It's very difficult to be attached to a poem when there isn't any imagery.

There are some lines in this poem that could be taken out to benefit the poem. The repetition of "I feel guilty" is not effective in this poem because there's nothing to back it up. Futhermore, "oh my" is a filler line.

My recommendation for the whole poem is for you to go back and write it again. But don't use the word guilty even once. It's an abstract noun, and abstract nouns should be the theme of poems, not used in poems. If you do this, you will create a stronger poem by relying on symbols and metaphors instead of telling the reader that you feel guilty. To get you started, what images make you think of guilt? You can use something that draws from your real life, or you can find a symbol that illustrates it well. To be honest, you can find a representation of most abstract nouns in any symbol. If you think of an apple, you already have a biblical connection of guilt from the myth of Adam and Eve. If you think about a deer, you could approach it from the subject of a hunter shooting it. Guilt is a great subject, but you need to frame it differently for this piece to work as a poem.

If you're having trouble with YWS' formatting, hold shift when pressing enter to create a single spaced line, and then simply don't hold space when you press enter to create a line break.

I hope that this poem proves useful to you! You have a lot of passion in this poem, and I can't wait to see what it becomes! If you have any questions, please let me know. Happy writing!

hey, most people don't like it when poets write about stuff only known to them but me on the other hand, I love it. This was so original so personal and so sweet simultaneously!i loved it and I seriously hope it is not a cry for help ...lol but anyway this was great stuff.. your future is looking real bright. keep writing and writing until your fingers fall off! we will be here all the way!

@LittleLee @Gravitem

You guys don’t know what this is about and yes, I typed it up on my phone so it’s not good.